Glass
by Lois4Kent
Summary: CHAPTER 21 RATED K. Unabashed J/S. Jack takes Sam home after her fathers passing. CHAPTER 21 - "You still haven't answered my question." Sam's voice called over his shoulder. Jack breathed deeply. How could he tell her he loved her after he'd just shouted at her? But he'd have to give he some sort of response, he couldn't just ignore her.
1. Prologue

GLASS

Another tear fell silently, caressing her beautiful face. Even in despair she was loveliest thing he'd ever laid eyes on. She needed him. He wasn't there. Instead of holding her in his arms, he was here, watching her from behind glass. He was_ always_ watching her from behind glass. Maybe not always in a sense as literal as this moment, although there _was_ that force shield one time, but from the first day he'd met her, that is exactly how he felt. He could see her. He could hear her. But no matter how much he wanted to, he could not touch her. In times when they needed each other the most, they would reach out for each other, desperately longing for the glass to break, but even now it remained.

When he had entered the observation room minutes earlier, he hadn't been sure what he had come to say. He only knew he wanted her to know he loved her. He wasn't quite sure how to tell her that, seeing as he couldn't say those words, but he'd hoped she would know, somehow. There were so many things he needed to tell her. So much that had gone unsaid for far too long.

Jack watched solemnly, as one of his dearest friends slipped away into the unknown, leaving behind his grieving child. Sam was alone now. _No_. She wasn't alone. She would _never _be alone. Not now, or as long as he was breathing. Not now, or ever again. It was in that moment, when she stood by herself, that Jack O'Neill vowed she would do so for the last time. Because he was about to blow that glass to hell.

**COMPANION VIDEO FOR GLASS PROLOGUE CAN BE FOUND VIA MY PROFILE**


	2. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

Jack angled his head toward the sky. It grumbled threateningly above, just as it had done for the past half hour. He could tell by how viciously the trees swayed outside, that it wasn't far off now. Just yesterday he had been out on his deck, barbecuing under a wonderfully warm sun. Typical weather for Colorado Springs, you could never tell what to expect of the skies. Not that it usually mattered, being buried deep within a mountain night and day. That was particularly true of late. Having assumed the position of head of the SGC meant he no longer got to do much star gazing anymore, on this planet or any other. He missed it dearly, the stars, the landscapes. Hell, even the threat of impending doom. But nothing he missed more than his team. He felt a distinct feeling of emptiness every time he watched them step through the sparkling-blue event horizon. Knowing they could be facing threats that he was not there to protect them from, fighting battles that he should be fighting with them, it stung more than he ever thought it would. Although nothing in the past year had stung more than this.

The dark clouds bellowed once more as Jack pulled his Ford F250 to a slow stop. Just as he'd suspected, the skies had waited until the time they needed to step out of the warm confines of truck before they unleashed their deluge. The tiny droplets of water scattered across his windshield were suddenly replaced by rivers, cascading down the glass, obscuring most of the idyllic neighbourhood view. Jack couldn't help but feel the weather conditions were entirely appropriate for a day like today. He glanced out the window on his side of the truck, just in time to see a tremendous flash illuminate the sky. He wondered if it knew somehow. It seemed to him like the heavens were crying, as if they knew what had just been lost, and were grieving right along with them. Not that Jack O'Neill would ever admit to thinking such a philosophical thought.

He turned his attention to the passenger beside him, although his attention hadn't been elsewhere for the entirety of the drive. In the minute since they'd stopped she hadn't moved.

Jack wondered if she was even aware the truck was no longer moving. She hadn't uttered a word since they left the base. As soon as he jumped into the drivers' side, she had promptly laid her elbow on the window ledge, laid her head in her hand and turned away from him, letting him know she wasn't interested in conversation. He respected her silence, suspecting she was putting up boundaries to get herself through the grief, to which he could certainly relate. Jack suddenly considered that it may have been for his benefit, she knew how uncomfortable these situations made him, and it was just like Carter to be thinking of others at a time like this.

_I know you well enough to know you don't have a clue what to say…But you don't have to say anything._

Words she'd spoken to him half a decade ago, although not this particular Sam Carter. No, his Sam Carter knew him even better than that. Those words, and that memory, where still so vivid, despite the time that had passed. Perhaps because he replayed it in his mind so often. He'd given it strength and definition. It was one of the memories he visited at night, or when he or Sam had just faced near death, which happened a lot more than he cared to think about. He would never forget seeing her deep blue eyes, crying tears for him -for his loss. In that moment she didn't need the words he couldn't begin to conjure up, she'd just needed him to hold her.

He was taking in that memory now, her muffled sobs, her soft skin, the smell of her hair. He desperately wanted to reach out and take Sam's hand, which he was grateful to see didn't have a ring placed upon it. But she looked so calm, at peace, that he didn't want to risk disturbing her. Her position still hadn't changed at all, she continued to stare out the rain pelted window, the storm showing no signs of easing.

"Sam?" Jack spoke softly, something he didn't do very often. Her head snapped around, and she looked at him as if she had forgotten he was there.

"Sir! Sorry…I…" She shook her head.

"Did you want to go in? We can wait until the rain lets up." Jack offered. He didn't know how exactly he was going to do it, but his intention was to get her to her front door without a single drop of rain touching her.

"I think we've faced worse than a 20 second dash through a rain storm don't you?"

Jack gave her the slightest of smiles. She had him there.

"Okay. You stay right there." Jack cursed himself for not having an umbrella in the truck. He had never found that he needed one. In the world of Jack O'Neill, if it happened to be raining, well…You got wet. Jack climbed out of the truck, making a quick dash around the front to the passenger seat where Sam sat. He swung the door open for her, then promptly removed his jacket. It was his thick, gray tweed jacket with the leather patches on the arms; he knew nothing was going to soak through it too quickly.

"Sir! You're going to get soaked!" She was practically yelling to be heard over the sound of the rain pummeling the vehicle.

"You know me, I'm a thrill seeker!" He grinned. "Come on!" Jack gestured towards the house with a quick nod. Sam smiled, it was a relief to see that she was still able to smile. He held his jacket out like a tarp above her head, as she climbed out of his truck. Together they made a mad dash down the front path and up the four stone steps to Sam's front porch. Finding the safety of the landing, Jack promptly replaced his jacket.

"Damn!" Gasped Sam suddenly. "My house keys! I left them at the base. I'm sorry sir, I didn't even think-"

"Carter." Jack cut her off, with a reassuring smile. "It's okay, I got it." Sam watched as Jack fished around in his jacket pocket for a moment before extracting his own set of keys. She closed her eyes in realization that he had a copy of her house key, and had for many years now. Under her own suggestion, SG-1 had all exchanged copies of their house keys in case of an emergency. In reality it was just a show of friendship, another tribute to the trust they shared with each other. This had taken on quite a significance to Teal'c, who felt unworthy of holding onto the rest of the teams keys, while not being able to offer one in return. Living on the base meant he didn't have house keys, and when he had moved out temporarily a few months earlier, he took great pride in distributing his new acquisition.

Jack fumbled through the ridiculous amount of metal he had in his hand, drawing something that looked almost like a smile from Sam. He knew _exactly_ what Carter's key looked like, but was having trouble finding it amongst the 15 odd other keys that served no purpose, but was still yet to remove. He had scratched his teams initials onto their respective keys with the tip of his pocket knife, but had taken extra care with Carter's, for reasons he pretended not to know.

Jack was starting to get frustrated when Sam's key revealed itself, hidden underneath Teal'c's now obsolete copy. He took hold of the shiny piece of copper, still untarnished as the day he got it from its apparent lack of purpose. Or perhaps from the numerous times Jack had polished it. He jiggled it into the front door, and turned it until he felt the distinctive click of the mechanism unlocking.

Just as Jack went to turn the handle of the front door, it suddenly occurred to him that Pete could be inside. He didn't know if he could handle handing Carter off to him just now. He didn't know if he could handle handing Carter off to him period. He quickly deduced that his presence was unlikely, given that the door was locked, but turned around to scope out the street for his car all the same.

Sam had withdrawn into her own space once again, but Jack's sudden alarm, as subtle as he was trying to keep things still didn't escape her attention. After working out in the field with him for seven years, she could read his body language as clearly as she could hear him speak. Her eyes travelled from his grasp on the doorhandle, to the look subdued alarm on his face, out to the street which seemed to have occupied his attention seconds earlier.

"Nobody's home, sir." She spoke softly. Jack responded with a noncommittal head nod, but she could see the tension in his stance ease. Yes, she knew exactly what he was afraid of. Truthfully she was endlessly relieved that Pete wasn't here herself. She wasn't sure what she was feeling right now, but she did know she didn't want Pete pouring his sympathies all over her, she needed to be alone if she had any hope of processing what had just happened.

THREADS

_Don't go. _"It's okay sir, I'm fine. You'd better head back to the base, I'm sure you're needed there" _Don't go. _Sam wasn't quite sure what had come over her all of a sudden, but from the moment the General had stepped through her front door, she hoped he'd stay, possibly forever. She needed to be alone. She needed to cry. She couldn't do that with him here. _Or could she?_ If she let go in front of him, she wasn't sure what would come out, or what the consequences of that could be. Still, despite the common sense dictating her words, she desperately hoped he wouldn't leave.

"I'm sure Walter can handle things for a little while. That is, unless you want me to go?"

_God no. _"Stay."

_Stay. _That one word unleashed a barrage of emotions in him. Ones he'd tried so hard to leave on the other side of that quantum mirror with her. That's where they belonged. Those feelings she'd shared with him, weren't meant for him. They were for her husband. And even though he was dead in that reality, Jack still considered him one lucky son of a bitch. But hearing that word again, from _his_ Sam, bought him right back to that same memory he visited in the truck minutes earlier. Back to when he was holding her, when she'd trusted in him enough to let her tears fall onto his shoulders. Touching her in a way he never got to do with his Sam.

_Pete's Sam,_ Jack scolded himself.

They were still standing just a step or two inside the front entrance. Jack's hand still held onto the doorknob, holding it almost closed to keep out the freezing wind blowing in from the storm, but not closing it entirely for fear of imposing himself upon her. If she wanted him to go, so she could be with Pete, he'd go. Wherever it was she wanted him to be right now, that is where he was going to be. But with that one word, he closed the door behind him, with irrefutable relief. He didn't recognize that she was happier to see that door shut than he was.

"Would you like a coffee, sir?" Asked Sam, as they entered the kitchen. Jack was just done hanging his coat, and spun around quickly to face her.

"Uh uh uh!" Jack gave her a chastising look. "Don't even think about it Carter. I'll get it. You sit."

"Yes, sir." She did as she was told, reaching out for the nearest kitchen stool and perching herself upon it.

She watched as Jack made his way around her kitchen with surprising efficiency. After filling the kettle and putting it on the burner, he immediately went to the second furthest cabinet on the right, digging within its contents, and retrieving two coffee mugs. How he knew they were there she wasn't sure, he had been here but a handful of times over the years. She could only conclude that it was a lucky guess, or he had been paying attention to her making coffee during that movie night last year.

Not a surprise really. He hadn't spent much time watching the movies. Neither had she for that matter. She smiled as the memories of that night came back to her. It was rare that SG-1 got to spend time together in a regular, non-military setting, and it really bought out the true friendship they all shared. She'd enjoyed their company a lot that night. Topping the list would have been finding Jack's head in her lap as he laid down at the beginning of the second movie. Truth be told she didn't even remember what the movie was, but Jack's head resting on her thigh, she definitely remembered that. That was a good night.

Jack had just finished adding the cream to Sam's coffee when he looked up to see a smile on her lips. It was subtle, but it was there. He wondered what she was thinking about. Not that it mattered to him, as long as it was making her smile he didn't care if she was thinking about Pete. Okay, he cared. He cared a lot. But he felt grateful for whatever it was that could make her smile at a time like this, and if that was Pete, so be it.

Jack placed a coffee in front of her, and the clunk of it hitting the coaster brought her out of wherever she was. Which at that point, was the memory of running her fingers through his hair, and the way her heart skipped a beat when she became aware she'd been doing it.

"Sorry sir." She said suddenly, awakening to the man standing in front of her. He gave her a curious look from the opposite side of the counter.

"For what?" He raised his eyebrows at her slightly.

_For running my fingers through your hair. _

"Nothing." She answered quickly. Jack smiled at her.

"You're more than forgiven Carter." He said, his slight smile broadening into a full one.

The rain outside was still bucketing down, the dull roar of the rain filled the silence as they watched each other, neither one of them knowing what to say next, but feeling oddly comfortable about it.

Jack worked his way around to Sam's side of the counter, placed a coaster a few inches from hers, and laid his mug on top. He grabbed another of the kitchen stools, picked it up, and placed it as close to Sam's as the legs would allow. He had no plans as to where any of this was going, he just felt he should be close to her, even if the silence continued. He was a fan of silence anyhow.

Jack sat down next to her, close enough that their arms found each others warmth. Jack was glad he had taken off his storm-ailed jacket. Carter felt warm. She always felt warm. Something he noticed in those times when he experienced the luxury of being close to her. The near fatal staff blasts, holding cells and broken limbs were almost worth it. There wasn't anything that felt quite like Samantha Carter, and if he had to suffer a third degree burn or two to earn her touch, he considered it a price worth paying. Of course he'd enjoy it a lot more without the usual blinding pain, but he was sure it was all for the best. Enjoying her touch too much could lead to nowhere good.

Just as Jack was about to start reminding himself not to get any closer, Sam's hand left the handle of her coffee cup, and landed gently on top of his.

Warm. Always warm.

"You're freezing sir." Carter announced, a slight sound of concern in her voice.

"I'm fine, Carter." For no particular reason he slid his hand out from underneath hers, and placed it on top. Truthfully he had been feeling a little chilled. Until about 10 seconds ago when he'd sat down next to Carter. Strange that. "I've been freezing before, with a cracked rib and broken leg to boot. I'm pretty sure I'll survive."

Sam smiled at his candour. He was referring of course to their little, near-fatal stranding in the frozen wasteland that was Antarctica.

So many years had passed since then, but the overwhelming feeling of dread she'd felt in her stomach, still twinged at the memory. That could very well have been the closest she had come to losing him. She'd tried so hard to be strong, to get him the medical attention he desperately needed, but truthfully his injuries terrified her. The prospect of being without him terrified her, even so long ago. She remembered the sound of his laboured breathing as she lay next to him, and how she begged for it to continue. They'd been in similar situations dozens of times since then, but that one definitely stood out in her mind as one of the worst.

Almost as if the General could read her thoughts, he gave her hand a comforting squeeze.

"Good times, huh?" He smiled at her.

"Not really sir."

"Oh, come on. You got your very first lesson in splint tying. Nice, scenic icy cavern. Stargate on the fritz. You can't tell me you weren't having fun?!" He really wanted that smile back.

"Not exactly my idea of a good time." She wasn't budging. Not that he could expect much more at a time like this. Still…He knew what button to push next.

"You didn't enjoy my stellar company Carter?"

"Always sir."

"You know, it really was my sidearm." She'd giggled when he'd said it the first time around, and they were near freezing to death, in a dire situation, could he count on it again? He found it unlikely she would even remember what he was talking about, but if she did…

Bingo! She smiled. Not just smiled, but beamed at him, shaking her head at him at the same time.

"I have no doubt, sir."

"What exactly do you mean by that Carter?" Asked Jack, feigning injured pride.

"Well it was very cold sir." She grinned. "Minus 73 degrees Fahrenheit to be exact."

He had her grinning now. Jack was definitely happy with this turn of events. She looked away from him then, knowing they were delving into very amusing uncharted waters.

"Aaaaannnnddddd?" He tipped his head toward her expectantly. Carter managed to gather the courage to actually look him in the face. The moment she caught his eye however she dissolved into a fit of giggles.

Jack couldn't help but feel pleased with himself.


	3. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Sam's eyes widened, and her jaw almost hit the floor.

"No way!" She really couldn't believe what she was hearing. She knew General O'Neill was capable of pushing the boundaries, and violating military protocol when it suited him, but he almost always had a sound reason to do so. But this? _What had he been thinking?!_ "You're serious aren't you?!"

"One hundred percent Carter."

"You played _golf_ in the gate room? _Golf_!"

"Well technically it was more like drive practice, but yes." Jack smiled at her with a grin that said he wasn't in the least bit ashamed.

"Ho..How could you? How cou-." Sam stammered, unable to process the audacity of these actions.

"Hammond was pretty pissed too." He grinned even more.

Sam really couldn't help but smile, a problem she often faced when in the company of Jack O'Neill.

"What happened?!" She was on the edge of her seat with this information. She'd suspected that the General had gotten up to something during the time loop, but he never gave even a hint of what might have happened, despite Daniel's persistent questioning in the weeks following.

"Nada. Zip. Zilch. Teal'c and I timed it so the loop would start again as soon as we were caught."

The look of shock on Sam's face was priceless, not to mention downright adorable. Jack was glad he had saved this news for so long. He needed something to make her smile right now.

"I can't believe this sir." She shook her head him. She was amused and outraged, but she wasn't sure to what extent.

"Really gave my swing the boost it needed." Jack said, grabbing Carter's empty mug off the coffee table and rising to his feet. "You want another?" He gestured at the cup in hand.

"No. Thank you, I'm fine." She smiled at him from the sofa. Jack made his way to the adjoining kitchen and placed their coffee cups on the sink. He glanced back towards Carter, who was clearly thinking. She did that a lot. He sat back down next to her, wondering what line of questioning she had in store for him.

"Sooo, golfing. What else did you get up to?" She eyed him suspiciously.

"Nothing much. Went bike riding." Sam nodded, looking almost disappointed by his entirely average choice of activity. "Through the base."

She gave him the greatest smile. Every one of her smiles was great, but it meant so much more at a time like this.

"And how was that received sir?" Sam asked, amused.

"Not well Carter. Not well." She laughed at him, prompting him to continue. "I don't think they liked my little bell."

"I imagine not." Sam stood and made the short journey to the fire place. "Are you feeling any warmer now?"

They'd been sitting in the living room with the fire going for about half an hour. Having been sitting on Sam's couch close enough to her that their thighs touched, he wasn't exactly feeling chilly. He wasn't sure he should tell her that though.

"I'm great Carter, thanks." She turned down the gas fire slightly. "You see, we really could have used one of those in Antarctica. Never a fireplace around when you need one."

Sam sat back down beside him, placing her feet up on the coffee table next to his.

"So what else?" She asked, turning her head to look at him. She was sitting even closer than before. Jack wasn't sure if that was a good thing, but he certainly wasn't about to complain.

"What else…?" Jack feigned innocence.

"Time loop!" She demanded, with a smile that turned his insides to jelly.

"Ah…Time loop. Hmmm…Nothing much." His mind was going to that favourite moment during the time loop. It could very well have been his favourite moment period. His eyes flicked towards Sam's lips.

"Really?" She asked, her tone conveying her doubt about that claim.

"Really." He insisted, giving her shoulder a playful nudge with his own.

God she was perfect. He would have loved to have kissed her more than once during the time loop. He knew if he did though, the temptation to leave Earth and 12 other worlds in an infinite loop would have been unbearable. He was pretty sure, given the opportunity, he could kiss her everyday forever.

"I'm not sure I believe you sir." She said dubiously.

"Just some really boring stuff. I promise."

Sam looked doubtful.

"I made some clay pots."

"Wow, that is boring." She mocked, certain he was joking.

"Well now I don't know what to give you for your birthday. I already fired it and everything."

"You really made clay pots?" She asked amazed. He nodded his reply. "And you made me one for my birthday?"

"Yep. Daniel and Teal'c too."

"Thank you sir."

"Don't thank me, you're not getting it now. The surprise is ruined." Jack announced in mock outrage.

"I'm sorry sir. Please forgive me?" Sam began to giggle.

"I could never stay mad at you Carter." He looked her in the eyes. She was so close, he could easily kiss her right now. If the time and circumstance wasn't entirely inappropriate as usual, he'd go ahead and do just that. He liked that he could make her laugh at a time like this. He was so grateful that he got to be here with her, and for some reason, Pete didn't. He wasn't about to question the why, but he sure didn't relish the idea of Pete showing up any minute, and him having to leave.

Sam swallowed hard, wondering if he was thinking about what he appeared to be thinking about.

"That means a lot sir. Thank you." She replied, breaking the moment of silence.

"Anytime." He smiled back at her. "Of course, now I have to think of some other gift for you, and we both know I'm not too good with the thinking."

"I hate it when you do that." Sam protested, the sound of genuine annoyance entering her voice.

"Do what?" Jack asked, caught a little off guard by her reaction. He really did not want to be upsetting her right now.

"Belittle your own intelligence. You and I both know you are a lot smarter than you pretend."

"You'll forgive me if I feel a little dumb standing next to you though Carter?" He tried to reason. "You are just about the most brilliant woman on the planet. And on every other planet when you're there." She blushed a little, her look of annoyance fading entirely. She bit her lower lip in a most adorable fashion.

"You're the brilliant one sir. I wish that you knew that. None of us would be here if it weren't for you. You were willing to sacrifice yourself for all of us. If the Asgard hadn't been able to help you, I don't know what I would have..-" Her voice trailed off, and she looked down at her hands.

"Hey." Jack reached over and took one of her hands into his. "I'm fine now."

Sam lifted her head back up and looked into his eyes. He could see how much she cared for him and it drove him completely nuts. He wanted to make her feel safe, comforted, but he couldn't do that the way he wanted to. Even though he'd decided the military wouldn't stand in his way anymore, his hands were still tied by her engagement to Pete. "And I plan on staying that way."

"I hope so sir."

Jack sighed. The situation sucked. Time for another distraction.

"I kissed you." _Had he completely lost his mind?_

"What?" Sam asked, genuinely puzzled. Not a sight he instigated a lot in Carter.

"I kissed you." He repeated. "During the time loop."

If Sam had looked shocked about his little golf story, it was nothing compared to the look on her face now. "Keeping in mind that was a long time ago!" He said, raising his finger in the air to emphasize the point.

Shock seemed to have impeded her ability to reply, so Jack continued.

"It was really quick! I was just having some fun! I hope you won't hold it against me."

More silence.

"I..I...I handed in my resignation. And you asked me 'You're resigning? What for?' and I said…'So I can do this'…And then I kissed you, and everyone in the room watched us, and then we looped again."

She still wasn't saying anything, and it was making Jack's heart race. _What had he been thinking?! He wasn't thinking. He was an idiot! You've really screwed up this time._

Sam burst out laughing.

_Oh, thank Christ._

Jack watched as Sam dissolved into laughter like he hadn't seen in a while. He honestly wasn't sure if he had ever seen her this amused by anything. Seeing her so happy, after being so sure he had upset her, made his heart swell with joy and relief.

"That must have been quite the scene sir." Sam managed to get out, as her uncontrollable laughter died down into giggles.

"The only downside was I couldn't see the looks on everyone's faces."

"I bet you General Hammond would have looked quite shocked."

"I reckon you're right Carter." Jack smiled, the relief showing on his face.

"Oh, sir. Thank you."

"For what?"

"For making me laugh." She said earnestly. "Only you could make me laugh at a time like this."

"Hey, I'm just glad you're not pissed at me."

"No sir." She gave him a reassuring smile. "It's not like I didn't know."

"What?" He asked, in honest surprise.

"Well…The way you looked at me the day we broke the loop. You never smiled at me like that before." She continued. "Then the next morning, you did it again at breakfast, when Daniel asked if you had done anything crazy. Plus you were looking at me differently for a few weeks after that. Smiling at me a lot more than you usually do."

"Ah. I should have known I could never put anything passed you." He grinned at her. "Even when time travel is involved."

She smiled again. God he loved that smile.

"I certainly had my suspicions, but I wasn't about to make any accusations." She confessed. "I just wish I remembered too. It would have been a fun memory to have."

Jack entertained the idea of suggesting they try it again, but thought better of it.

"We could all use more of those."

Sam looked at him, the smile fading from her lips. For about the millionth time, she wondered how she was ever going to give him up. Clearly she had failed to do so at this point, not for her lack of trying, she had even gone as far as to get engaged to another man in her attempts to move on. Yet still this _thing _between them was as strong as it ever was. The ties were still there, and it seemed nothing would ever sever them. Sam wasn't entirely sure she was sad about that, because honestly, she didn't _want_ to let him go.

She never had.

She loved him.

She was in an impossible situation, that she wasn't sure she would ever escape from.

"You know if you ever want to try again. I'm all for a re-enactment."

Jack O'Neill really couldn't help himself.


	4. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

The sound of the phone ringing cut through Sam's giggles, which stopped instantly the moment she registered it. _Pete._

Something akin to panic rang through her. Sam jumped from her seat, dove for the phone which lay several feet away, lifted it from the receiver, and slammed it down before the answering machine had the chance to pick up. She then proceeded to pull the service cable out of the wall.

Jack watched her with part concern, part curiosity.

"I, uh…Just don't feel like talking to anyone right now."

"Understandable." It most certainly was. If there was anything in this world Jack O'Neill could relate to, it was not wanting to talk. He got that. He got that big time.

Jack paused. He really didn't want to risk asking his next question, lest the answer remove him from her side. "Are you sure you don't want me out of your hair?"

"No sir. I just…There are things that I just can't deal with right now."

Jack attempted a look of understanding, though honestly he didn't understand. _Is she talking about funeral arrangements? _

"I just can't…" That last word lost all its strength.

Sam broke down.

She stood there in the middle of the kitchen and began to sob.

In an instant Jack rose to his feet. He knew this was coming, and he felt grateful that he was here when it did. She'd said she was fine about losing Jacob, that she was grateful that they'd gotten their second chance with each other, but that didn't mean never seeing him again wouldn't hurt like hell. He knew that was going to hit home pretty soon. He felt a true sense of grief in his own gut. Jacob Carter would be missed.

He needed to hold her. He shouldn't, he knew. She wasn't his to hold anymore. He'd given up that privilege when he stupidly decided to let her go. Not that ever would, or even _could_ do that. But for her, he could pretend. He'd made a vow to himself long ago that he would stand by her no matter what. If she decided she couldn't wait for him any longer, then he had to accept that. But right now, in this moment, she _was_ his. There were no other arms around to hold her, and maybe, just maybe…this would be the last chance he ever got. His heart sank at the thought.

He moved towards her, standing before her within a few short steps. She held her face in her hand, trying to shield his view of the tears. Trying to fight them off, but it was a losing battle. These tears had been threatening to spill out for months now, possibly years, and there was no more strength in her to fight them. She was overcome with grief. She hadn't known that's what she was feeling this last year, but now that her father's passing had amplified that feeling a hundred times over, she recognized that's exactly what it was. Grief. That emptiness, that dark mournful feeling that nagged at her soul every moment of every day for the longest time…It was grief. She'd been mourning the loss of Jack O'Neill.

Sam was broken. She couldn't do this anymore. Not any of it. They'd have to find someone else to defend the galaxy in her place, because she was done. Her father was dead. Daniel was missing, and most likely dead. She was engaged to a man she didn't love, and the man she did love - had always loved - she couldn't have. She was done fighting. Or at least she would have been, if she wasn't a born soldier.

"I'm sorry sir." She mumbled through the tears, her hand still covering her face. "I..I...-"

"Sam." The sound of her given name in Jack's voice was something she always longed to hear. Whenever she heard it, she felt comfort. It was a sign he had let his guard down, if only for a moment, and was acknowledging that she meant more to him than her rank. She knew when he used her name it was purposeful, thought out, something he was doing for her. She didn't want to look at him. It would break her heart to look at him. She couldn't bear seeing the care there, in his warm brown eyes. The care she'd seen what felt like an eternity ago, and had to turn away from, for the good of the planet, whose fate rested in their hands. She couldn't bear to see it and turn away again. She couldn't take anymore pain…Anymore loss.

She felt him move closer. She could feel the warmth of his body in front of her. He was _anything_ but freezing. Then she felt his skin on hers, as he slid his hand over the one covering her face, shielding it with his own. The warmth of his palm belying the chill she had felt earlier. He didn't pull her hand away, like she anticipated. Instead his thumb caressed it into moving of its own accord, her hand falling gently by her side. Jack caught it within his own, lacing his fingers over the top of hers. He could see her face, but she still didn't dare to look at him. She couldn't…

The despair on Sam's face made Jack ache inside. He wanted to make it stop. He wanted to kiss away every tear until she had none left to shed. She was engaged to another man, and right now he was on the brink of not giving a damn. The pain he witnessed on her face shouldn't be there. He'd seen her in pain before. He'd seen her with her bones poking through open wounds. He'd seen her with third degree burns that scorched her skin black. But this… He'd never seen this… The look of utter defeat.

She was, without a doubt, the strongest soldier he'd ever known. She didn't tout her strength about her in a show of bravado, like the many men he had commanded in his military career. No, she saw something that needed to be done, and she found a way to make it happen. She'd amazed him time and again with her brilliant mind, accomplishing things, dreaming up things that he would never think possible. As far as he was concerned there was nothing she couldn't do. This defeat…It just wasn't her, and for the first time he wondered if there was more to these tears than he knew.

Since she had relinquished control of her hand to him, he could see her attempting to regain control, to steady her breathing, but he could tell her heart wasn't in it. She just wanted to cry, and if that was what she wanted… He had to let her know that was okay. That she didn't have to be brave for him now. That she was just Sam, and he was just Jack. He took the hand that wasn't clinging desperately to Sam's and brought it up to gently caress her cheek. Her breathing seemed to steady at his touch. Her stifled sobs quieting just a little more. Still she refused to meet his eyes, staring towards the polished wood floor.

"It's okay Sam, you can cry. It's just you and me, and personally…I think you look incredibly hot when you cry." He said with a genuine smile. Sam's eyes flicked up to meet his in an instant, all reluctance forgotten. She smiled through her tears, throwing herself into his embrace. She clung to him, as all the emotions she'd tried to shut down over the years spilled out in uncontrollable sobbing.

He held her just as tightly, rocking her gently against him. She immersed herself in him, his smell, his warmth, his touch. She had missed him. Even though they had seen each other almost everyday for 8 years, she missed him. The idea that she would never be here again, safe in his arms, had bore a deep sadness within her. A grief that only he could quell. Sam cried for the injustice of it all. Holding onto him hurt like hell. Letting him go, hurt so much more. Not only had she hurt herself in her attempt to move on, she had hurt a good man. She felt sick with herself, knowing there was no possible way she could go through with this wedding now. Not now that she'd felt what it was like to be in his arms again.

She'd known it was wrong to say yes, almost as soon as she'd said it. She'd just thought, for a moment, she could be happy with what Pete had to offer. Knowing the alternative was coming home and being alone every night for the rest of her life, waiting for the day the Earth might be safe enough for her and Jack to be together, if that was even what he wanted. She realised now that she hadn't been missing having someone in her life at all, she'd just been missing Jack, and she would always be missing Jack. The emptiness within her would never go away, no matter what she did, no matter how hard she tried. She cried harder. Jack held her tighter, something she wouldn't have thought possible a moment ago.

She cried until she was too exhausted to continue, Jack never loosening his embrace. The sound of the rain filled the silence between her soft whimpers. When she quietened completely, they stayed in their positions - Sam with her arms wrapped around his waist, her head buried into his chest, Jack running one hand up and down her back soothingly, the other cradling her head against him, fingers intertwined with her hair. He almost wished she wouldn't stop, because he didn't know how on Earth he was going to handle letting her go. If he had it his way he would be holding her forever. He pressed a kiss on top of her head, not caring about what boundaries he was crossing. It was a crystal clear sign of affection and he was just fine with that. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, that had always loved her. But he could not destroy her happiness with Pete.

"You okay?" He asked, almost so soft that his voice broke. She pulled away slightly, but to Jack's relief, not completely - both her hands clutched onto his shirt at his waist. Her eyes remained fixed at his chest. She nodded gently, the look on her face belying the gesture. He could see she was hurting, she just didn't have the energy to cry anymore. Her eyes were red, and her face was splotchy. Gorgeous, but splotchy. Jack brought his hand up to her face once again, hoping she would meet his eyes as before. She did. And what he saw in those eyes, had him lost.

There was a pain in those eyes like he had never witnessed before. Actually, a pain that he had witnessed _once_ before. It was the same pain he had seen in the eyes of Dr. Carter all those years ago, when she was grieving for her Jack O'Neill. He'd never seen that grief in the eyes of his Carter until now. Even when they had lost Frasier last year, she hadn't looked like this. Losing her father must have hit her harder than even he'd expected.

He wanted to kiss her. Kiss her, and keep kissing her until all that pain was gone. Touch her until she forgot she could ever feel this way. His thumb stroked her cheek lovingly. He'd already decided that the military wouldn't hold him back anymore. What kept him from kissing her this time was the chance that he could be destroying her chance at happiness. In one week's time, she was going to marry the cop. She wouldn't be doing that if she hadn't found some happiness with him. Happiness that he had failed to give her. He couldn't put that in jeopardy. He never, _ever_, wanted to do anything to hurt her. No, he wouldn't kiss her, he wouldn't confuse her when she had already made her decision. But he would be here for her, now, and whenever she needed him.

Sam's eyes still stared up at him. He could see her eyelids growing heavy. Jack suddenly noticed that light no longer streamed through the windows, and he wondered how long ago night had fallen. It seemed like they had been standing here for just a few moments, but in reality it could very well have been hours. He'd lost all perception of time.

He studied her face, still moving his thumb across her cheek in a rhythmic motion. She was perfect. Everything about her was perfect. Her hands still rested on his waist, grasping onto the fabric of his shirt, as if she was counting on it to keep her steady. She needed rest, and given that he couldn't kiss her, or find any words to say as usual, he did what Jack O'Neill did best, he took action.

"Bedtime." He whispered softly. Within an instant he had one arm underneath Sam's legs, the other around her waist, lifting her off her feet. She melted into him, too exhausted by the events of the day, to question his actions.

He moved slowly down the hall, his boots clunking against the wooden floor. He was relishing every step, wondering what it would have been like to do this everyday, knowing he most likely would never experience this again. She felt almost weightless in his arms, and his bad knee gave zero complaint, for which he was grateful. Her head rested against his shoulder, and he could feel her warm breath against his neck. He swiftly reminded himself that he was putting her to bed, nothing more.

The clunking of Jack's boots became a dull thump as they hit the carpet of Sam's bedroom. The whole room smelt like her. It was intoxicating. He moved swiftly towards the bed and gently lowered her down on top of the covers. As he moved back into standing position he wondered if she might already be asleep. Her eyes were closed, and she gave no indication of consciousness that he could see in the limited light. God she was beautiful.

Jack turned on the bedside lamp so he could get one last look. He had no intention of leaving, but the temptation to lie down next to her was so powerful, that he knew he had to get out of her room pronto. He picked up a blue throw blanket from the end of the bed and placed it gently on top of her, being careful not to disturb her. He was sure she was asleep now, her breathing seemed deep and steady. He could stand there for hours watching her sleep. Something he had become guilty of god knows how long ago, on his many pointless night watches, which he himself insisted upon.

He really wanted to kiss her goodnight. _Really_ wanted to. He played with the temptation for a moment, before denying himself once more. He contented himself with stroking a stray strand of blonde hair away from her face, admiring how at peace she was in sleep. He hoped she'd stay that way for a while.

"Goodnight Carter." He whispered.

_Oh hell. Why not?_

He kissed her anyway.


	5. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Jack glanced at his Swiss army watch for about the tenth time in the last half hour. 12.36. He'd resolved not to check on Sam more than once an hour. The fact that zero one hundred hours was still another 24 minutes away was not pleasant news to him. He'd kept himself busy by checking in with the base every hour, well aware that if there had been any news on Daniel he would be informed right away. This was one of the few times in the last year he felt grateful he had taken on this desk job. It meant he could be here with her.

He had resolved to try and sleep, taking up refuge on Carter's couch. It was very comfortable, yet Jack found it next to impossible to relax. He couldn't relax unless he could see her, and even then it did little to soothe his worries. The quiet gave his mind a chance to race, and there were no distractions to help fight off the thoughts he'd kept at bay for the last few months. She was getting married. _Married._ How the hell had he let this happen? How could he continue to let this happen? He couldn't let her go, he just couldn't. He couldn't let her lay beside another man every night. His stomached knotted at the thought, and once more he cursed himself for letting things get to this point. There was no going back now; he couldn't say anything, not when her wedding was a week away. The opportunity to say something had passed him by, and she had given him ample opportunity. _Idiot._

Jack thought back to an evening a few weeks earlier, an evening where he had began to contemplate saying something. Not an unusual occurrence, as he contemplated saying something about just how much he loved every inch of Samantha Carter just about every day since he'd known her. But on this particular evening, he'd entertained the idea to dangerous proportions.

He'd found himself here. Not here exactly, but on the street just outside. He'd sat there in his truck, fighting with himself for god knows how long. If he had just gotten out and walked to the door…But no, instead he'd driven home, headed straight to the phone, and called Kerry Johnson. He hoped she would provide ample distraction, at least long enough for him to get through this wedding. He couldn't begin to imagine what Carter might think. Either she thought he and Kerry were in a real relationship, or she knew he'd been using her, which was not something he was particularly proud of. Either way it sucked. And she didn't even know things had already ended between them. Not that any of that mattered, because she was still getting married.

Jack glanced at his watch again. 12.52. _Close enough._

He climbed to his feet, already feeling some degree of relief at the anticipation of seeing her. He treaded lightly, not wanting the sound of his boots hitting the floor to filter into her room and disturb her. As he rounded into the hallway he caught the echo of something. _Crying. Damn! She'd woken and he wasn't there! _Jack cursed himself, and hastened his steps.

Silence greeted Jack as he entered Sam's room. He could have sworn he'd heard something. His eyes still hadn't adjusted to the dim light, and he couldn't quite make out Sam's features. He wasn't sure if he should risk turning the lamp on and waking her, but it would put his mind at ease knowing she was okay. He flicked it on, and the warm, subtle light bathed Sam's face.

She _was_ crying.

Crying in her sleep. He could see the trail of liquid that spilled from her eyes. The peaceful look he'd left her with earlier had now vanished. She wasn't even safe from the pain in her sleep. The way her eyes flicked under her closed lids, made Jack wonder if she was dreaming.

"_What if I quit the air force? Would that change anything or is it just an excuse?" _

"_I would never ask you to give up your career." _

"_Because you don't feel anything for me?" _

"_Carter?" _

"_I'd let you go right now if I knew." _

"_That easy?" _

"_I didn't say it would be easy." _

"_Then what's stopping you? If you really want to know?"_

"_I'm trying." _

"_Maybe it's not me that's the problem here. Let's face it, I'm not that complex." _

"_Me?" _

"_Sam, I'm a safe bet." _

"_As long as I'm thinking about you, setting my sights on what I think is unattainable, there's no chance of being hurt by someone else." _

"_Jacob was right. You deserve more. I will always be there for you, no matter what. Believe me." _

"_So what now?"_

Jack wasn't exactly sure what to do. Should he wake her? He remembered the kinds of nightmares he'd had in the year following Charlie's death. The gun shot, the panic, the blood covering the floor. It came back to him every night, threatening to push him over the edge. Perhaps she was dreaming about Jacob? She needed to sleep though, she was exhausted. He couldn't just stand here and watch her cry, even if she was asleep. He strode around to the opposite side of the bed. Was this crossing the line? Probably. He quickly deduced that he didn't give a damn. He lay down beside her, and curled himself around her from behind, holding her tightly against him.

"_What now? You tell me Carter. You're a lot smarter than me."_

"_Not true sir."_

"_C'mon, you're about the smartest person on the whole damn planet. Scratch that. The galaxy."_

"_I made a major life decision based on the advice I received from hallucinations I suffered after massive head trauma. That doesn't seem too bright to me."_

"_Hey, I think I made some pretty valid points. I asked you why, if you wanted to know how I feel about you, you didn't just ask. And correct me if I'm wrong, but you still haven't?"_

"_You don't exactly make it easy sir."_

"_Hey, I said 'maybe' I wasn't the problem."_

"_I went to ask you yesterday and you were with another woman."_

"_She means nothing to me Carter. I may not be as bright as you, and also a figment of your mind, but that much I know. But I think you already knew that."_

"_Yes." _

"_And yet, you still didn't ask?"_

"_My Dad…"_

"_I know. I'm sorry Baby."_

"_Baby?"_

"_Apparently you've been wanting me to call you that?"_

"_I just wanted to hear how it sounded."_

"_And?"_

"_I like it."_

"_I'll make a note of that."_

"_Before Dad died, he said some things to me. Things that seem to contradict the decisions I've made."_

"_What decisions would those be?"_

"_To let you go. To get married."_

"_Ah…That. Wrong call?"_

"_Understatement of the century, Sir. Apparently getting over Jack O'Neill falls into the realm of impossibility."_

"_C'mon Carter, you're going to give me a big head."_

"_My wedding is next week. It's supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life, and yet I couldn't think of anything I would rather do less. I'm even talking Ba'al's torture chamber sir."_

"_How 'bout we go fishing instead?"_

"_Sounds great sir."_

"_It's a date."_

"_I'm sorry I didn't go years ago sir."_

"_Hey, I understand. Really I do. Close quarters and all. The temptation to push you into my pond just to see you in a wet tee shirt isn't one I'm sure I could resist either."_

"_I would never do that to you sir."_

"_Why not?"_

"_You might not like that."_

"_Oh, I'd like that. Especially if you were in there with me."_

"_I'll be sure to remember that."_

"_I'll be sure to pack extra towels."_

"_Sir?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_I love you."_

"_I know."_

"_Will we really go fishing?"_

"_All you have to do is ask, Sam."_

"_Ask?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Do you love me sir?"_

"_Samantha, I love you, more than I have ever loved anything. And that includes cake. You know how much I love cake."_

"_Really?"_

"_Cake's got nothing on you Carter. Of course, if I could have both…I think I'll bring some cake on our fishing trip."_

"_Sir?"_

"_You know, you can call me Jack."_

"_Jack?"_

"_Yes."_

"_I don't want to wake up."_

"_Why?"_

_"Because you'll be gone."_

"_I wouldn't count your chickens just yet Sam."_

"_I don't want to leave here. Can't we just stay? You and me, floating in this stranded ship forever?"_

"_Sounds like heaven to me. Of course, then we couldn't go fishing. You do want to go fishing don't you? You're not trying to bail on me again are you?"_

"_I want that more than anything."_

"_It's settled then. You'll wake up and we'll go fishing. Yeah sure you betcha, snookums."_

"_One last thing…"_

Sam's eyes fluttered open. _No! Please?! _She was so close to kissing him once again. She'd passed up the chance the first time, and this time it was ripped away from her by consciousness. He was gone, and it only took a second for the devastation to set in again. She closed her eyes. _Please? Please let me fall asleep again?! Just let me have him back. Just for one more minute?_

"Sam?" _Was she asleep again? Was that voice in her head?_ "You awake?"

Sam opened her eyes, surrendering to consciousness. She was in bed. How had that happened? The events of yesterday came back in a confusing blur. Her father, Daniel, Dakara, Pete, the General.

She still had not registered the arm wrapped firmly around her middle. Jack nuzzled his face into her neck.

"Jack?" His name in her voice had the power to render him completely helpless. He could count the number of times he'd heard her say it on one hand, and he cherished every one. There was just something about it that was endlessly appealing.

"I'm here." He soothed, loosening his grip on her slightly so she had the freedom to turn around.

She didn't move.

"Sir?" Her voice was questioning, searching, but to Jack's relief didn't seem to be accusing him. As right as this felt, he couldn't pretend not to know this was completely against regulations. He was too busy pretending she wasn't another man's fiancé. Luckily for him, knowing both those things was a far cry from caring about those things. Sam turned into his arms, meeting his eyes for the first time. She looked surprised to see him. Surprised and relieved. Jack wasn't sure if this was a good thing, but surprised and relieved definitely seemed preferable to shocked and appalled. "You're still here."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else." Jack brought his hand up to stroke the hair away from her face. She closed her eyes, relishing the comfort of his touch.

"Can I ask you a question sir?" She asked, her voice a soft whisper.

"If you don't know the answer, I really can't guarantee I will. But I'll do my best."

Sam smiled, and moved into his arms as close as she could, resting her head on his upper arm. Jack pressed a kiss on top of her head, elated at having her so close. They'd been physically close many times, survival often called for it. But this…Felt different.

"Can we go fishing next week?" Sam whispered into his chest.

Had he heard right?_ Fishing?_ That was about the last thing he expected her to say. He'd been trying to get her to his cabin in Minnesota for years, and she wanted to go on the week of her wedding? Did she want to bring Pete along? Jack definitely couldn't think of anything worse than Carter and Pete honeymooning in his cabin. A bullet through his heart would be more merciful.

"Won't you be a little busy next week?" Jack asked, hoping she would know what he meant.

"No sir." She said firmly. Jack detected a hint of meaningfulness in her voice.

"You won't?" He mumbled into her hair.

"No." She affirmed.

"You're sure?" He asked once more, not quite sure he was understanding right. She lifted her head from his chest and looked deep into eyes.

"I have no other plans sir." He stared back at her, not daring to hope she was saying what he thought she was saying. He'd never wanted to kiss her more than he did right now. That was saying a lot as he'd wanted to kiss her everyday for eight years now. The look in her eyes conveyed the deepest kind of love. Was he dreaming? Maybe he had fallen asleep next to her? That would be a lot more plausible than this. Colonel Samantha Carter was in his arms, telling him that she wasn't getting married and was going fishing with him instead. Definitely seemed like an utterly implausible fantasy that he might take comfort in while sleeping. This couldn't be real. He was either dreaming, some alien influence was messing with his head, or he was completely misreading her.

"Aren't you getting-?"

She kissed him. Deeply, and softly. Confirming everything she was saying, telling him to believe, _forcing_ him to believe. She took her time, savouring every last bit of this first kiss, determined it would be the first of many. Her body hummed with a pleasure she had never felt before. So this was what Jack O'Neill felt like... euphoria.

Jack took a few seconds before he absorbed what was happening, still resistant to the idea it was possible. Carter was kissing him, and it was completely surpassing every fantasy he had ever had. He knew then that he wasn't dreaming. He returned the kiss, desperate for her to understand just how much he loved her. She felt so good that he wondered how he'd ever stop kissing her. Her hand was sliding up and down his back, and he couldn't help but moan with pleasure.

Eventually he brought himself to pull back, but only because he wanted badly enough to look into her eyes. He rested his forehead against hers, both feeling the loss of contact, but needing to catch their breath. She listened to him try to steady his breathing, delighting in the feel of his warm breath against her skin. He pulled back a little further so he could meet her eyes for the first time. This moment... this moment would go down as one of the happiest moments of his entire life. The woman he loved, loved him back. She said it as she always had, with a look. The difference this time, was that they were actually going to be together, he was certain of it. No more longing, no more glass, just Sam in his arms. If she wasn't yet to call off her wedding with Pete, he would have asked her to marry him right this instant.

Yet again the words "I love you Sam" threatened to spill from his lips, but he knew they had to wait. This moment seemed like the perfect time to tell her, but he knew better. There were still things they had to take care of, wounds that had to heal. He didn't want anything to taint their happiness, and if he had to wait another week, or month, he could hold out for perfect. She deserved perfect. They deserved perfect after all this time of waiting.

"You still haven't answered my question sir." Sam reminded him.

"You're gonna call me 'sir' at a time like this?" Jack said in mock exasperation.

"Sorry sir." She smiled playfully. "I kinda like it."

Jack smiled right back.

"What question?" He asked, completely lost by the recent turn of events.

"_Fishing?_"

"Well, we do have some things to deal with." Jack explained. "But if that's what you want, I'll find a way to make it happen." He ran is hand up and down her arm, making her breath hitch. "I think you'll love it."

"Will you be there?"

"Every second."

"Then I'll love it."

Sam being openly affectionate towards him, without a trace of reluctance made Jack's heart swell. He kissed her again.

"Land of the sky blue waters." He whispered.

"Loofahs. Yeah sure you betcha." She shot back at him.

Jack smiled, amazed she had held onto his words for so long.

"I assume by loofahs." Sam continued. "You didn't mean the sponge?"

"Unfortunately no. But you're welcome to bring one."

"I may just do that." She smiled cheekily. "You'll have to help me use it."

Jack was reeling, still finding it hard to believe this was all happening. This openly affectionate, openly flirtatious Carter was one he had never met before, one he'd fantasized about plenty, but not one he'd actually encountered. Jack suspected it wouldn't take very much at all for this Sam Carter to push him completely over the edge. He'd waited for her for eight years after all. But he knew the time wasn't right for that either. No, he'd have to resist temptation just a little longer.

"Sounds like a plan." A plan. Hmmm. They needed a plan. Their military ranks were still a stick in the spokes after all. But that could wait too. All that mattered right now was her. Sweet, beautiful, perfect Samantha Carter was his in his arms, and Jack O'Neill would find a way to make sure she stayed there.


	6. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

"I guess to most children, the moon is just a beautiful light in the sky. But when I looked at it, all I can remember thinking is _why_?" Sam explained, resting her head against her CO's chest. The steady rise and fall was threatening to lull her into sleep once more. "_Why_ was it there? How did it get there? Would it ever go away?"

"All valid questions." Jack mumbled his reply, not out of lack of interest, but of sleep threatening to take hold of him as well. He had lead a long life of fighting off the Sandman, but the intoxicating warmth of Sam's proximity was making this particular battle a difficult one.

He tried to picture what Sam looked like at the age of four. A task made slightly easier by an aging photograph Jacob had once shown to him. She'd had long blonde, soft curls and was dressed in costume for Halloween – an astronaut. Carter had been none too pleased he'd seen that photo, apparently embarrassed. This prompted Jack to tease her about it on many occasions, because Carter embarrassed was pretty darn hot.

"I wondered all the time, about everything. I asked so many questions, I'm surprised my mother didn't tear her hair out. But most of the time, nobody had any answers for me."

"So you decided you'd just head to the moon and check it out for yourself?" Jack ventured.

Sam smiled. He really did know her better than anybody.

She shifted against him and moved even closer, laying her whole upper body on top of his. She rested both her hands on the middle of his chest and stared up at him.

Jack wondered if he might drown in those gorgeous blue eyes.

"Yes. I did everything I could to make sure that I would one day work for NASA." Jack could see the look of regret in those beautiful blue pools. "But I should never have joined the military."

He understood then what this conversation was all about -she blamed herself for them being apart for so long.

If anyone was to blame it was him. He should never have agreed to leave things in that damn room. Once that force shield came down he should have kissed her, and held her, and never let go. Okay, so the place was seconds away from being blown to smithereens. Jack wasn't entirely sure that a kiss from Carter wasn't worth it. Especially after the first hand experience he'd been receiving this past hour.

"Hey. Who knows where we'd be if you hadn't?" He reassured her.

"Ohh.. I have a pretty fair idea sir." She grinned at him, sliding one of her hands down his muscular arm, and weaving her fingers between his.

Jack wondered if he'd died. Paradise couldn't be far off this.

Then when she threw her thigh over the top of him, he was certain this was heaven.

He was set on not letting anything go anywhere. Not just yet anyway. Although the weight of her thigh wrapped across his middle was certainly testing his resolve.

She was on the same page as him, he was sure. They'd waited too long to do this thing right, to screw it up now.

"We'll get there pretty soon, I promise." Jack slid his hand under the bottom of her shirt, to find the warmth of her skin. He slid his fingers back and forth on her lower back reassuringly. He did not anticipate the pleasured sigh that emerged from Sam's lips. Now _that_ was hot.

"Maybe we should get some sleep?" Jack suggested.

Sam smiled at him, knowing perfectly well why he had.

"Don't go getting boring on me General." She said biting her lower lip to stop from giggling.

Two could play at that game.

"Go to sleep Colonel." He placed a goodnight kiss on the top of her head. "That's an order!" He cupped her face in his hand and stroked her cheek playfully with his thumb. Sam smiled that gorgeous smile, and moved into a more comfortable position, not straying too far from Jack's arms. He was more than alright with that.

THREADS

_Sir, none of this has to leave this room._

Jack was busy mulling. What the hell had he been thinking? The way Carter fit so perfectly in his arms was so incredibly _right_, how could he have ever thought that was the right call? Jack thought about it some more, and came to an all too familiar conclusion. _Idiot._

She was sleeping again. Sleeping in his arms. Brigadier General Jack O'Neill had Colonel Samantha Carter asleep in his arms. _Sweet._ He tightened his arm around her, in a hapless attempt to protect her from anymore bad dreams that might visit.

He knew he should be sleeping himself, he certainly needed it, but he was too afraid to let this moment go. It far was too precious to sleep through.

Jack brought his watch up to his line of view. 04.26. He was supposed to report to the base at zero seven hundred hours. Jack's heart tightened at just how close that was. Another two hours of her wasn't enough. He wondered if any amount of her could ever be enough after how much time he had wasted.

Eight years…

Eight years he had wasted being afraid, making excuses, turning away from the best thing that ever happened to him. _Stupid, moron, idiot._

Sam shifted in her sleep. He brought his hand up into her golden hair, stroking it gently.

After all the pain he had caused in his life… all the damage… all the people who had lost their lives because of him…

His son…

He was certain he didn't deserve _any_ kind of happiness, let alone this _perfection_ in his arms. Yet here she was. Sixteen years his junior. Strong. Brave. Brilliant. With a smile that could drive any man insane. He wasn't a big fan of scientists, but on her… it worked. It more than worked actually; it was one hundred percent _hot._

He'd been beyond thinking he would ever know any kind of redemption. There was no redemption for the things he had done. No matter how many times he saved the world, or how much of himself he sacrificed, it would never be enough. Nothing could erase the mistakes he had made. Nothing would wash away the blood on his hands. But Carter… she felt about as close as he might ever get. When she looked at him with such love, such joy, he found it almost plausible that there was something good inside him. Something worthy. Something, that was still worth fighting for…

He leant down and placed a kiss on her forehead.

_Maybe he wasn't a lost cause after all? _

Jack cursed himself for taking so long to get here. She deserved better. So much better. She deserved _romance_ damn it. To be swept off her feet, no hesitation. Come hell or high water he was going to make up for lost time.

What had held him back for so long was not some aggrandized sense of honour and duty. Even he didn't have an ego big enough to believe he was the only man alive capable of defending the planet. What had held him back for so long was the intrinsic fear that came with loving someone as deeply as he loved Samantha Carter. A powerfully unsettling dread, that he could never make her happy, or even worse, that he might cause her pain.

Even before they lost Charlie, he had caused Sara so much grief. He loved her, and she knew that, but it wasn't enough. She'd needed him to open up, to let down his walls, to let her in…But instead he pushed her away. Even though he knew it hurt her, even though he hated himself for it. His silence, his walls, they broke her heart just a little bit at a time. The idea of putting Sam through that… it terrified him.

But he was done being afraid.

Having her so close, made things so incredibly clear. He could do this. He really could. He could make her happy. If she needed him to open up, to talk, he'd drag the words out of himself kicking and screaming. He'd do it. For her, he'd find a way. He was not going to screw _this_ up.

He gazed down at Sam, who looked deep in slumber. He had no idea why something so beautiful had come into his life. The even bigger mystery being why she wanted him in hers. But he knew, whatever the reason, he would be grateful for it everyday for the rest of his years. As his eyes fell closed, unable to fight sleep any longer, he couldn't help but appreciate knowing, that when they opened again, she would still be there.

"_Should have brought more snacks."_

"_I don't think that would have helped."_

"_One fifty six."_

"_Sir, you've got to get out of here."_

"_So do you."_

"_Sir, sir there's no time!" _

"_Sir!"_

"_I know! I know!"_

"_Sir! Just go!"_

"_No!"_

_She looked at him with such longing, such sadness. Did she honestly believe his life was a sacrifice? Not for a fleeting instant would he consider leaving her behind. Leaving her wasn't on the cards. If he ever lost her, that intangible glimmer of hope he had for his life, his soul, would be lost with her. His soul was tied to hers, and if she died here on this armoured ship, his soul would also perish. As it was, it was damaged, laid in ruins at his feet, ripped apart by the many tortures of his lifetime. He dared not hope that it could ever be repaired, ever be revived. But the moment he first glimpsed her existence, something sparked inside him. The dying embers of his soul began to crackle and burn again. If she left him now, the tattered ruins of himself would dwindle, until there was nothing left but cinders, too cold to ever know warmth again. She was what kept him alive. No, he wouldn't leave._

_The distance between them was only inches, but the expanse seemed like several miles. The barrier between them shimmered and hummed in a wave of crystal blue light, taunting them with its presence. If he could only touch her… feel her… thank her for her existence in these last few seconds before they were gone forever. He was about to lose his life, and he failed to care. That he was about to lose Carter… that shattered him._

_As Jack saw the tears begin to well in her eyes, he listened for the sound. The inevitable thunder of armour hitting the floor as the Jaffa rounded the corner, piercing this brief moment of absolute honesty. His eyes remained fixed with hers; he knew he would only have a few more seconds, as he had lived this dream a dozen times over. The look in her eyes was always the same._

_Sam broke her eyes away from his and glanced at her watch. Sixteen seconds._

"_Please?! Please sir?! Just go! Don't die here with me!" She begged, devastated by the certain knowledge that even if he left now, there was no escape for him._

"_Carter! There is no me, without you!"_

_As the first tear ran down Sam's cheek, Jack realised he had never seen this before. This wasn't how things went. He listened. No footsteps. He glanced at his watch. 00.00._

"_Everything's different."_

"_What?" Sam muttered through her tears._

"_Look at your watch."_

"_The C4 should have gone by now."_

"_I don't think it's going to. Not this time."_

"_What do you mean?"_

_Jack watched as Sam wiped the tears away from her face. She looked like she was trying to regain her composure, put her own walls back up. He hesitated for a moment. Not having lived this before, he wasn't exactly sure how things were supposed to go from here on out. Perhaps it was all up to him now?_

_He lifted his hand, and pressed it firmly against the force shield. It whirred and protested against his weight, sending ripples of blue light in a wall in front of his eyes._

_Sam watched, uncertain as to what exactly he was doing. When she looked up to his eyes, they told her. He was still trying to reach her. She lifted her hand, never looking away from his gaze, and pressed it right where his hand lay on the other side. The force shield came crashing down in an instant, her fingertips finding his._

"_Did you see that?"_

"_I sure did."_

_Without hesitation he grabbed her hand, pulled her into his arms, and pressed his lips against hers. Now this…This was how it was supposed to go._

_He pulled back, not wanting to stop, but desperate to tell her what he needed to before it was too late. He knew he didn't have much time left._

"_We better get out of here." She said regretfully. "The C4 could still go at any minute."_

"_I love you, Carter." _

"_What?" _

"_I love you."_

"_Sir-"_

"_It's okay, you don't have to say anything. I just needed you to know. You deserved to know. I should have told you a long time ago."_

"_I love you too."_

"_Really?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Sweet."_

_She smiled at him, and he took her hand._

Beep. Beep. Beep. The sound of Jack's wrist watch woke him in an instant. _Damn it. _Still half unconscious he instinctively reached for the tiny button on his watch to silence the alarm. He forced his eyes to open, and focus on the room around him. _Carter? _For one remorseful second he thought she had gone. The comforting weight at his side was no longer present. He leant up to search for her.

"Sam?"

"I'm here, sir." He caught a slight movement out of the corner of his eye. Sam was sitting curled up in an armchair beside the bed. She appeared to have changed her attire, and was holding a mug in the palms of her hands, presumably filled of coffee.

"Hey." Said Jack, still apparently drowsy. "Thought I'd lost you for a second."

"I'm pretty sure you'd find me." She placed her coffee cup on the small table that laid beside the chair and rested her head on her knees, wrapping her arms around her legs to keep them steady. She smiled at him.

"Count on it Carter."

"Are you alright sir?"

"Fine." He assured her, resting his head back on the pillow, knowing well it was a dangerous thing to do. He was exhausted. Fortunately he was more than used to that.

"Were you dreaming?" She asked softly.

"How did you know?"

"You said my name."

"Do I do that a lot?" He'd dreamt about Carter trapped behind that force shield dozens of times over the years, as well as many other, much more pleasant dreams about Carter. _Much more pleasant. _Although the dream he just had certainly knocked it out of the park.

"Sometimes you smile in your sleep. But I've never heard you say my name before."

"You watch me when I sleep Carter?"

"Of course sir. Night watch duty calls."

"You know, you're supposed to be watching the night, not me."

"Some things can't be helped sir." The golden light of the morning sun poured in through the bedroom window, catching her hair, making her look like the beautiful goddess she was. Jack knew he should be worried about what the day would hold, but he wasn't. This perfect angel with an IQ of a million wanted to be with him. He didn't dare to embrace the idea that she loved him, but he couldn't keep the hope at bay. It became increasingly potent every time she looked at him the way she did now.

Jack glanced at his watch. 07.03. He was going to be late checking in to the base. Not for the first time Jack was grateful he was the one in charge. He was good at holding himself accountable, but it was nice to have some leeway.

"You have to head off soon don't you Sir?"

"About half an hour ago actually." He smiled in an effort to reassure her that was fine. "I like to be fashionably late every once and awhile. Good for my cool boss image."

"You should go."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No! No, of course not. I just…There are things I have to take care of…" She looked at her hands, and Jack couldn't tell if it was sadness or shame she was feeling - perhaps both. She was supposed to be married next week, and she'd spent the night in the arms of another man, her boss none the less. He knew she didn't have anything to be ashamed of. Next to Daniel, she was one of the most moralistic people he had ever known, which is probably the exact reason why she was feeling guilty right about now.

"I understand." He said, in a tone that made her believe he really did. "You need anything, you call me, you hear?"

Sam watched as Jack rose to a standing position. She stared up at him, her blue eyes sparkling in the morning sun. He closed the gap between them, coming to a stop at her feet. He hesitated, not wanting to pile anything more on top of the guilt she was probably feeling. He had been meaning to give her a kiss goodbye. He thought better of it and reached out to give her shoulder a comforting squeeze instead. He looked her in the eyes, telling her that he was there for her.

He didn't want to leave her at all, but he knew there was little choice. With reluctance he let his hand fall away from her shoulder and turned to leave the room.

"Sir." She said suddenly, reaching out to grab his hand, bringing him to a complete stand still. He turned around to meet her eyes. The way she clung to his hand told him everything he needed to know. He brought his other hand to her cheek, and she covered it with her own. He leant down and kissed her on her forehead.

"Don't worry, everything's gonna be okay. I promise."

She smiled at him, and he could see his words gave her strength. He gave her one more kiss, before commanding his hands to let go of hers. He turned to make a quick exit, knowing the temptation to stay just one more minute might hold him captive for hours. As he reached her bedroom door, he turned back to look at her one last time.

"You. Me. Fishing. No pesky fish to interrupt us. It's gonna be great."

She beamed at him, showing him nothing but happiness on her face for the first time since he'd woken. That's what finally gave him the strength he needed to leave.

"I can't wait sir."

"Remember to pack extra underwear. Or, you know… don't."

And with that Jack made a hasty retreat, listening joyously to the giggles that trailed out of the room behind him.


	7. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

Sam listened regretfully, as the sound of Jack's boots hitting the wood floor began to fade. Less than a minute out of her sight and she was already beginning to ache for his return. She'd never felt so close to him, or _anyone_ for that matter, in her entire life. She almost wondered if her heart would survive his leaving. The comfort his presence brought to her was becoming increasingly clear the more distance he put between them. She flinched at the sound of the front door closing as the General left her home. If she were a more impulsive person, the urge to run after him, throw away his car keys and drag him back inside might have been one she indulged. Unfortunately for her, and probably just as unfortunate for Jack, she was not at all an impulsive person. As a matter of fact, she could probably be classified as downright over-cautious.

Still, his imminent departure was enough to compel her to her feet and follow his path to the closed door. She rested her head against it, fighting to keep herself steady.

_Today was going to be a long, long day…_

She waited until she heard the sound of the engine starting, and the squeal of the tires leaving before she finally managed to break herself away from the door. She felt it a small victory, that she had managed to let him go. What she really wanted was to curl up in bed with him all day, talking and touching, and kissing and holding, and perhaps other things…She never let herself think about the other things though.

As she entered into the kitchen her anxiety about the day ahead began to rise. She had been in here less than an hour ago making coffee, but could not brave even a momentary glimpse at the phone… Once she turned that phone back on Pete would call in no time. Since she had failed to speak to him since the previous morning, she estimated within minutes. Not to mention probably a dozen voice mails ready to bombard her at the first given opportunity. She could only thank her lucky stars he hadn't turned up during the night. Fate had afforded her a taste of heaven, and there was no way whatsoever she could turn her back on it… on _him_. She could ache, and long, and hurt, and cry over him for the rest of her life, if that is what it came to… but giving him up? _No chance. _And for the first time ever, she was completely okay with that. Even if they never got to be together the way she wanted, it didn't matter anymore. What she seen in his eyes last night told her everything she needed to know… he loved her. He would always love her… and that meant more than even the most pleasant marriage she could imagine with another man. What she shared with Jack was an intense and profound devotion, exactly what a wedding was supposed to symbolise. Even if she never got to stand before him in a white gown…They had the important part covered. She'd wait for him. Until her dying day if she had to.

She stood before the phone, which sat upon the kitchen bench, willing herself to do what was necessary. The task of plugging the phone line back in might not have seemed such a daunting one if she had even a clue of what she was supposed to tell Pete. _How could she explain turning off her phone? How could she explain not turning to him for comfort after her father had just passed away? How could she explain that she couldn't marry him because she was deeply in love with her commanding officer?_ Sam swallowed and felt a lump in her throat.

After standing there lost in a wave of confusion for a good fifteen minutes, she concluded that she needed to get her thoughts in order before she could face Pete. God forbid she said something that compromised General O'Neill. She turned around, ready to go shower, when she caught eye of his gray tweed jacket. Jack had left so promptly he had forgotten to take it with him. She had seen him wear it on many occasions, and was almost certain it was his favourite. She liked him in fatigues quite frankly. She smiled to herself, picturing him in his black tee shirt that clung in all the right places. Luckily for her she got to see him wear that almost everyday when they went off world together. Just one more thing she missed about not having him in command of SG-1. His witty one liners that never failed to make her smile also rated pretty high.

She sighed and wandered over to the jacket, which was long dry by now. She took it down from the hook on which it hung and held it close to her chest. It certainly wasn't anything like holding the man himself, but right now, she'd take any substitute she could get. She nestled her face into the fabric, and indulged herself in the comfort of his smell. She'd always had a weak spot for his smell. It was a hard scent to describe. Something akin to sweat and loveliness was the best she could come up with. Whatever it was, she had never encountered it before, it was something uniquely… _Jack_.

She wandered back to the phone, still clutching the jacket tightly against her, and without much thought at all restored the service to her phone. Strange how his scent alone could remove all of her self doubt.

She decided to lie down and collect her thoughts while she waited for the inevitable call. No man alive would part her from her new found comforter however, which she draped over herself like a blanket. She knew she was being ridiculous placing such importance on an article of clothing, but couldn't bring herself to care. It was the only proof she had that he had actually been here. That the night she spent kissing and holding him wasn't some far fetched fantasy she had created to console herself in wake of losing her father. She grasped onto the jacket just a little tighter. No…It was _real. _Jack O'Neill had kissed her, with a passion and tenderness that even she didn't anticipate. She closed her eyes, trying to bring herself back to that moment when their lips first touched. She had never felt such divine pleasure in all her life. Not even analysing the data from a bunch of freshly run simulations could compare. She didn't dare imagine what it would be like to actually _be with _Jack O'Neill. Her heart, body and soul wanted to go there, however her mind thought it knew better. While she had a great appreciation for her mind, she was beginning to believe it had defined her for far too long. She'd spent her entire life being the student, the scientist, the soldier…Maybe her mind should keep quiet for a while and just let her _feel_ for once…

"_Hey Baby."_

"_Sir!"_

"_What are you doing back here Carter? I thought we had a deal?"_

"_Deal's still on sir."_

"_And yet, you're back? Let me guess? You couldn't resist the call of this empty hunk of space junk? You know this never would have happened if we had called it the Enterprise"_

"_My bad, sir. Greek tragedies aside, I thought it was fitting. I'm still not sure a television show should have influenced our choice when naming our star battleship."_

"_Not even the Love Boat? Seems fitting right about now."_

"_You're cute sir."_

"_So I take it the waking up went well?"_

"_You have no idea."_

"_Care to fill me in?"_

"_I know it doesn't seem right, given the circumstances. But if I'm to be honest, I think last night was the happiest night of my life."_

"_Oh?"_

"_We kissed."_

"_Lucky me."_

"_I'm not sure if it's because I'd waited for that moment for so long, or it's because I've never been with anyone I truly loved before. Or maybe you're just a really good kisser?"_

"_I like the second one. Not that number three doesn't have its appeal."_

"_It's true sir, you're the only man I've ever loved."_

"_Get over here, now."_

"_Is that an order sir?"_

"_If you want it to be. Alternatively I could come over there. Either way you're going to be in my arms in t minus 5 seconds."_

_Sam crawled the short distance between them, heart pounding at the anticipation of being in his arms again. She loved him with every cell in her body, and here there were no rules, no regulations that stood in her way. Jack reached for her as she came near, his strong, muscular arms pulling her onto his lap. She straddled him, so he could hold her as close as possible. She met his gaze, and witnessed his beautiful brown eyes filled with an intense longing. This…This is what she had come back for. He'd come to her when she needed him the most, just as he always did. She couldn't just leave him here… _

_His body pressed so desperately close against hers only fuelled her yearning. She could feel his heart pounding, his rapid breathing that mimicked her own desire. The look of pure love in his eyes, told her he'd been longing for her to return, and desperately thankful she had._

"_I love you, Jack."_

_His lips met hers in a kiss soft and sweet, rapidly escalating to passionate and desperate. He brought his hand up to her face, making her heart flutter with joy at how gentle his touch could be. He groaned with pleasure as she ran her fingers through his hair, encouraging him to take the kiss deeper. She parted her lips, desperate to feel more of him. She wasn't sure there could ever be enough. There was no amount of kissing that could ever express how deep her love ran, but she was giving it her best. He pulled away from her, and she allowed it with great reluctance, not wanting for it to ever end. He tipped his forehead against hers, wanting to stay as close as possible and still be able to tell her what he desperately needed to._

"_You're the love of my life Sam. Don't ever forget that, no matter what happens. Promise me you'll remember?"_

"_I promise."_

_He could see in her eyes, he'd caused her worry with his words. He kissed her again._

"_It's just…I have a habit of royally screwing things up…You're the one thing I don't think I could survive losing."_

_The worry in her eyes quickly softened into tenderness, with intense joy that made her eyes sparkle with tears._

"_You won't lose me. There is no me, without you."_

_He looked into her eyes with what appeared to be a profound realisation dawning upon him. Followed by a softness in his gaze like she had never witnessed before._

_He kissed her again, wrapping his arms fully around her middle and pulling her tightly against him in a desperate bid to show her just how much he wanted her…Just how much he loved her._

"Sam. Wake up Honey."

"_No! Please? I don't want to go! Not now!" She started to cry, and clung to Jack desperately, well aware of what was happening._

"_It's okay Sam." Jack smiled at her "You know where to find me if you ever need me." He kissed away the tear that rolled down her cheek._

Her eyes snapped open in an instant, still filled with the despair she had brought out of her dream with her.

"Pete?"

"Hi Honey."

Sam was shocked to find her fiancé lying beside her on the bed. Not something most fiancés are usually shocked by.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, more out of surprise than anything else. The last thing she remembered was daydreaming about the wonder that was Jack O'Neill in battledress uniform.

"I've been trying to call you since yesterday. I heard about your dad. I'm so sorry Honey."

"How did you hear?" She sat up, incredibly uncomfortable at finding him so close to her.

"Mark called me. Wanted to make sure I was taking care of you." It occurred to Sam, and not for the first time, that dating someone her brother fixed her up with, was perhaps not the best idea.

"Oh." It was the best she could do until her brain decided to catch up with her now conscious state.

"Why didn't you call me? I would have been here in a flash."

"I know. I'm sorry.' She really wasn't. "I just…Didn't feel like talking right now."

As she began to reawaken fully, so did her guilt…With a vengeance. The way Pete looked at her with so much love, so much care and devotion, made her stomach want to turn itself inside out with remorse. Not for the night she had spent in the arms of her commanding officer, but for ever getting involved with Pete in the first place. She'd had her heart stolen by another man long ago, she simply didn't have one to give to Pete, and she should have never fooled herself into believing she did.

"I understand. I'm here for you, whenever you need me."

Sam's guilt went into overdrive.

"Pete, we need to ta-."

"I've got something that's gonna cheer you right up. It's at our new house."

_Our house? Oh god. _She'd somehow managed to block that out completely.

"I picked up the keys first thing this morning." Pete continued. "I thought a fresh change of scenery might be just the thing."

"Pete, I really don't kno-."

"You go shower and change." He cut her off again in his enthusiasm. "We can head straight over. I know your surprise can't wait."

_Oh no. No. No. No. No. No. Please god? Don't be a dog._


	8. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

_So_, the box was on the floor… That was Sam's first clue she wasn't going to like what was in it. The second clue she picked up on, was that this particular present seemed to have large punctures, which looked suspiciously like air holes in the sides and in the lid. The third, and perhaps most obvious clue, was the way the box tipped over on its side as they approached, almost as if it had heard them coming, and was quite excited by their arrival. Since she hadn't encountered many gifts that moved of their own accord, she could only conclude once more, that she _really_ wasn't going to like this present. It wasn't that she didn't like dogs, on the contrary she loved them. In fact, if Sam wasn't completely distracted by her overwhelming sense of dread, she might have taken the time to deem this situation ironic.

As a child, she'd wished for exactly this scenario every Christmas. Unfortunately having a father in the military meant she and her family moved houses, and even states, quite frequently. She was certain that her parents would never allow her to have a dog. Still she hoped to have a dog of her own when she was an adult. But having chosen the same path as her father, meant she didn't have the time to give a furry friend the attention it deserved. Regrettably, she had to be satisfied talking to her plants.

No, she quite liked dogs. What troubled her about the sight before her was not the tiny black nose poking so adorably out of the corner of the lid. It was the lasting commitment it represented. Returning a ring that sat small and enclosed, hidden inside a velvet box, that was one thing. Pete could throw it in the back of a cupboard and pretend it never existed, pawn it for some golf clubs, or drop it into a lake cursing her name. But what was he supposed to do with the dog that was supposed to be _their_ dog? Once again Sam felt the pang of guilt in her stomach. It was so strong it brought a wave of nausea with it. She was already about to reject Pete, his proposal, his house…And now she also had to reject his puppy. She honestly couldn't feel like a worse kind of person. The tiny box that held her engagement ring inside felt like it was burning a hole in her thigh.

That box that held the puppy inside may have well have been a naquadah bomb about to detonate, because she had never wanted to run as fast as she did right now. She wondered if she could manage to keep her feet firmly planted, as Pete threatened to take off the lid.

"Do you wanna do the honours?" Asked Pete, as he knelt down beside the box, his excitement evident.

No, she absolutely did not want to do the "honours". She did not want to see the puppy. She did not want to hold the puppy. In fact, she pretty much wanted nothing at all to do with the puppy.

"Uh…Pete? Can we go outside for a second?"

"Don't you wanna say 'hi' to this little guy first? I'm sure he's itching to see his new backyard."

"I just…We really need to talk." Sam could see he'd caught on that something was wrong. His usually bright demeanour suddenly dampened.

Sam didn't give him a chance to reply. She spun on her heel and headed straight for the front door. She tried not to witness her surroundings; she didn't want this house to be tattooed on her memory. It really was a beautiful house. She just couldn't share it with a man she didn't truly love.

Sam perched upon the garden bench that sat within the front garden. She was trying to gather some semblance of something-or-other. She wasn't sure what. _Strength? Bravery? Gumption?_

As Pete followed her out into the garden, her insides felt like they were burning with regret. She didn't want to do this. She cared for him, she really did. She didn't want to hurt him; she just wasn't in love with him. Sam despised herself for getting him into this situation. But she would hate herself even more if she went through with the wedding. It would be a lie she could never forgive herself for. The feelings she was supposed to have for him just weren't there. Exactly why she had declined when he had suggested they write their own vows. She realised now why she had had so much difficulty trying to articulate how she felt about him. It was because she didn't feel anything for him. Not what a wife was supposed to feel for her husband anyway.

She took a deep breath as Pete took a seat beside her. The way he was avoiding her eyes made her think that maybe he already knew what she was going to say. Not that she had any clue what she was going to say herself. She tried to bring herself to speak, but the words failed to come to her.

After what seemed like an eternity of silence, she finally reached into the pocket of her jeans and presented the tiny box that held her engagement ring.

"I'm sorry Pete. I can't accept this."

Pete looked at the box in her hand, but failed to meet her eye. His face showed everything he was no doubt trying to hide though. He was heartbroken, just as she'd known he'd be.

"I knew from the beginning."

He had. He'd always known. From the moment he met her, he knew there was no way he was lucky enough to land a girl like her. She was gorgeous, and sexy, and well beyond smart. But truthfully, he just couldn't help himself. She was so many shades of wonderful, he couldn't turn away, even when he knew he should.

She appeared to be happy with him, but he'd sensed her reluctance and doubt every step of the way; he wouldn't be much of a cop if he hadn't. Their first night together, he could feel the way she tensed in his arms; the way she flinched at his touch. That told him clearly that she didn't truly want him. That she was pushing herself into it for some reason. That was why he had stormed out the morning after. He knew she was going to push him away. If not immediately, then eventually.

He'd just hoped he was wrong…

"Guess I just thought when you said yes that…You were worth the risk."

_She was. She was so worth it. But he should have followed his instincts._

"Don't say I deserve better. Can't get much better then you."

"That's not true."

His words of kindness stung, and only added to her guilt. She wanted him to get angry at her. It was what she deserved.

"I wish I could believe this had something to do with your father. You needed some time to sort things out."

Pete was trying to ignore the dreaded feeling that there was someone else. He didn't want to think about her with anyone else. But walking into her bedroom this morning to find he covered in a mans jacket… He'd told himself it was her father's, because he was too scared to ask. He was still too scared to ask. It was over. He didn't need her to tell him why. He already knew…She didn't love him.

"I guess all I can say is, I hope you get what you want."

"That's it?" That he was still being his usual sweet self, after everything she had put him through… She didn't want to be let off the hook so easily. She wanted him to scream, so she'd have the freedom to scream an apology right back at him, to cry in front of him, and express her overwhelming guilt so that he would see just how sorry she was. If he left without her telling him, she'd have to carry this weight around with her until she found a way to forgive herself.

"What do you want? You want me to get down on my knees and beg?"

He didn't want things to end like this, but he wasn't going to sit here and try to convince her to love him. He'd been trying to do that for over a year now. That was why he sent her roses, and gifts, and tried so hard to make her smile whenever he could. That was why he had proposed, why he bought her a house, why he transferred jobs to be with her, why he bought a god damn puppy. He couldn't do it any more; she was never going to feel the way about him that he felt for her.

"God, no, of course not. It's just, I thought you would react differently."

She wouldn't have thought it possible, but she had somehow managed to make the situation worse.

"Bye, Sam."

The promptness with which he left startled her. She still hadn't told him what she needed to tell him. Although she knew deep down there was nothing she could say to make this okay.  
"Pete…"

As she watched him pull away the "SOLD" sign in front of the house, she realised she would never get the closure she was hoping for. She had to let him go now…She'd done enough damage. She couldn't chase after him with her remorse. That would be of little consolation to him. She'd have to live with herself, and her mistakes. Fortunately, she was certain she would never make them again.

THREADS

Sam stared at the blinking cursor of the screen. Amazingly she had managed to get through half a page before she broke down completely. The task of finding words that could somehow do justice to her father's life was not one she took lightly.

She almost wished her brother was able to perform the eulogy on her behalf, but he would not be given clearance for the service held in the gate room, that would be for SGC personnel only, with the exception of a few Tok'ra that had requested attendance. Not only did she need to find words to honour her father, but Selmak also.

After rereading the few paragraphs she'd already written, she held her finger down on the backspace key and dissolved into tears. Nothing she could say could tell of the spectacular expanse of his years, or express the gravity of his loss.

She wished she had gone home to do this. She regarded her lab as her own safe haven, and in truth she felt it was more her home than her actual home. It's where she retreated to when she felt hurt or overwhelmed. But SGC personnel frequently walked by the doorway, and visited her with reports and memos. She really did not want anyone to walk in and see her in this state.

On the plus side, feeling bad about losing her father seemed to have trumped feeling guilty about Pete -for the moment anyway.

She was yet to see General O'Neill since he had left her in her bedroom early that morning. She glanced at the clock on the bottom corner of her laptop. 7:15PM. That was only 12 hours ago, yet it felt as if days had passed. She didn't count on seeing him again today, he'd be trying to catch up on all of the work he'd missed yesterday. Given that his schedule was pretty full, she doubted he'd have the time to come see her.

If she wasn't entirely preoccupied with the task at hand, she might have had the space to feel nervous about seeing him again. Thankfully or not, there was a limit to how many emotions she could fit in at once.

She wiped furiously at her tears, angry with herself. She'd done enough crying in the past 24 hours.

"Carter?"

Sam's eyes shot up from the computer screen to the lab doorway.

"Ja-…General?" Her mind was ready to call him Jack. She decided to give her mind a stern talking to when she got home. "I..I…Wasn't expecting to see you here."

That nervousness she hadn't had space for earlier, decided it was time for its day in the sun.

"I do work here ya know?" He wandered in and stood at the opposite side of the lab table. "In fact, I'm kinda a big deal around here." He declared, in a show of phony bravado.

He could tell from the shade of pink that coloured her nose, and her slightly puffy eyes that she had been crying. Probably for a while. Jack cursed himself silently. _He should never have left her._

"I just…I mean…I thought you'd be too busy."

Indeed he was. Very too busy in fact. Last word from the rebel Jaffa was less than favourable, and he was on constant standby. Jack O'Neill did not like being on standby. He'd rather be off world getting shot at by Kull warriors than waiting to hear further reports they were on the brink of annihilating everyone in the galaxy. To top that off he was completely buried under paperwork, and it had been one mishap after another at the SGC all day. SG-14 had failed to report in. Some very expensive high-tech gizmo had gone belly up, leaving the vast variety of science geeks employed by the SGC in a frenzy. Several security cameras were down. Not to mention the commissary was out of red jello. Although that was more his gripe than anyone elses.

Unfortunately he hadn't been able to think of anything other than Carter for more than a minute all day, and quite possibly would have completely lost his mind if he went much longer without seeing her.

"Yes…Well…" He trailed off.

He wanted to walk straight around to the opposite side of that lab table, and cover her face - and possibly other places - with kisses. Unfortunately he knew better, so instead he threw her the most heartfelt look he could summon. Trying to convey the immensity of which he loved her into a look was no doubt a losing battle.

Still, she seemed to take comfort in it. Although it did little to make him feel better. He hated to see her in pain and not be able to touch her. He'd always hated that. It had been a _long_ eight years of hating that. "Have you eaten?"

"No actually, I'm starving." She sniffled and wiped away the last of her tears from the corner of her eye. Jack wished he was able to do that for her. She'd cried way too many tears for his liking. He much preferred to see her smile. Laughing?_ Even better_.

"Well I have some bad news…" Jack said solemnly.

Sam stood to attention, preparing herself for another blow. "We're all out of red jello."

Sam giggled. She had a strange feeling she wasn't going to be crying anymore for the rest of the evening.

THREADS

Jack eyed his dinner tray in disgust.

"It's really not that bad sir." Sam chided.

"It's green Carter! Green!" He refuted in mock outrage. "I shouldn't have to suffer this indignity."

Sam knew this little performance was all for her benefit, and she was enjoying every minute of it.

They shuffled away from the service line, making their way to their regular table. They'd been pretty much sitting at the same table for eight years now. Whenever a member of SG-1 went to the commissary for a meal, their table always seemed to be spare. It had taken about a year into the program before one of them - namely Daniel - realised it was because the rest of the personnel had deemed it 'SG-1's table'. Much like how the rest of the school regards the 'cool kids table' in the high school cafeteria.

"You could have gotten blue Sir." She reasoned, more than happy to play along.

"I was saving it for you."

Sam couldn't help but smile at that. It was her favourite, and the fact that he knew that even though she'd never mentioned meant he'd been paying her unnecessary attention. Much to her relief, the tension she felt about seeing him dissolved with that red jello remark. But the butterflies she felt in her tummy were yet to quieten. In fact they seemed to be kicking up more of a storm every time he looked at her.

Nothing had changed at all, they were still the same them they always were. But the way he stood extra close to her on the elevator told her he still wanted more. He hadn't changed his mind, like a small part of her feared he would. Jack O'Neill had a habit of building iron clad walls around himself, and a small part of her had feared he'd spent the day putting them back up. The gentleness and care he showed her in his eyes told her that fear was unfounded. He still wanted to be with her.

She took her seat at the table for four, placing her dinner in front of her as she did. Jack stood beside the table watching, then to Sam's surprise, placed down his tray and slid onto the seat beside her. Traditionally when there are two seated at a table, they sit opposite each other to make conversation easier, apparently General O'Neill had other ideas.

Indeed he did have other ideas. Usually he liked to sit across from Carter so he could watch her eat, which he deemed quite the indulgence. Especially on the rare occasion they were serving something borderline enjoyable. The subtle little "mmm" sound she made when she enjoyed something, well…He liked that sound quite a bit. Quite a bit indeed.

But tonight, seeing her just wasn't gonna cut it. He needed to be close to her, and since he couldn't hold her and touch her like he wanted to…Sitting beside her was going to have to be a less than satisfactory substitute. He wished he could take her to dinner off the base, but with the possible cataclysmic situation unfolding at Dakara, he really couldn't justify ducking out to a nice restaurant.

The two of them sat in silence, trying to focus on their meals. Jack in particular was finding the warmth of their thighs touching a tad distracting. Not that it was escaping Sam's attention at all. She noticed. She noticed lots.

He was so delightfully warm, and it was pulling her back to the memory of him touching her…That was the happiest she had ever felt in her entire life. No man had ever brought her to that kind of ecstasy before, and all he'd done to make her feel that way was hold her.

The fact that they were almost completely alone was making it even harder to concentrate on not touching him. In the morning, through to mid afternoon, the commissary was always busy. But the majority of the SGC personnel went home for the day during the evening, so there were only a few stray airmen tucked away, quite a few tables away from them. Sam was beginning to wonder what they could get away with. She swiftly ordered her mind to stop being a trouble maker and focus on the lunch in front of it.

Jack on the other hand…He wasn't so strict with his mind. It was going all sorts of places it ought not be going. Not now. Not at the SGC with the millions of security cameras. Not when they were yet to come up with any semblance of a plan on how they were going to deal with military regulations. Not when she was still enga-…

"So, how was your day?" Jack asked.

Sam knew in an instant he was fishing.

Sam smiled. _Fishing_.

It was hard to tell from the position he was sitting, but it looked very much to Jack like she was smiling. After finding her in tears in the lab, he didn't think she would be smiling about her day.

"Was that a smile I just saw?"

"Yes sir."

"And what, may I ask, are we smiling about?"

"I was just thinking about our fishing trip." She confessed.

"Ah…That. Yes, it will be quite the frolic, I promise."

"Yeah sure you betcha."

Jack turned his full attention to Carter, who seemed to be pretending to show interest in her less than appetizing meal. She'd taken him straight back to last night, just after their first real kiss that completely rocked his world. He was in a very dangerous situation here. He was so completely in love with this woman that he honestly wasn't sure if he could control himself. Not now. Not now he had let her in. Her touch, her smell, her love was so wonderfully addictive, he wanted more. Jack scouted out the room once more. No one would notice if he held her hand. That's all he wanted.

_Just her hand. _

Jack trailed his fingers along the edge of her thigh, slowly savouring the moment, before resting his hand on top of her leg.

The contact sent a rush of desire through Sam that even she did not anticipate. She tried not to react, to keep her breathing steady, but it was a task indeed, and not one she was sure she was accomplishing all that well. She looked up from her blue jello, which even she had to admit, was not as fascinating as she had been trying to pretend.

The instant she met his eyes, she fell in love with him all over again. There was so much desire, promise and comfort in those eyes, it felt almost as good as his warm embrace.

Perhaps she had been wrong about not crying for the rest of the evening, because the unfathomable joy she felt brought tears to her eyes.

She felt him flip his hand over on top of her leg. Hers instinctively wrapped around it, their fingers intertwining in what felt like two long lost puzzle pieces finally finding their place together.

"To answer your question, my day wasn't the best." Sam confessed. "But right now it seems kind of perfect."

"Perfect?" Jack held her hand a little tighter. "Yep. Definitely perfect."

.

.

.

Author note - Puppy is fine.


	9. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

Having reluctantly finished her blue jello, Colonel Samantha Carter turned her assault onto the less than spectacular looking potatoes. Not for the first time, she wondered if this concoction could even be classified as food. Luckily this evening she wasn't in the least bit interested in how it tasted, but rather how long she could go avoiding eating it. If it were anything like the jello, she estimated she could drag this meal out for another twenty minutes - tops. That simply would not do. Once they were finished eating she would have to let go of Jack's hand, and that quite clearly was not an option right now. Her hand was right where it had sought to be for eight long years, and it was putting up a fight not to be ripped away from its rightful place. Sam wasn't about to argue with it to let go, because frankly, she was completely with the hand on this one.

"I'm going to make a formal complaint sir." Sam threatened, trying her best to appear as serious as possible. Apparently her acting was a little too good, as Jack looked slightly taken aback. _Surely he would never think she meant a complaint against him?_ _The only complaint she had against him was that he wasn't touching her nearly enough._ "These meals aren't nearly big enough."

The momentary look of concern faded from his expression, much to Sam's relief.

Jack rewarded her efforts with an incredibly sly, and knowing - not to mention sexy - smile. Proving to her yet again, he wasn't nearly as slow as he pretended to be. Or perhaps it was more that he read her intentions as well as she could read his.

"I think you're right Carter." Jack played along. "I really should get on the red phone about this."

"The president really should know about this sir."

"Something has to be done."

"Perhaps we could get second helpings?" Sam shrugged as if the idea just came to her.

"We are the planet's number one line of defence. It's only fair we get an extra jello at least."

"Absolutely." She smiled at him again, thrilled he had picked up on her obvious excuse to remain sitting in the commissary for another half an hour. Unfortunately she still needed to tackle the seemingly insurmountable task of relinquishing his hand, to get her hands on that jiggly blue excuse. She could think of a few other things she'd much rather get her hands on…Any part of Jack O'Neill would do quite nicely. She was still having trouble believing this was all happening. She never thought she'd see the day when General O'Neill would put his hand on her thigh in the middle of the commissary. Just one of the many little desires that she shoved down over the years. As much as she wanted to indulge in those fantasies, the consequences were far too painful to live with. His presence, his smile, his voice – those all in sighted some pretty unbearable yearning as it was. Bringing in ideas of what his skin felt like, what his eyes looked like when full of desire, what his lips tasted of …That was just asking for trouble.

As hard as she'd tried to convince herself, her heart refused to believe the lies her head told. But she feared the moment she stopped lying to herself, the overwhelming longing might just become unbearable. Possibly prompt her to do something she'd always wanted to do, which when it came to Jack O'Neill was a lot of things.

Jack turned his attention away from Sam for a moment – a feat indeed - and to the airmen sitting at the table about six yards away. One of them at least, appeared to have finished his meal and was rising to his feet. Jack watched eagerly, awaiting the actions of the rest of the company. _Dare he hope?_

Sam followed Jack's gaze across the room. She soon realised what had caught his attention. Once the airmen were gone, they would be completely alone. Well apart from the ever looming security cameras. But at least they could have some freedom to say what they wanted, and truly enjoy each others company.

Much to the disappointment of both Sam and Jack, only two of the young gentleman rose to their feet, greeting their fellow soldier's goodbye, before exiting the commissary.

They both eyed the two remaining airmen, with a distinct look of resentment written on their faces. Although Sam had to wonder if it wasn't all for the best. She was having difficulty keeping her rising desires in check, even with their presence. Once they left, she was concerned she might snap entirely.

"So? Blue or green? That is the question." Jack announced, smiling at her in a way she found entirely sexy. "Need I ask?"

"I'll get it sir." She offered.

"I really don't like that word Carter." That was an understatement - he truly despised that word, always had. At least when it was coming from her perfectly kissable lips. Every time he heard it, it was a stabbing reminder of their military rankings. Not a day since he met her had he thought himself in any way superior to Samantha Carter. He wanted to hear her call him Jack again. The way she would if things were the way they always should have been.

"I know." He could see in her gorgeous blue eyes that she truly understood why. "But I'm sure you'll be hearing me call your name soon enough."

Jack's breath hitched for a moment and his hand tightened involuntarily in her own - just the reaction she'd been hoping for. Sam quickly reprimanded herself. Although the obvious way his breath quickened with her somewhat suggestive comment made it hard to completely regret it. Still, she quickly averted her gaze to the massacre of potatoes before her, far less compelling than the beautiful brown orbs of General Jack O'Neill.

Jack was having an awfully hard time convincing himself he didn't desperately need to kiss Carter's neck. For the first time since they entered the commissary he was grateful there were other personnel present, as he wasn't sure he could hold out otherwise. As it was he estimated one or two more comments like that could push him completely over the edge, other personnel or not. He'd held out on temptation for eight years, but last night had opened the flood gates that were now threatening to wash him away. Nothing he'd felt in his entire life could compare to the way he felt about Sam. He'd loved before of course, but this… This was _Carter_. The woman who had stood beside him, fought beside him, laughed at his stupid jokes for eight long years. He'd never shared with any woman what he shared with her. Jack wasn't sure if he believed in soul mates, but if he did…_She was his_.

"So? Umm…" Sam paused. Jack could tell she was regretting the comment she just made. Jack didn't want her to regret the comment she just made, because the comment she just made was entirely _hot_. Regret could easily put a dampener on any further comments of that nature. "Would you like more green jello?…_Jack?_"

Now _that_ was hot.

"No, I think I'll go for the blue this time around. That is, if you're willing to share?"

She was still playing with the mash potatoes on her plate, in what looked to Jack, like an attempt to avoid his gaze. He gave her hand slight squeeze. She gave in and turned to look at him.

"With you?" Sam pretended to consider him for a moment. "Always."

Sam's grasp loosened from his fingers, and he could sense the reluctance she had in letting him go. He wasn't at all pleased about it himself, and hoped it would prove worthwhile. She treated him to that gorgeous smile of hers as she rose to her feet. Jack had to use every drop of self control he had, not to turn and enjoy the sight he often enjoyed as she walked away. Under normal circumstances, he could allow himself that little luxury once and a while. He tried to keep himself in check the majority of the time out of respect for her; although he knew she didn't mind, she'd caught him at it many times and it was usually met with her rolling her eyes and that beautiful smile. But currently the incredibly gorgeous sight of Carter's perfectly shaped six posed too much risk to the some what tenuous grip he had on his self control. Jack drummed his fingers on the table top, trying in vain to distract himself from how empty his hand felt. He was beginning to see what Carter found so fascinating about mashed potatoes.

Within a moment - although it felt much longer to Jack - Carter was standing beside the table handing him another round of dessert. He wasn't in the least bit hungry, but he'd stuff down a hundred jello's if it meant being able to stay close to Carter. He really wanted that hand back.

It appeared as if that wasn't going to happen anytime soon though. Sam was busy seating herself on the opposite side of the table, the way they would sit on your average day. Jack suspected it was an attempt to distance herself from the situation, and he completely understood why that was a very good idea. He could always count on Carter for a good idea. Still…He missed that hand. He tried not to let the disappointment show on his face. Given that he was known for his cool exterior, he was pretty sure he could pull it off okay.

"Something wrong?"

_Doh!_ Apparently his attempts to act nonchalant were a bust.

"Yeah, I just…This table is awfully wide don't you think?"

She beamed at him, well aware that he was missing her already.

"I do. It's quite ridiculous." Sam reached for her spoon, ready to tuck into her second helping of blue jello. Finding herself unable to tear her eyes away from Jack's, she accidentally bumped the spoon off the table. When she bent down to retrieve it, the somewhat famous Carter light bulb went off. Once Samantha Carter had an idea she was compelled to run with it…She had to know what the outcome would be. Too bad she couldn't run any simulations to test run this particular idea.

When Sam's head peeked back up from its brief escapade under the table, she beamed at Jack with a hint of something he couldn't quite read. He returned the intoxicating smile all the same. A gorgeous smile was a gorgeous smile, who was he to question what it was she was so happy about?

There was a flurry of movement from the ever-present airmen a few tables away. Within a few moments they had risen to their feet and exited the commissary. Jack wouldn't have thought it possible, but Carter looked even happier than she had before. He was pretty chuffed himself. He had no idea what he wanted to say to her, or even if he should say anything at all, but he deemed having the opportunity to be alone with the woman of his dreams a good thing.

"I never asked you about your day." Sam was still smiling, but much to Jack's disappointment it had faded somewhat.

"Oh, you know. Same old, brink-of-having-our-asses-kicked day." Sam gave him a quick smile and turned her attention down to her dessert. Something seemed to have changed her mood all of a sudden. She looked bothered by something. Not that there wasn't a hell of a lot to be bothered by at the moment. Her father had only been gone a day. Daniel was still missing. She'd _hopefully_ just called off her wedding. Jack was almost certain Sam wouldn't be here with him if she hadn't, but she was yet to confirm, and he wasn't about to push the subject. The subject of Pete Shanahan could never be visited again and he'd be glad of it. He didn't like to think of her with anyone el-…_Oh crap. _

"Carter…" When Jack said nothing more she looked up from her jello. "Would you like to come to my place for a barbecue sometime?"

She smiled. _Could he really know what she had been thinking about?_

"I'm not sure sir, from what I've seen you aren't too good with the grill."

"Pish posh Carter. I'll use extra beer on yours." She giggled at him, but he could see the sadness was still there. "It'll be great…Just the two of us…No _distractions_."

"Distractions?"

"None. I promise you that. I'm one hundred percent certain of it. Nothing will ever distract me from you again."

That's all she needed to hear. She could read in his eyes that whatever he'd shared with Kerry was well and truly over. She'd already suspected it was nothing much to begin with; she just needed that confirmed before she took things any further.

"Hmmm. I'm still not sure sir. I might need some more convincing."

"Oh?" Jack raised his eyebrows at her, in a manner Sam found incredibly sexy. "And what exactly would that entail Carter?" He smiled his utterly gorgeous smile.

That utterly gorgeous smile was the go signal she'd been waiting for. Time to put her light bulb idea into action.

"You tell me sir." She said, slowly sliding her foot across the floor until it found Jack's boot. She could see him flinch slightly at the contact.

"How does a nice couch sound to you?" He offered.

"A couch?" Sam questioned. She decided to leave her foot where it was for the moment, hoping he might consider it an accident, rather than the strategically placed weapon it was.

"Yes. I have the best couch from here to P3X-774. You can have it all to yourself if you want."

"P3X-774? I'm not sure the Nox even have couches sir."

"Well then they can hardly be called a superior race can they?"

"It does sound appealing sir. But I'm not sure I'd like sitting there all by myself."

"I could join you if you'd like?"

Sam pointed her toe out, and ran the side of her foot up the inside of Jack's leg, enjoying the involuntary gasp it incurred from the man she loved. She stopped half way up his calf, not wanting to push him too far. She smiled with satisfaction as she saw his hands clench on the table in front of her.

"That sounds great sir." She thought her voice sounded pretty natural; considering her heart was racing like she was fleeing from enemy fire.

"I may even let you choose the movie." Jack was exerting all the will power he could muster in an effort to remain calm.

She slid her foot up his leg again, but ran it all the way to the top of his knee this time. She quickly concluded that this was the most comfortable footrest she'd ever come across in her life. Granted she rarely put her feet up…But after this little escapade she decided to rethink that policy.

"_May?_" She asked, with a look that said she knew exactly what effect she was having on him.

Currently Jack was having trouble remembering that he needed to breathe.

"You choose." He surrendered, the look of utter defeat in his eyes.

Sam smiled, rather pleased with the results of her little experiment.

"How about The Simpsons?" She suggested, with a slight hint of embarrassment in her voice.

"_You_ want to watch The Simpsons?" Jack had a very hard time believing Carter could get any more amazing.

"I would really like to analyse your 'Burns as Goa'uld' metaphor."

Sam's foot slid a little further down the inside of his thigh. Jack was pretty sure at this point she was trying to kill him. Not that he minded at all. He could only hope it was a really, _really_ slow death.

It wasn't just the physical contact that was driving him mad, but the idea of sitting on the couch with a beer, with Carter in his arms, watching the Simpson's. She really was the most insurmountably perfect woman in the entire galaxy. And the fact that she wanted _him_…Yeah, that pretty much knocked his socks off.

"You've got yourself a date Carter."

"I'll bring the beer."

_She'll bring the beer?_ There really wasn't a word in existence that could adequately describe how damn perfect she was…

Just at that moment, the commissary loudspeaker decided to pipe up with the voice of Sergeant Harriman.

"GENERAL O'NEILL PLEASE RETURN TO LEVEL 28. I REPEAT, GENERAL O'NEILL TO LEVEL 28."

Jack couldn't help but feel the timing was entirely typical. _He really ought to fire that guy._

_.  
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**.**

**I posted a video on YouTube during the week to accompany the prologue. In all honesty it was just an excuse to watch the Grace kiss in slowmo over and over. :) You can find it via my profile.**


	10. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

"If we can dial the Alpha site we may be able to prevent the weapon from connecting a wormhole to either planet. It may only buy us the thirty eight minutes that the gate..."

"Go, go, just go." Jack answered hastily.

So here he was, finally getting his butt in gear…Finally on the verge of having everything he ever wanted…Which pretty much amounted to sitting next to a cooler full of beer with Samantha Carter in his lap. Now Anubis's half-ascended, snakey behind was about to grab a foothold in the galaxy. Not to mention blowing them all to kingdom come in the process.

_Yup, that seemed about right._

He took a deep breath, forging his resolve to give the order as soon as it was called for. If he hesitated, even for a moment…

_He wouldn't hesitate._

He followed Carter down into the control room, striving to detach himself from all emotion. Not an easy task when he held the lives of everyone on base in his hands. Not to mention the one life in particular that gave him a reason to get out of bed every morning. That life certainly wasn't his own.

"Sergeant, dial the Alpha site, now." Sam ordered. Almost as soon as she'd spoken the gate began to spin, followed by the familiar clunking of the shevrons locking.

"Wait a minute, that's not me." Harriman announced.

"What?" She asked.

"I don't know." Answered the Sergeant. "Incoming wormhole!"

General O'Neill looked on as the airman sealed the iris. Jack wasn't one to dwell on sentiment, but for a moment he lingered on the very real possibility that he'd never see that beautiful blue event horizon sparkle into life again. He'd thought it fantastic the first time he laid witness to it, and quite frankly, it just never got old.

"That's not going to stop the energy from the weapon." Sam informed him.

"If it is the weapon." Jack was trying to remain hopeful, but his gut told him he was on the verge of having his hand forced. It did not bode well for them that Jack's gut had a pretty good track record.

"No iris codes." Said Harriman.

"We're too late." Even though they were in an urgent situation Sam took a moment to curse herself. If only she'd thought to dial out a minute earlier…

"Self destruct." Jack commanded. Almost absently, Sam thought. She completely understood his motives, but she was unfortunately aware of just how slim the chances were of the mountain's destruction deactivating the stargate.

"That's not going to destroy the gate, and theoretically there's only a remote chance it would disengage an active incoming…"

"Carter!" _What was she doing?_ The last thing he needed was to hear her voice right now. He'd just given the order to have her and everyone else on the base executed. Her presence alone filled him with doubt and remorse…Had him searching his mind for an excuse not to do what was necessary…A way out that didn't exist. "Carter."

As his fingers hit the keyboard, sealing the fate of everyone in the mountain, he felt an inevitable pang of remorse. He didn't want his last words to Sam to be raised in frustration. The small mercy being he'd only have a few more seconds to regret anything.

The self destruct timer hit 1.26 seconds.

_Or would he?_

The familiar whoosh of the stargate closing filled the room.

"Wormhole disengaged." Harriman announced.

"What's going on?" Asked Sam, referring to the stargate, but also somewhat baffled by the fact she was still breathing.

"I don't know, it must be some kind of…System malfunction." The airman ventured.

"That's impossible." Sam said in disbelief.

"Shut it off." Jack ordered. He'd never felt so relieved to give an order in his life.

"Aborting self destruct." Sam announced. She'd never felt so relieved to _follow_ an order in her life.

Jack let out the deep breath he'd been holding. They were still here. _Maybe someone up there did like him after all?_ He looked over at Sam, grateful with every fibre of his being that she was alright. He wasn't too disappointed by the fact he was still around either. And he couldn't help but wonder if maybe, just _maybe_, that person up there who had his back might just go by the name of Daniel.

Jack smiled to himself.

Yeah, SG-1 were gonna be alright.

THREADS

Jack wondered, and not for the first time, just how Carter managed to look so damn adorable when her nose was such an odd shade of red. Not to mention slightly drippy. Every sniffle tugged at his heartstrings, beckoning him to reach out and pull her into his arms. If it weren't for the security cameras hovering over their heads, he'd do just that.

"Hey." Sam had been so lost in thought that his voice caught her by surprise. "Hiding out?"

It amazed her how a voice so rough could sound so gentle. Sam looked up from her laptop with tears in her eyes, just as she had done hours earlier. She wondered how long he'd been standing there for. Although the past 24 hours had seen the walls between them come cascading down, she still would prefer for him not to see her cry. If only to save him from the sight she must look.

Sam sighed, and with much relief she let her fingers fall away from the keyboard. She had finally gotten through the eulogy. Well writing it anyway. Whether she could get through performing the eulogy at her father's service remained to be seen.

She had read and reread through her final sentiments over and over for the past half an hour. She was beyond exhausted at this point, and she could barely establish whether it was coherent or not. Sam was hopeful, because she had little left to give, either emotionally or physically. She could do with a nice warm bed, with some nice warm arms to hold her. The ones that cradled her to sleep last night would do quite nicely.

"Any word?" She asked, even though she knew the answer was 'no'.

"You know the saying, 'No news is good news'." Jack was pretty sure that was true, but still he was anxious to hear word from the Jaffa about just what in the hell had happened out there. He wouldn't mind knowing where Daniel had gotten to either.

"I suppose that's true." The way Jack concentrated absurdly hard on his fingertips as they tapped her lab table told Sam he had something on his mind. "Something wrong sir?"

He looked up to meet her eyes for the first time. She'd always had a soft spot for those eyes. One look from him, at just the right moment, could tell her everything. They could convey so much, which was lucky, as there was plenty they couldn't say.

"I'm sorry." She could see a hint of regret written on his face.

"For what?"

"Back there." He gestured vaguely behind him.

"What do you mean?"

"Cutting you off. I hope you understand why I had to."

It took her a moment to realise he was talking about what happened in the gate room. This was the first time he had ever apologized for an order he had given her. Another sign their relationship had shifted.

"I do sir." She smiled at him with misty eyes. "Of course I do. Over the years, I haven't always agreed with your decisions, but I've never questioned why you made them."

"So you think you've got me pegged?" He asked, leaning his arms on the lab table and clasping his hands together.

"I _do_. Have since the first day we met." She said it with a confidence that made Jack's insides tingle.

"Oh pray tell?" He challenged at her, a slight scoff evident in his voice.

Jack had wondered for many years now, what exactly it was Carter thought of him. Given their military rankings she could never be straight up with him even if she wanted to, and he certainly couldn't ask. He was quite curious as to whether she'd let those particular walls down.

He began falling in love with her the very first time she put him in his place - about a minute after meeting her. The idea that she may have felt something from the very beginning, just as he had, sent a rush of excitement coursing through his veins.

"You're brilliant."

Jack O'Neill had been called many names in his lifetime, but brilliant wasn't most peoples first choice when it came to listing his attributes. Arrogant was quite popular.

"Off to a good start there Carter, do go on."

"You're arrogant."

Jack smiled.

"Well that's a lot less insightful."

_One hundred percent correct, as usual Carter._

"You're sarcastic. You're funny. Charming when you want to be. Impossible. Self deprecating. Guilt ridden. You refuse to afford yourself forgiveness, even though you've earned it a thousand times over. You're outspoken at times, yet somehow maintain a quiet dignity. You're outstandingly strong. Noble. You never quit trying, even when the situation seems impossible. You're the most incredible man I've ever known, and you're the best friend I've ever had. Not to mention ruggedly handsome."

He needed to kiss her. He was pretty certain something dire would happen if he didn't.

Jack glared at the security camera looming in the corner of the room. The camera was lucky Jack didn't have the authority to fire security cameras. That camera would be standing in the unemployment line very shortly if he did.

"Your turn." Sam sent him a condemning stare.

"What?"

"What do you think of me?"

_Doh! He should have known there'd be a catch_. If they were going to go there, they could be here until dawn. He could write a book about what he felt for Carter.

"Well for starters, that word coming out of your mouth, just has never sounded right."

Sam grinned. She'd never minded it herself. She considered serving under his command to be the highest honour. A privilege really. Unlike many of the superior officers she had encountered in her career, he truly had her respect, that it was part of her duty show it was a moot point in her mind. She'd be happy to go on calling him 'Sir' as long as he allowed it. _Would you like another coffee sir? I know you don't like sci-fi, but we're getting it sir. The medium salsa is still too hot sir. That paint colour doesn't blend with the living room sir. I'm tired sir. Lets go to bed sir. You shouldn't be carrying me sir, your knee… I love you too sir. _

Jack could tell he'd lost her for a moment. Wherever it was she went seemed to be a happy place, so he was content to let her go.

"Sorry sir." Sam apologized, reemerging from her reverie. Jack could see a slight flush rising in her cheeks as she bit her lower lip. God it drove him nuts when she did that.

"You're beautiful Carter." Her cheeks reddened even further, only adding to the adorableness that was Samantha Carter blushing.

Although it was a lot less than what Sam had expressed for him, she couldn't really quarrel with that. Hearing that word used to describe her, from Jack O'Neill…She honestly couldn't ask for more.

Sam yawned, prompting her to check her watch. Just passed midnight. No wonder she was tired.

"Been a long day huh?" Jack smiled at her, sending a very pleasant tingle down her spine.

"Very long. But not all bad." She returned his smile in kind. He was the only good thing about yesterday. Well, him and not dying, but that was nothing special, SG-1 had a habit of not dying when it looked certain they were going to. Having Jack's lips on hers, his arms around her, his breath feeling wonderfully warm against her skin…Now that was something to be thankful for.

"Why don't you head home?" Jack suggested, wishing more than anything he could be the one to take her there. More so having the privilege of carrying her to bed again.

"No sir. We still can't be sure Anubis has been neutralized, and until we are, I should be here."

"Head to the guest quarters then. You'll be no use to anyone if you don't get a few hours in."

"Very well sir."

Jack was dwelling on the memory of crawling into bed with Carter. He wished that was within the realm of possibility here on the base, but he knew better. He decided to make a quick exit before the tantalizing memory of Carters lips became too vivid. He gave her a brief smile and turned to leave the room.

"Sir." The sound of Carter's voice stopped him in his tracks. He turned back around to meet a her eyes. She paused for a moment, not quite sure whether she should say anything. "I wish…"

He could tell she was dwelling too. He liked that. It wasn't helpful, but he liked it all the same.

"I know." He smiled. "Me too."

His response seemed to satisfy her somewhat. Knowing they couldn't have what they wanted just yet sucked. But knowing that she wanted to be with him - that was nice. Very nice.

"Be careful what you wish for sir. I have a habit of stealing the covers." She grinned at him, and Jack knew he had to leave before he put on a very interesting show for the security team. Her smile would be the end of him if he wasn't careful.

"You can have anything want Carter." Jack paused for a moment to put further emphasis on his next word. _"Anything."_

And with that he left her smiling, knowing she knew _exactly_ what he meant.

THREADS

She should be sleeping. She knew that. It was a little hard to do when her body seemed to be humming from head to toe. She could swear her pulse was slightly elevated too, although she had been laying here in the dark, for what she guessed was an over hour now. Her mind had been wandering to the most pleasant of places though, so her perception of time could very well have been skewed.

For many years now, when she went to her bed a night, she refused to let herself think of Jack O'Neill. Every night he would edge his way into her thoughts, and she swiftly pushed him away. Indulging in those kinds of fantasies about her superior officer was completely inappropriate. Although she knew the truth, that her feelings toward him were nothing like that of a second in command, and more that of a woman entirely in love with a man, she refused to acknowledge that by fantasizing about him. She feared it could lead to dangerous places. Even with the almost convincing facade they'd created together, the temptations were still hard to resist. Laying her bedroll just a few inches closer. Touching him for just a few seconds longer after she bandaged his wounds. Smiling at one of his sarcastic remarks just a bit more than was called for. The temptations were there already.

If she actually let her mind go to those other places, she feared she lacked the will to turn them off. She knew deep down how much she wanted him, she didn't need to ask herself or analyze it, to her it was unquestionable, and it had to stay buried until the day Earth was safe from the goa'uld and her feelings could begin to matter.

Now she was faced with the very real possibility that that was the case. Anubis was the last of the goa'uld to pose a true threat to Earth. If he really was "toast" as the General had said back in the control room, then…Then her feelings could matter _now._

Those last words he had spoken to her in her lab were far too enticing to ignore, and she smiled at the knowledge, that that was exactly how he had intended them to be. He wanted her to lay here thinking about him. Try as hard as she might, she couldn't seem to think about anything _but_ him. But hey, he was still her commanding officer after all, if that was what he wanted, who was she to refuse?

"_Hey baby."_

"_I was afraid I wouldn't see you again."_

"_Hey, I told you, I will always be here for you, no matter what."_

"_Where are we sir?"_

"_You tell me Carter, your mind and all. You know I could never begin to figure it out."_

"_This is your cabin isn't it?"_

"_If I had to guess, I'd say yes. The fact I have been sitting here for hours with no pesky fish bothering me is a fine indicator."_

"_Why are we here?"_

"_Maybe this is where you wanted to be? Or maybe you got sick of the Greek tragedy? I know which one I prefer."_

"_I see. And was me wearing shorts this short my idea also?"_

"_An excellent choice on your part Carter."_

_Sam chuckled._

"_Can I join you?"_

"_Can you join me? I've been waiting for you to join me for eight years now Carter."_

"_Sorry sir."_

"_Carter!"_

"…_Jack."_

"_Better."_

_Sam sat down beside him, on the edge of the tiny waterfront. She slid off her shoes and let them fall to the bottom of the pond, leaving her toes gently caressing the surface of the water. Jack's feet were already submerged, flip flops and all._

"_You're gonna be screwed when we go walking later."_

"_I didn't think we'd be going anywhere for a while sir. Besides, you'll fish them out for me won't you?"_

"_Anything you want Carter."_

_Sam smiled. Looking down at her toes as the crystal clear water flowed between them._

"_And what, may I ask, is so amusing?"_

"_Nothing."_

"_Uh huh."_

"_So, if there are no fish here, what exactly do we do?"_

"_We sit."_

"_We sit?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Forgive me sir, but I can think of a lot more fun things to do."_

"_Naquadah generator calling you all the way from Colorado Springs?"_

"_No. I was more thinking along the lines of…"  
_

_"Of…?"_

"_Napping."_

"_Oh! Well…There'll be plenty of time for that later."_

"_You're sure?"_

"_Yes, I can see many naps in our future Carter."_

"_I hope so."_

"_Trust me."_

"_I do, Jack."_

"_You know what?"  
_

_"What?"  
_

_"You're really hot when you say my name."_

_Sam giggled._

"_You're really hot all the time sir."_

"_You know what else?"_

_Jack threw his entire fishing pole out into the water. They both watched it for a moment as it drifted away towards the middle of the pond._

"_Fishing's boring. Come here."_

_Jack waved her towards him with one hand and slid his hand across her back with the other. She practically leapt into his arms, throwing one leg over the top of him and resuming the position they took on board the Prometheus. She wrapped her legs fully around his waist as he pulled her closer._

"_See now, I knew I'd love fishing with you."_

"_I missed you sir."_

_The look in his eyes filled her own with tears. They'd waited so long… Too long for this. _

"_Jack…"_

_She pulled him towards her and their lips met in a hurricane of emotion that made them both dizzy. Her hands ran over his muscular shoulders, up to his face and into his hair. With one arm he held her desperately close against him, so close she could feel his heartbeat against her own. The other trailed up and down her thigh, caressing her soft skin._

"_I love you, Sam."_

_Jack's words sent tears of happiness rolling down her cheeks. The shudder he felt run through her body beckoned him to draw back and meet her eyes. He gazed into the watery blue pools, his concern fading momentarily, as he saw they weren't tears of anguish. He brought his hand up to gentle caress her cheek with his thumb, his eyes never leaving hers. He smiled his soft smile, realizing everything she felt for him. As she smiled back another tear spilt from her eyes, which Jack caught between his lips, kissing it away. She pulled him closer, and his hand slid underneath her tank top to find the warm skin of her lower back. Her breath hitched with the contact, his hands feeling perfectly wonderful touching her, almost as if that's what they were made for. She groaned with pleasure against his lips, as he ran his hand up to the top her spine, pushing her tank top out of his way as he did so. Her fingers found their way down to the top button of his shirt, which she promptly undid. She made short work of the rest, and tugged it out of her way as best she could; his refusal to stop touching her for even a moment meant she couldn't remove it entirely. Sam made the best of things, tracing her hands over the muscles she did have access to. She could feel how much he loved her with every desperate kiss. _

_Suddenly he pulled back…_

"_Oh crap."_

"_What's wrong?"_

"_I swear… Next time I'm not wasting any time fishing."_

"_Not again." _

_Sam really hated this part._

"_How about next time we skip straight to the nap?" He grinned at her. _

_Sam kissed him as strongly, and deeply as she could, she didn't know how long it would take for her to find him again._

"_Sounds great, Jack."_

"_That really is incredibly hot you know?"_

_She grinned._

Sam opened her eyes to the dim green security lighting that bathed the room. It took her a moment to gauge her surroundings, and remember that she was in the guest quarters. It took her another moment to realise someone was in bed with her and was touching her. Sam's military instincts kicked in and she dealt the assailant a swift blow to the groin, jumping out of bed and to her feet.

"Ow! God Carter!"

"Sir!?" She could just make out his features in the dim light. "Is that you?"

"Yes Carter, it is!" He struggled to get the sentence out, his fists curled up in pain. "Stealing the covers is one thing, but if this is what you do every night, I may just have to rethink this whole thing."

"Sir! Wha…What?" Half of her was baffled by his presence; the other half was horrified at what she had just done. "I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay, I'll be alright. Just give me a minute." Her eyes were adjusting to the light, and she could see the fist that he held to his forehead in an effort to control the pain. "As I've said before, I like your attitude." His hand dropped away from his face and he smiled up at her. "I think I preferred it when you bit me though."

.

.

.

.

**Sorry for the long wait. That stupid thing called "real life" got in the way. I much prefer this^ reality.**


	11. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

Sam was mortified. She'd hit him right where she intended to -which just happened to be the most painful place possible. She didn't know whether to rush to his side in sympathy or run screaming out the door with embarrassment. Possibly without the screaming, because calling attention to the fact they were in here together was most likely not the best idea.

"I'm so, so, sorry sir!" She sounded almost like she was pleading for his forgiveness. Jack could have told her it would take a lot more than an exceedingly painful kick in the groin for him to get upset with her. In fact - despite his recent words - he may even be happy to suffer this on a nightly basis if it meant he got to smell her hair. _What was that smell anyway? Vanilla?_

"Carter! Shhh!" Jack exclaimed, trying to remain as quiet as possible as he did so. The security cameras may have been down in these quarters, but he didn't think risking drawing somebody's attention by making a racquet was all that prudent.

Sam moved closer in an effort to speak to him at a less attention-grabbing volume. She took a place beside him on the bed, leaving one leg draped over the side.

"I am so sorry!" She whispered, almost inaudibly, but certainly with a lot of emphasis on the 'sorry'.

"Carter." Jack reached out and pressed his finger against her lips.

Sam was lost.

He really needn't have kept his finger there the way he did, because she was completely devoid of words. Actually she was having trouble organizing any semblance of thought at the moment. A rare moment indeed when her mind slowed down. Even rarer that it should come to a complete stop like this. The sound of his breathing in the darkness, and the way her lips tingled with pleasure was the only thing that registered. Everything else ceased to exist.

Almost involuntarily her hand came up to rest over the top of his. Her lips caressed the tip of his finger in a gentle kiss.

Jack gasped. Pretty impossible not to gasp when Colonel Samantha Carter kissed him -even if it was only his fingertip. If he was in any pain still, it certainly wasn't registering now.

They both stayed in their positions, afraid to move, lest the perfection of this stolen moment be lost. Sam could swear she felt his heartbeat through her lips. Or maybe that was her own pulse thundering in her ears? It took some time, but she finally came to her senses enough to speak, taking his hand in both of hers and laying them in her lap.

"I'm really glad to see you here…But sir."

"Don't call me that Carter. Not here. Not now." He'd had more than enough of that word.

"Jack..." Sam swallowed and bit her lower lip. Even in the poor lighting of the shonky security camera that sight did things to him. "I'm glad you're here but…"

"But?" Jack drew out her sentence for her.

For the first time Jack was considering that perhaps Carter didn't want him here. Perhaps she wasn't ready? She'd seemed so comfortable in his arms last night. But that was then, and the circumstances were quite different. The last thing he wanted was to rush things and scare her away.

"I don't want you to get court martialled, especially not courtesy of me."

_She was worried about him? _

"Worth it." Jack said simply. As far as he was concerned the military could go jump in a lake, because he was done pretending the woman who meant the world to him, didn't mean the world to him.

"Jack!" Samantha Carter saying his name in an exasperated tone…That was incredibly sexy. He hoped to hear that again.

"Sam!" He shot back at her, keeping his voice to a soft whisper.

That he had climbed into bed with her while she was sleeping didn't bother her in the least. Countless times over the years she had found herself curled around him when she woke. She wasn't sure if he had moved closer, or she had found her way into his arms as she slept, either way it was a most welcomed experience. It had caught them off guard the first couple of times, but eventually each occurrence became one of 'their' moments.

On one particular mission last year, she had awoken well over an hour before General O'Neill. She made no effort to move from his embrace, instead savouring every minute of his arms around her until he awoke. To this day she couldn't be sure, but she had strong suspicions that the then Colonel O'Neill had also been pretending to be asleep.

She relished the idea of laying here with him, but what she didn't relish was the idea he could live to regret it. They'd waited so many years to be together, she didn't want anything to come between them, and a court martial, for either of them, could be a definite stick in the spokes.

"Security camera's down Carter. Has been since yesterday. Won't be fixed until tomorrow. But if you do want me to go, just say the word."

"I..I-." Sam really wasn't sure if she was fit to make this call while he was still touching her. She wasn't sure letting him go was even an option at this point, security cameras or not. "Somebody could still come in." She was trying to push some rational thought out there in an effort to convince herself to let go of his hand.

"It's four in the morning Carter, not too many personnel clamouring for the guest quarters. Besides I strictly explained that you were in here resting, and if anyone disturbed you heads would roll. Although it appears that anyone who disturbs you is already in a lot of trouble."

Sam giggled. She really couldn't help but giggle when he was so obviously teasing her.

"I'm really sorry…Jack." Her speaking his name aloud made the decision for both of them.

"C'mere." He reached for her in the dark, pulling her into his arms as he had so wished to do back in the lab.

Sam's heart pounded with exhilaration. She'd piloted some of the most advanced aircraft in existence, yet nothing she'd ever felt compared to this. She was with him. _Him. _Here in his arms, in the place that had kept them apart for eight years. The warmth of his body bathed her, and he pulled the covers up over both of them. She should feel at threat given their location, but she had never felt so safe in all her life.

"Carter." Jack whispered into her hair as she found a comfortable position to lay her head on his chest.

"Yes?" She answered.

"I hope this wasn't crossing the line with you…If you want me to go I-."

"Are you kidding?" She cut him off. "You'll be lucky if I ever manage to _let_ you go."

Jack's heart swelled. That she had let her guard down enough to say something that…_Affectionate._ After playing the 'tough commander, tough subordinate' game for so many years he had wondered if that was how it was always going to be. He had his _issues_, he more than knew that. But Carter was not completely devoid of her own. She could be just as tough, just as stubborn and closed off as he was at times. He knew deep down that she held the same fear in her heart that he did; the fear of trusting, of loving completely, of the kind of intimacy that could completely shatter your existence if it went wrong. But it seemed that she wasn't letting that stand in her way. She wasn't afraid of him.

She trusted him.

"Good to know." He wanted to kiss her just about more than he'd ever wanted anything. That could lead him to even more tempting places however, so he consoled the need by nuzzling his face into her hair and holding her a just a little tighter.

"Carter?"

"Mmm?" She was too busy enjoying the gentle caress of his thumb as it stroked the back of her hand, to bother responding with actual words.

"You okay?"

That sounded like a loaded question to Sam, but she wasn't sure exactly what he was asking.

"No. I'm much, much better than okay."

"Good."

"Why do you ask?"

"When I first came in, I thought you were having another nightmare."

_Uh oh. _Should she tell him about the wonderfully vivid dreams she'd been having of him? She'd first started dreaming about him not long after they'd met. But every so often she would find herself in the kind of dream she'd just awoken from -one that didn't feel like a dream at all. A dream that had so much depth and clarity, that her senses had a hard time distinguishing it from reality.

"No. I was just dreaming."

Jack wondered if she were covering up because it was too painful to discuss. He'd definitely heard her groan as if she were in pain. Although there was no whimpering like he had heard the previous night, and no tears that he could see. Though the darkness definitely hampered his vision somewhat.

"About?"

"You."

Jack hadn't expected that. _She dreamt about him?_

"Me?"

Sam could hear the surprise in his voice.

"Mmhmm."

Jack began to wonder what kind of dreams she could possibly be having about him. He couldn't begin to imagine, but he hoped they were nothing like the nightmares that consumed him for weeks after that experience with the Entity. His chest tightened at the memory.

"In that case, I hope it was a good dream." He said, bringing his hand up into her hair and stroking it gently away from her face.

"Very good sir." Sam cringed in the darkness at her choice of words. She really couldn't help but call him 'Sir'. "…Jack." She corrected.

Sam could see him smile in the darkness.

"Care to share?"

Sam paused for a moment, lost in her own thoughts.

"Your pond…Does it have a little dock to fish from?"

Jack was completely baffled as to where that question had come from or where it was leading. Thankfully for Jack, he was more than used to not being able to follow her thought processes. Carter's mind ran at a mile a minute, while his lagged behind like an old man with a bad hip. As desperately as he tried to keep up, he often lost sight of where she was going entirely. It rarely bothered him, as he stood back in awe of this incredible woman with a mind so extraordinary that it exceeded even her outer beauty. That was certainly saying something as Carter was insanely hot.

Plus when she did her 'smart' thing, he got to play dumb, which usually got a smile out of her. Jack enjoyed this, as she was really hot when she smiled. At other times she seemed annoyed by his playing dumb. Jack enjoyed this, as she was really hot when she was annoyed.

His mind couldn't come up with a reason she might ask such a question, so he decided it was probably easiest just to inquire.

"Actually it does. Why do you ask?"

"Let's just say, I'm really looking forward to our fishing trip."

At this point Samantha Carter was pondering the complexities of materializing one of the best dreams she'd ever had. Now _this_ was a challenge worthy of her attention.

"Oh?"

Sam would have responded to the implied question, but she was too busy thinking. She had several selections of jeans at home, and she was attempting to deduce which would be the best candidate for cutting off into shorts. Short shorts.

When she didn't answer he decided not to push her any further. She'd tell him if and when she was ready.

He took this moment of silence to appreciate the sound of Sam Carter breathing. That was an amazing sound. Miraculous even. She herselfwas a miracle, and for some reason she wanted to be his. Baffling.

"Did you want to get some more sleep?" He asked gently.

Sam considered his words for a moment.

"No, I don't want to miss a second of this."

Jack moved his hand from where it lay on top of her on his chest, to wrap it firmly around her waist, pulling her closer to him.

"Ditto." He finally said, enjoying the feel of her weight on top of him.

"Aren't you tired?" Sam asked, certain he must be, considering how little sleep he had had in the last two days. Much less than her even, and a large part of his sleep deprivation was thanks to her.

Jack could hear the concern in her voice.

"Exhausted. But no sleep for me."

"Why?" She asked. She really didn't want him burning out because of her, he needed rest. As much as she didn't want to let him drift off to sleep and leave her behind, she could be content with watching him sleep while in his arms. Not a bad deal when she thought about it.

"I'll miss you." He answered.

Sam was stunned into silence…He was being _sweet._ General Jack O'Neill - hardass extraordinaire - was being sweet. He knew he was being sweet. In fact she had the feeling he was making a purposeful effort to be sweet...And he was doing it for her.

Well…Two could play at that game.

"Take me with you?" She whispered, nuzzling her face into his neck.

Jack was feeling about the luckiest guy in the entire galaxy about now.

"Always."

Damn, there was no way she could beat that. Still…She could retaliate.

Sam stretched up and brushed her lips against his, softly and gently. This was a kiss that gave and didn't beg for more. A goodnight kiss.

"Go to sleep Jack. I'll wake you in a couple of hours."

Jack O'Neill closed his eyes, and within moments drifted away with the memory of Sam Carter on his lips.

_Jack's ear was itchy. Another damn mosquito bite probably. Once again Jack chided himself, he knew those citrus candles were voodoo, yet he'd allowed himself to be taken in anyway. Then again, wasn't an itchy ear supposed to mean good luck? Or was that the palm of your hand? _

_The elevator door swung open to reveal Sam Carter ready to board the elevator with him. Alone in a confined space with Carter? Jack decided it had to have been ear._

"_Colonel!"_

_The way she said his name in a slightly surprised voice set off warning bells in Jack's head. They saw each other every day, and yet she seemed some what shocked at running into him, almost as if she had been expecting not to see him. Almost as if…She had been trying to avoid him as much as possible, and this freak encounter had caught her off guard. Oh crap, not 'that' elevator ride. _

_Perhaps it was palm after all? _

_Jack looked on helplessly as his fears were confirmed by Daniel- first yawning as if he'd had no sleep in days, bidding Carter farewell and walking off as Carter climbed into the elevator with him._

_Oh. This part. He remembered this part, the one bright spot in an otherwise torturous journey to level 28. Jack leaned in to smell Carter's hair as the pressed the button indicating what floor she was headed to. _

_Apparently he was a lot less restrained this time, because she looked at him questioningly for a moment before turning her attention straight ahead. Thankfully, if she had noticed, she obviously decided not to call him on it._

_Ugh. This was the hideously awkward encounter where Carter confessed she was seeing Klutz Cop. Not that she needed to, as he'd known already. The way she'd started avoiding him, as if she had something to hide, pretty much gave her away. Jack couldn't imagine that the ever-subordinate Major Carter would ever do something that required hiding from her CO. He had to assume then that Sam was trying to hide something from Jack._

_Right on cue, she started humming. What was that she was humming anyway? It was annoying whatever it was. Or perhaps he was more annoyed by the fact her little tune was the direct result of the presence of Pete Shanahan in her life. He listened some more. No, the song was definitely annoying._

"_Humming?"_

"_I am?"_

"_You are."_

"_Sorry."_

_Jack wasn't quite sure what to do here, so he decided to stick to the prewritten script for the moment. He did not enjoy this elevator ride last time - well apart from the hair-smelling part - and he was not liking it any more this time. _

_The revelation that Carter had been seeing someone else caused a vice-like grip on his insides that he had been determined to ignore. But she deserved his support, and he would give it, even if it was the death of him. Jack considered for a moment…Perhaps this time around he didn't have to suffer in silence._

"_So who is he?"_

"_How did yo-."_

"_Humming."_

"_Pete."_

"_Pete?"_

_"Pete Shanahan, he's a cop."_

"_Speeding again, are we?"_

"_He's from Denver. He's a friend of my brother's."_

_Jack couldn't help but snort at the utter ridiculousness that was Samantha Carter resorting to being set up. Granted she had no social life, but Jack couldn't imagine any man not being willing to poke his own eye out to be with her. _

_Carter turned towards him and Jack could tell she was less than impressed with his little noise. She had obviously taken it as a snort of derision._

"_What?" She asked defensively._

"_Nothin'."_

_Carter looked at him with a stifled glare, angry at his usual lack of words. She exhaled loudly as if she was trying to keep herself from saying something. _

_The way she turned away from him told him she had written off this conversation as a lost cause. Probably him too. _

_Damn it! He was supposed to be making things better, not worse! _

"_So…You gonna marry this guy Carter? Because I kinda had my eye on you." He smiled at her, fixing his eyes to hers so she would know he was one hundred percent serious._

_Sam looked at him in absolute shock. Her mouth hung open as if to speak, but apparently finding that talking wasn't within her capabilities right now. She knew she was supposed to say something, although she had no idea what that might be. This elevator ride would only last a few moments and she didn't want to waste them, so she ordered her lips to ramble off something._

"_I…I…Don't know what to say sir."_

"_Well I do…Pete sucks."_

_She didn't answer immediately, just continued staring at him with an expression of disbelief._

"_What?"_

"_I mean, really? Do you want to be known as Samantha Shanahan? Personally I think that sounds ridiculous."_

"_Sir-."_

"_And I wouldn't count on him keeping that hair."_

"_Sir-"_

"_Not to mention, he's a little stubby."_

_Sam was flabbergasted._

"_How could you possibly know that? You've never met him."_

"_So you admit it? You think he's stubby too?"_

_Sam looked like she was considering the question._

"_Maybe a little." She admitted meekly, no less bewildered by Jack's behaviour. "But how could you know that? You've never met him."_

"_Oh, I've met him. Believe me, Mr. Background Check is not good enough for you."_

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_Nothing. Just trust me Carter, I can promise you that he isn't good enough for you, because no man is."_

_Sam was overwhelmingly curious as to what he had meant by all of that, but his final words presented her with an opportunity to broach a subject he now seemed willing to discuss. What had caused this sudden change of attitude, she wasn't sure, but she recognized that this may be her last opportunity to have 'that' discussion._

"_You are."_

_She was laying her heart on the line with just two words. Jack knew that was what she was doing because he could see the fear in her eyes. Not for the first time Jack wondered how a woman as amazing as the one that stood before him could possibly want him like she did._

"_Not even close Carter, but I'm trying to be." He lifted his hand up to caress her cheek with the back of his fingers. "I'll keep trying to be."_

"_I thought you had given up." She said, staring up at him with sadness etched into her bright blue eyes._

"_Never, Carter. If I ever gave you the impression otherwise, it's because I want to see you happy. You deserve to be happy. And if finding a guy who can give you all those things that I can't makes you happy, then you have my full support. But don't for a second think I don't want to give you all those things…It's just-."_

"_The goa'uld." She cut him off._

"_Pretty much." He gave her a weak grin. "I started this war Sam, the first time I stepped through that gate nine years ago. I can't leave others to fight my battles for me. It's hard enough to live with myself as it is, if I deserted so I could live happily ever after with a beautiful woman I clearly don't deserve…I think my self loathing would take on a whole new life." _

"_What if I-?"_

"_No." He knew that she was going to suggest resigning from the military, but he would never allow her to sacrifice a part of herself for the likes of him. She stared up at him, the sadness and regret evident, but with a trace of contentment that stemmed from knowing he treasured her just the way she was, rank and all. "Like I said Carter, I'll support you whatever you choose to do as long as it makes you happy."_

"_Let's kick their asses sir."_

_Jack smiled. _

"_Sounds like a plan."_

_That had been her way of telling him that she hadn't given up on them either._

"_We're going to win this war sir, I know it."_

"_Well Carter, if that's what you think we can safely say the goa'uld are toast, because you're always right about everything." He took her hand and laced his fingers through hers. "And let me just say, as soon as they are, we are going to have one heck of a celebration."_

"_Really?" She looked at him like he had just offered her the world._

"_Oh yes. That is…If you want to?"_

"_Oh I want to sir. I've been 'wanting to' since about the minute I saw you." She grinned._

_Jack was almost too stunned by her boldness to speak. He stared at her disbelievingly, in complete and utter adoration of this astonishing woman and all her marvels. She looked like she was considering kissing him, but a glance towards the security cameras told him she was too worried to._

"_Do you trust me Carter?_

"_Of course."_

_Jack pulled her into his arms and kissed her with all the passion he could summon. _

"_Wow." She said breathlessly. "You've just given me one more reason to hate the goa'uld."_

"_I swear Carter, the day we kick their asses once and for all is the day I show you just how much you mean to me."_

"General O'Neill, sir."

Jack's eyes snapped open to the very unexpected sight of Walter Harriman looking down at him. He shot up out of bed in an instant, realizing as he did that Carter stood on the opposite side of the bed, also looking down at him. A quick glance at her face told him she was no longer tired, and was instead positively beaming. Damn she was beautiful, even first thing in the morning.

"Is there something I can do for you two?" He asked, hoping it would sound to Walter as if Carter's being here was also an inconvenience.

"Looks like you may have been right Sir." Harriman announced, trying to remain professional and not let excitement penetrate his voice. "We just received word from Bra'tac. It seems that Anubis really may be 'toast' Sir."

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**Author's note - Thanks for everyone who has favourited, reviewed and followed, you guys are what is keeping this story going. ;)**


	12. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

"The Kull warriors became disorganized and confused, as though they no longer knew what to do."

Master Bra'tac and Teal'c had finally arrived, and much to Jack's surprise, with good news - he wasn't quite accustomed to receiving good news. Well this wasn't so much good news as 'kick-your-shoes-off-and-call-it-a-day-because-the-Goa'uld-are-finito" kind of news. Good really didn't begin to describe what was happening here.

Jack was trying his best to focus on the big picture, which was that all the people on Earth and on hundreds of worlds across the galaxy were now safe from the Goa'uld's never ending reign of godly showboating. But selfishly he could not help but contemplate what this new development meant for him; or more specifically, for him and Carter. It seemed like the universe was on board with his decision to sweep her off her feet.

_About time. It had been nothing but uncooperative the past 8 years._

"They no longer had a master to serve." Teal'c explained, somehow he maintained his stoic appearance even while relaxing in the leather chairs of the briefing room.

"After that, they were easily defeated." Added Bra'tac.

The general consensus amongst the Jaffa was that Anubis had been stopped by someone. Jack had a pretty good idea he knew who that might be.

_Space Monkey strikes again._

It was hard to believe that bumbling, allergy-ridden geek he had met a decade ago had become an archaeologist slick enough to rival Indiana Jones. But he knew if anyone could pull this off it would be Daniel Jackson and his never ending tirade of doing the 'right thing'. As big of a pain in the ass Jack found that at times, he had nothing but the utmost respect for his friend. Even if he didn't believe that Daniel's ideals were anywhere near realistic, he had faith in Daniel, and over the years that had become almost enough.

"Many Jaffa lost their lives at Dakara. Those that survived are united as never before. And we are in agreement. The weapon must be destroyed."

"Well, that's good." Trying to convince the Jaffa to relinquish the weapon was a sticky situation Jack was glad he no longer had to deal with.

_More good news. A guy could get used to this._

"A new memorial will be erected in its place, so that our triumph over the Goa'uld will never be forgotten."

After the millennia of slavery Jack felt that was somehow warranted. A kick ass party on Chulak was possibly called for as well.

_There should be cake._

"I still don't quite understand what happened." Carter chimed in. "One minute Anubis is about to push the button that ends all life in the galaxy and the next minute he's just… gone."

"Indeed, it is a great mystery." Teal'c agreed with a smile that told the General he was thinking the same thing he was.

"One can only assume he was vanquished by some beings. If not, why would he forfeit the weapon and his army." Bra'tac was the only one amongst them who was not privy to all of Daniel's previous antics, which left him off the thought train that the members of SG-1, both past and present had already boarded.

Jack looked over to Carter. She was pondering.

_Hell, she was cute when she was pondering. _

"You think?" She questioned him, although she didn't need to, Jack had already made his thoughts known since the near miss with the self destruct last night.

"I do."

"It's the only thing that would explain the self destruct not going off."

"Of what do you speak?" Bra'tac queried.

"O'Neill believes that Daniel Jackson was somehow responsible." Teal'c informed him.

"Nope, it wasn't me." Came an unexpected voice out of nowhere. It sounded suspiciously familiar.

"Anybody else hear that?" Jack asked the table, although confirmation was hardly needed. The voice of Daniel Jackson had been an annoying ringing in his ear for 10 years now, and yet he welcomed its sudden return with open arms.

"I'm in here!" The voice called, this time a little louder.

"That's Daniel." Jack stated, demonstrating just how confident he was in Daniel's return. He rose from the briefing room table and followed the voice, which seemed to be originating from his office.

"Don't! Don't come in!" Shouted Daniel as Jack approached the doorway.

Daniel being naked in his office was certainly something Jack would never have suspected to be a possibility. Not at any time since it had become his office, and certainly not now. In terms of naked SG-1 members in his office, there was only one that he would welcome, and that certainly wasn't Daniel. So he was quite surprised to discover Daniel standing there without a stitch of clothing on.

"Woah, hey there."

Jack quickly looked for anything that might cover the very naked archaeologist. The flag the stood graciously in the corner of the room since the SGCs inception quickly became a makeshift skirt. Jack pulled it down from the pole and handed it to him, avoiding looking at him as much as possible. Daniel stepped out of the office, looking quite apprehensive about standing in front of his comrades in nothing but a flag.

"It's uh… a long story." Daniel was brief with his words, which was not a common occurrence for the doctor.

Teal'c and Bra'tac both regarded him with warm smiles.

"Are you alright?" Sam managed to make eye contact with Daniel, despite the awkwardness of him standing there with nothing but a flag covering him. She was relieved he was okay, but there was no way she was going to get up and give him a hug.

"Uhhh, yes. But I recently died."

"Again?!" Sam gaped at him in disbelief.

"Called it." Jack announced with a triumphant grin, momentarily forgetting Daniel's lack of attire and giving him a playful slap on the shoulder. His hand unexpectedly coming into contact with bare skin was a swift reminder, and he inched a little bit further away from Daniel.

"I'm just going to go…" Daniel nodded in the direction of the stairs, indicating he was about to depart to procure some clothing.

"You have my permission." Jack agreed, still avoiding looking directly at Daniel. "In fact, you have my recommendation. Debrief in ten."

Daniel waddled rather inelegantly towards the top of the control room stairs, smiling awkwardly at his friends as he did so. It was going to be a long journey for him to the locker room. Jack couldn't help but wonder how many personnel he was going to have to pass on his way there. He really could have had one of the airmen fetch his uniform for him, but this was much more amusing.

Jack looked over at Carter whose gaze was following Daniel as he disappeared down the steps. She had an expression of contentment Jack had never seen before. It was quite a beautiful thing to behold. She seemed aware that Jack was watching her, as she turned purposefully to meet his eyes. Sam aimed her gorgeous smile at him and Jack felt it to the very core of his being. Somehow that smile told him everything; that SG-1 were okay, and that they'd always make it through, always come back, always be a team, a family, survive anything, that they'd always come home to each other, no matter what happened, or how long it had been, or how far away they went. There never would be any goodbyes for them.

They were as forever as his love for her.

With that smile Jack suddenly knew what his next step would be.

THREADS

Jack stared at the regal-looking red phone that sat upon the large oak desk. Somehow the ten minutes the president had allotted to speak with him had expanded into almost an hour. Who'd have thought explaining that Daniel had been killed by a human form replicator that looked precisely like their brilliant(not to mention sexy) star officer, been ascended once again by their old ascended friend Oma Desala and hung out in a coffee shop from his boyhood with the goa'uld about to annihilate all the inhabitants of earth would have taken so long?

Jack sat back reflecting on everything that had been said, particularly the last few minutes of the conversation. The minutes he took for himself, and himself alone. Well not entirely alone, he took them for her too, he just hoped she would understand when he made his proposal. _Proposal._

Jack was busy reflecting on the word when he heard a knock at the door. He knew instantly it was Carter, even though he couldn't see her through the window and the door blocked his view. She had a certain way of knocking, it wasn't a rhythm so much as a tentativeness. Strange that such a bold woman could feel nervous about knocking on his door. Jack wondered if she knocked like that when this had been Hammond's office.

"Come in." He called.

The door opened just a little and Carter poked her head into the room. Gorgeous head it was too.

"Hi sir, can I come in?"

"I would be offended if you didn't."

Sam smiled as she stepped into the room, closing the door behind her. She took a seat in one of the chairs in front of Jack's desk.

"Have you spoken with the president sir?"

"Just got off the phone with him. Jolly old chat it was too, said something about how awesome SG-1 are, and I was reluctant to disagree."

"The president said we were 'awesome' sir?"

"I may be paraphrasing a little." Jack smiled at her and Sam felt her stomach do a little flip. She couldn't remember a time in her life when she felt this… _Everything. _"Was there something you needed Carter?"

There was a slight pause before she responded.

"Not really sir." Sam looked down at her hands almost shyly. She bit her lower lip as she lifted her back head up to look at him. She really had no reason to see him other than she really wanted to see him.

The slightly guilty expression on her face told Jack everything. She wasn't here for anything other than him. She missed him. _How did she do it? _How did she make him love her more when he was certain he had fallen as far as he could?

Many a day had he escaped from his ever replenishing stack of paperwork into fantasies of her laying stretched out across his desk. He knew he had no call thinking about her like that, which is the only reason she kept her clothes on in his dreams. Hell, she was sexy as sin even in baggy BDUs. It was a shame the world(and the security cameras!), couldn't disappear so he could show her how much he'd been missing her.

"Well I'm glad you're here." He gave her a look which felt almost as good to Sam as his warm embrace. "I wanted to run something by you actually."

When Jack didn't continue Sam prompted him with an "Oh?"

"I was wondering…" Jack paused, seeming reluctant to finish the sentence. "If you wouldn't mind if Daniel and T tagged along on our fishing trip?"

"Oh." Unlike her last 'oh' it wasn't a question but rather a statement with the distinct note of disappointment. "Of course sir, the more the merrier."

Jack felt about ready to kick himself. She was putting on her 'smile and nod' show that he was so accustomed to. In a way he was grateful for her being able to pretend there was nothing between them and everything was fine, it was what got him through the last 8 years without a court marshal. Samantha Carter was a daily temptation and his strength to resist her was fully dependent on her keeping up the pretences. If she had ever weakened over the years, and done so much as bat her eyelashes at him with that look of desire he was always picturing in his head, he would have crumbled like…Well…_Something that crumbles really darn easy! _

He could see Carter's mind ticking away the way it did when she was trying to solve some equation or figure out one of her doohickeys. _He was not a doohickey!_

Sam was wondering what exactly was going on. _Wasn't this trip going to be 'their' trip? As in the trip that they had been waiting to take together for 8 years? Did he not want that anymore? Was he pulling away like she always feared he would when she finally let him in? Was her heart about to be broken? Had she misread him? Was this whole thing a ridiculous mistake? Maybe he didn't feel…_

"Carter!" Jack broke into her thoughts. "Stop thinking! I can practically hear it it's so loud."

"Sorry sir."

"It's not that I want anyone tagging along, let me just make that clear. I was quite looking forward to having you all to myself." It was right about this point when Sam's heart unknotted itself and started to flutter instead. "Teal'c has yet to declare his intentions, but you know the big guy, he'll always be where he feels he's needed most."

"You think he'll be leaving?" The possibility had already occurred to Sam.

"I do. The Jaffa may be feeling all lovey dovey at the moment, what with the goa'uld threat finally reduced to bupkis, but I suspect after all the excitement has died down that will all go to hell soon enough. Teal'c will want to be there to make sure that doesn't happen."

Sam nodded in agreement, and was beginning to recognise his intentions.

"So I was thinking- ."

"You want this to be SG-1s farewell fishing trip?" She smiled, but Jack could see the sadness there. He was almost certain it was not caused by disappointment about them not being alone, but by the recognition that SG-1 were finally going there separate ways.

"I'm hoping it may be the start of a new tradition actually."

"How so?"

"Maybe it's stupid, I don't know. But I was thinking perhaps the four of us could do it every year? Weather and planet local depending."

"I'm not sure Teal'c will be entirely thrilled about that proposal."

"I'll buy him that whatever Wars DVD to watch there. He'll love it."

"You mean Star Wars sir?"

"Yeah, that thing."

Sam giggled.

"You still haven't seen it?"

"Someday Carter, someday."

"Well, I think it's a great idea."

"Good. The last thing I want to do is disappoint you."

"I don't think you'll have to worry about that."

Jack smiled and raised his eyebrows at the playful tone she'd just used. _Oh that. Yeah, he really, really didn't want to disappoint her there!_

"Speaking of not disappointing, how about I deliver on that barbeque tomorrow night?" _There was no way in hell he could wait until next week to feel her in his arms again._

"Sounds great." She was feeling a bit like a high school girl asked out on her first date, but there was no way she was about to jump up and down in excitement and text Cassie about this. _Not until she was well away from General O'Neill's office anyway._

"Great. I'll pick you up at say, seven?"

"I do have a car sir, there really is no need to-."

"I want to." Jack cut her off. Come hell or high water he was going to sweep this woman off her feet. Even if she was insisting she was perfectly capable of walking as he did so.

"Okay." Sam was grinning like an idiot, she was sure of it. "I'll see you then." She rose from her chair ready to leave. "But probably before then. Because you know, we do work together, and we do see each other almost everyday."

"Didn't I order you to go home? I'm pretty sure I ordered you to go home at some point."

"I think it was more of a strong recommendation sir."

"Well now it's an order, go home Carter. We still have a lot to get through this week."

Sam gave him a solemn nod of recognition. He was of course referring to her father's funeral service due to be held the day after tomorrow. For a moment she really stopped to consider Jack's order. She'd been pushing her father's departure to the back of her mind as much as possible, choosing to focus on anything and everything but the nagging emptiness she felt in her gut. _Perhaps she should take some time to prepare herself?_ She didn't want the many Tok'ra and decorated generals attending the service to see her in a weakened state. She would have to grieve before or after the service, certainly not during with everyone watching her.

"Yes sir." She agreed, taking a step towards the door to leave.

"Sam?" Jack stopped her, not quite ready to let her out of his sight. She turned back with a gentle smile on her face. She couldn't help but smile when he called her Sam. "If you need me." He looked at her intently, trying to tell her not even Satin himself would stand in his way of reaching her if she needed him.

It was Sam's instinct to nod and leave the room silently, but the General was clearly making an effort to be there for her, and she wasn't going to leave that unrewarded.

"I'll always need you sir." She said earnestly as she turned and left the room, smiling at him as she closed the door behind her.

Jack stared after her, his heart pitter pattering in his chest. Surely he was too old for his heart to be doing that?

"You better." He said to the closed door. The door didn't hear him, but it would have smiled if it did.

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**Sorry for the long wait guys! What can I say but, I suck! Also this heat wave is killing me. No more 40 degree days pleeeeaaaassseee?!**


	13. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

The metal gate of house number 1025 swung open with a grinding screech. For about the hundredth and twenty sixth time (Sam's estimate) that year Sam told herself that her front gate could really use a good oil. She was continually putting it off, as it was chores like that that kept her sane when General O'Neill forced her out of her lab for some much dreaded down time. General Hammond had always been insistent that she take her leave outside of the SGC, but General O'Neill had gone as far as to blacklist her name so she could not enter the base at all. For an entire week she was stuck fixing loose knobs on her cabinets and reorganising drawers. _Heaven forfend she should actually want to do something productive on her time off! _

She was busy mulling about the unfairness of it all when she stopped dead in her tracks. She stood frozen half way between the front gate and the front door. _A rose._

She could spot it from where she was, laying on the top porch step. A red rose with a small card sitting on top of it. There was only one person who had ever left a rose and a card for her like this. _Pete._

Sam stood there, wary to go any further until she could deduce exactly what may be waiting for her. It was possible that this was just a kind gesture from someone wanting to offer their condolences for the loss of her father. Although there really weren't too many people that knew or had access to her home address. If they were military, which almost all of her father's friends had been, they would surely forward any messages to the base. Her lab was already hoarding bouquets of flowers that Sam couldn't stand the sight of, yet would feel heartless in turning away. She wondered where the custom of bestowing flowers upon grieving loved ones had even come from. So far they had served no purpose other than to remind her of what she had lost.

_Could this be from Pete?_ She remembered the look on his face yesterday; eerily blank, like she'd somehow managed to wipe out every good feeling he'd ever had. Since their first date, he had always had such a positive energy about him. That energy and cheerfulness had managed to seduce her into feeling happiness that didn't run any deeper than the surface. Still it had bedazzled her long enough for her to fool herself into believing she could marry him. As she watched him carrying the puppy in his arms back to his car, all that energy was gone. She'd taken it from him. No. She was certain this would not be from Pete, he would never forgive her for what she had done.

Sam commanded herself to stop being foolish and read the card. She pushed herself the rest of the distance to the porch steps. She reached out, taking the deep red flower first, examining it, demanding that she appreciate its beauty, and telling herself that such a gift from anyone could never bear with it any negativity. It really was a beautiful rose. They were her favourite flower. She liked the white ones best, but she really appreciated all of them. She took in its scent, bathing the tip of her nose amongst the soft red petals. The heaviness in her chest suddenly lifted its weight a little. _Perhaps there was something to giving flowers?_

The apprehensiveness she had about reading the note suddenly diminished. She picked it up, letting her eyes soak up the outside of the card before opening it. It had a plain silver heart embossed into the thick, white textured paper. It did appear to her more like a valentine than a grievance card.

Sam flipped the card open, and her eyes immediately fell on one word. _Carter. _That word combined with the handwriting it was written in had her heart leap in her chest. She closed her eyes, too excited to let herself see anymore for the moment, she wanted this moment to last as long as possible. Jack O'Neill had finally written her a love letter! Well, more a card with what looked like a couple of short sentences, but still! _When did he get it here?! She had only left his office not even two hours ago. _She couldn't remember ever feeling this excited about anyone, not even when she was a kid with her first crush, she was humming with exhilaration from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. Sam forced her eyes open to delight in what she held in her hand.

_Carter,_

_Sorry you had to wait so long for this. It's about eight years overdue._

_P.S. They didn't have white. I'm going back there with C4 later. If anyone asks, I was with you!_

_Jack._

Sam read the message over and over again, her smile growing wider by the minute. _He knew her favourite flower! How did he know?_ She couldn't remember ever mentioning that to anyone. It may not have been poetry, but Sam couldn't help feel this was entirely romantic, and very heartfelt. The note was just so very… _Jack_. Short and to the point. No gushing with how much he loved her, and how beautiful she was, and how happy she made him like the letters and emails Pete had sent her. The brutal honesty of all those words had suffocated her; as loving as it was, it just made her feel uncomfortable. Although that probably had less to do with the words and more to do with the fact she knew her feelings could never match his, and that she wasn't deserving of any loving praise he had to give her.

But this…This was real.

This was Jack.

And of course he could never be honest with his emotions and not throw in a joke to ease his discomfort, even in writing! She was going to have to thank him for this later…

THREADS

Once again Sam was faced with the dread of turning on her answering machine. It wasn't Pete she feared hearing from this time, but rather, her brother Mark. She hadn't spoken with him since yesterday and she wasn't sure if he had yet found out that she had called off her wedding. She had called the wedding consultant this morning, and she'd agreed to send out a mass email to inform the guests of the wedding's cancellation sometime today. She would be calling guests personally tomorrow. Sam was grateful that she only invited family and closest friends, it made things slightly easier. Samantha Carter was anything but a coward, but in honesty she was grateful there was someone else to inform her brother she was no longer marrying Pete. Since they had reconciled many years ago, Mark had refrained from indulging in the commentary and criticism of her life choices that had set such a wedge between them. But she feared her calling off her wedding to a good friend of his might just be too much of a temptation for him, and he may not be able to hold his tongue, especially now her father was gone. No doubt he would feel it was his duty to step in and take his sometimes overprotective and overbearing place. Just like her father though, she knew it was only because he loved her.

It had truly hurt him when she decided to join the air force. He held the military responsible for their mother's death, and Mark had seen her actions as the deepest kind of betrayal. She never could make him see that it was a car accident that had taken their mother away from them, not their father. The day her mother died was the only time she had ever seen her father cry, and as painful as that memory was, it was what separated her point of view from her brother's. When Jacob had walked into their kitchen as she was baking cookies for her mother's homecoming, it forever changed her view of her father. It was the first time in her life she had ever seen him for who he truly was. A man. A man who very much loved his wife. A man who felt grief. A man who had regrets. Guilt. Flaws. Not the steely, sometimes seemingly emotionless Colonel who presented himself to her as an infallible, unwavering soldier. That was when she began treating him as human, as someone worthy of her forgiveness. So she did forgive him. Mark couldn't, and she understood why.

Sam stared at the answering machine and sighed. She had already caused so much damage. She'd hurt Pete in the worst way possible, put the General through god knows what - she still hadn't quite figured out what he'd been feeling all these months – and she didn't want to hurt her relationship with her brother on top of all that. She'd made such a mess of things.

Sam looked down at the flower she still held in her hand. It reminded her that she may have royally screwed up, but she had made the right decision. Even if all she ever got from Jack O'Neill was this rose, and a few words he'd written on a card, it still meant more than the lie of happily ever after with Pete.

Things with her and Jack may never be perfect, or pretty, or easy, but damn it…_She loved him._ And she would take a life of bickering, and stand offs, and feeling like talking to him was like banging her head against a wall, as long as it came with his touch, and his lips and his love. As long as she got to feel his strong arms around her, and his hands on her skin and see that look of his that made her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world – even when she was sweaty and bleeding and covered in dirt. Pete may have loved her, but Jack made her feel loved.

Sam switched on the answering machine and went in search of a vase to do justice to such a beautiful flower. She knew just the one.

Sam reached up into one of the many kitchen cabinets full of bric-a-brac. Not many people would suspect it, but she was quite the collector of clutter and useless junk, she just had the knack for organising it. The item in question she certainly didn't regard in any way as rubbish though. It was a small blue ceramic vase that had belonged to her mother. When she was alive it had stood on her dresser, holding a bouquet of flowers amongst her many perfumes. Strange though, Sam remembered how here mother smelt every time she held her, and it was always the same - something like vanilla. _Maybe all those perfume bottles were full of the same fragrance? _

The answering machine beeped as she filled the vase with water. She turned around and reached across the kitchen island to press the play button on the machine.

_Hi Sam. I've been trying to get through to you all day. I've been calling your cell and all I get is voicemail. I would have hoped you would make it easier for me to contact you at a time like this, not harder. I got an email from some woman that says your wedding has been 'postponed until further notice'? I called Pete, and he gave me the brush off. Whatever it is, I know you two can get through this. He's good for you Sam, and I know he'll do right by you. Please call me when you get this message. I wish you would come stay with us for a few days, the kids miss you. I'm so sorry I wasn't there with you when…Anyway…I'll see you soon. The kids can't wait to see you. Bye._

Well that was a lot less hostile than Sam had expected. She had to smile about 'the kids miss you' and 'kids can't wait to see you' parts. God forbid he should be honest and tell her that 'he' misses her, and 'he' can't wait to see her, that would just be too emotionally healthy. Why was every man she had encountered in her life an emotional train wreck? The only one that wasn't was Daniel, and thank heavens for him.

Not that she was in any place to criticize, as she didn't fair so well when it came to dealing with her emotions either. That may have had something to do with being raised by a soldier, becoming one herself, then falling desperately in love with one. Soldiers weren't supposed to indulge feelings, which had been strongly represented to her from a young age. She could remember the first time she had broken a bone, at the age of seven. One of her toy aircraft had gotten stuck in a tree, and she had climbed up to retrieve it, only to have the branch break beneath her weight. Her wrist was fractured, but she hadn't cried. Her father had been home, and he had scooped her up into his arms, telling her everything would be okay and she would be fine. But she refused to cry. She wanted him to see how strong she could be. She wanted to make him proud.

Sam smiled as she slipped the stem of the rose into the small, delicate vase, her fingertips caressing the vibrant red petals. Such a romantic gift meant more when it was given from the heart of a soldier. Sam placed it on the window ledge, admiring the deep dark blue outlining the silver clouds outside. The light was almost completely drained from the sky, and within minutes would be full of the beautiful twinkling stars that had astounded her from her very earliest memories. Not even the imagination of a child could have conjured up all the incredible things she had seen out there. For a moment Sam stared up at the moon with a sense of amazement she'd almost forgotten. With all the spectacular wonders of the galaxy, she'd lost sight of the beauty she was privileged to witness right here from her kitchen. Sam gave a slight yawn, feeling a contentment and peace that seemed to have escaped her long ago.

The doorbell rung, pulling Sam out of her whimsical haze. Sam exited the kitchen and walked up the front hallway, she couldn't imagine who it would be, she wasn't expecting anyone. She turned on the porch light before opening the front door.

"Pete?" Sam said in shock. She hadn't expected to see him ever again, let alone so soon. He stood there looking back at her for a moment, with what looked almost like a smile, but was too faint to be sure. He held a squirming black Labrador puppy with a red collar in his arms.

"Hi Sam. I just came by to pick up a couple of my things. I'm leaving for Denver tomorrow, and thought it would be easiest if I take them with me instead of you having to pack them up and send them to me. Most of the stuff I can easily replace, I mainly just came for my commendation plaque."

Pete was referring to the honorary plaque he had received for being shot in the line of duty. He'd brought it with him from Denver just to show her, and insisted she hold onto it. Not that she wasn't proud of his achievement, but she hadn't felt right having it hung on her wall. She really wished he had taken it with him, especially now.

"Oh! Of course. Come in." Sam said nervously. She was feeling incredibly anxious, but the fact Pete was capable of speaking to her in an almost friendly tone eased her discomfort slightly.

"Is it okay if I bring him in? I must warn you, he's a chewer." Pete smiled.

"Of course, that's fine."

Pete followed her inside and into the kitchen, puppy in arms.

"Would you like a coffee?" Sam asked in an awkwardly polite gesture.

"No thanks, I'm fine, I'll just grab the plaque and go. Like I said, the other stuff can be replaced, just toss it."

"Pete." Sam said gently, turning to face him. "I would never just throw your things away."

"But you're okay with throwing me away?" He accused.

"Pete."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry Sam." He looked at her with genuine regret etched in his features.

"It's okay. I'd say it was more than called for."

"You don't ever deserve to be hurt Sam. Don't let anyone ever make you feel that way. Not even me."

"How can you…" Sam was bewildered. "How can you say that after what I have done?"

"This is my fault too Sam."

"You didn't do anything."

"Yes I did. I fell in love with you when I knew we would never work out."

"You didn't think things would work out between us?"

"No. Not deep down."

"Why?"

"Because I felt it. That first night we were together, I could see the fear in your eyes, the fear of being close to me. I knew you wanted to run away, and I felt eventually you would. That's why I stormed out of there like a complete jackass the next morning."

Sam was stunned. She had thought Pete oblivious to all her fears and hesitations. She had been afraid. Very. But she'd convinced herself to do everything she could to move on. She stood there in shocked silence watching Pete gently patting the puppy on its head.

"I'm sorry." It's all she could think to say.

"My fault. Never fall for a girl way outta your league. Especially one who's already in love with another man. I should have known better."

"What?" Sam was baffled.

_Was there any way for him to have known how she felt for General O'Neill?_

"Do you know how many times you've called his name in your sleep?"

"What?"

"Seven! And that's just the times I've been awake to hear it. Usually it was very quiet, and I only caught it because I have trouble sleeping. But time and again, I heard you say it… 'Sir'." Sam's mouth hung open in shock. "At first I thought you were having nightmares about being out in the field. But then…"

"Then what?"

"One night a few months ago…You were crying, and I tried to wake you. I said…" Pete hesitated, obviously hurt by the memory. "I said 'I'm here baby' and you said…You said 'Jack'."

All Sam could do was stare at him in disbelief.

"Pete, I'm so sorry. But I never-."

"I know. I know you Sam, you're too good a woman to two time a guy. You're also way too stand up an officer to break regulations like that. I assumed that's the only reason I got a look in. I chose to accept that. I chose to do everything I could to make you happy, since you were willing to give me a shot. But it was my choice Sam, not yours."

"I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything, just fetch me my plaque and I'll get outta your hair." He smiled at her with an affection Sam was sure she'd killed.

Sam smiled back at him, utterly dumbfounded that anyone could be so forgiving of her. She was used to men holding her to standards, which if she failed to meet was met with disapproval and punishment. She guessed there was something to be said for a man out of uniform. Or military uniform anyway, as Pete was a cop.

Sam quickly dashed into the hallway that led to her bedroom and removed the plaque that was mounted on the wall. As she entered back into the kitchen, she slowed her movements, approaching Pete tentatively. She handed him the plaque, avoiding his eyes.

"Don't worry Sam. Your secret's safe with me."

Her eyes flitted up to his, and she saw that he really meant it. She could still trust him. Even if she hadn't earned it.

He smiled at her before turning and showing himself to the front door. Sam trailed after him, she needed him to know how thankful she was for his forgiveness.

As Pete stepped out onto the porch Sam caught up to him.

"Pete!" She stood in front of him, that dorky grin of his finally almost having the same charm it had on their first date. She stared at him, not quite knowing what it was she wanted to say. "Thank you."

Pete nodded his understanding, trying to keep the puppy in check and not drop the plaque at the same time. He gave in and eased the puppy's four little paws onto the ground. He took off eagerly, bounding down the front steps, ready for all the new sights and smells he was now free to explore. They both watched him for a moment, enjoying the distraction from the intense situation. When she turned her attention back to Pete, she noticed he was looking at her intently, like he had something he wanted to say.

"I really hope he makes you happy Sam. You deserve to be happy. I'm sorry I couldn't give you that."

"I'm the one who should be apologizing."

"No, you shouldn't." Pete lifted his palm up to gently cup her cheek. It was right about this time when a green Ford F250 pulled up in front of Sam's house. "Sam…" Pete looked at her with an intensity that told her how desperate he was for her to understand. "Don't let rules stand in your way."

Sam was awestruck. Her father's words resounded once again, and from the most unlikely of places. She stared up at him, already so grateful for everything this man had given her this past year, and now he was trying to give her Jack. He just wanted her to be happy. Truly he did love her.

"Goodbye Sam." Pete said. He moved in slowly, placing a kiss just on the edge of her mouth and then folding her into his arms.

"Goodbye Pete." She whispered, as she slowly pulled out of his embrace and stared up at him with a slight smile.

The sound of an engine revving into gear made her turn to towards the street for the first time in minutes. Sam felt her heart plummet at what she saw. _No! Why now? Of all the times!_

General O'Neill was pulling away from the curb, he must have seen, and she could only imagine what he must be thinking. She wanted to run down the street after him in a completely dramatic and un-Samantha-Carter-like action, but she also didn't want to create a scene in front of Pete. That would be sure to make him doubt whether or not anything had happened between them this past year.

He was leaving, and all she could do was watch.

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**Thanks to all my reviewers on the last chapter - mmkbrook, HeRonFan, RhizONeill, dpdp, KM'I.974, Katetanic, rebecca2, Tel nok shock, LadyMo and guests. **

**Decided to update quick to make up for the long wait last time. **

**Also, still not happy about the heat! But sorry to the reviewers in Alaska! Brrrr.**


	14. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

_He'd lost her. _That was all Jack could think about as he pulled away from Sam's house.

_Christ, he was beyond stupid. As if he would ever be lucky enough to land someone like Carter. _

Life just wasn't that kind to him - it had never sought to spare him any kind of cruelty in the past.

_What made him think now would be any different?_

He could feel the anger rising in his chest and seeping into his veins. Anger at himself mainly - although there was a little aimed at her, and definitely a whole lot aimed at Pete Shanahan.

_He'd won._ He'd taken from him the only thing in this world that was capable of easing the pain. The thing that really set his blood to boiling was not just that Pete had Carter, but that he himself hadn't fought to keep her. She had looked at him that day in her lab with the engagement ring, and practically begged him with those beautiful eyes of hers to say something. All he had to do was give her the slightest sign he was still there and very much in love with her.

_But did he do it? No! He ran! _

Telling himself it was all for her, but really it was just as much because he was a complete coward! He'd practically thrown Carter into this guy's arms by ordering her to get a life, then placed that engagement ring on her finger himself by shutting off like he always did. He was the stupidest man alive, and he really wanted to punch something right about now.

_She hadn't called off her wedding - that was just wishful thinking. Why would she turn away from a man who could give her everything for a man she had to beg for the slightest bit of affection?! Like a rose could ever make up for everything he'd failed to give her the past eight years. Moron!_

Jack pressed his foot down on the accelerator, he was pushing above the speed limit now, and he didn't care one iota, he just wanted out of town as fast as possible. He needed to think, and he really needed to hit something. He'd head for home. Not the one in Colorado Springs, his real one.

Jack's phone rang from inside the jacket sitting on the front seat. He didn't know who it was and he didn't care to find out. Jack O'Neill officially hated the world.

THREADS

"Damn it Sir! Pick up!" The usually cool and collected Samantha Carter was bordering on panicking. The General was finally opening up to her and letting her in, and she feared it would only take the slightest thing to send him running. But this was far from slightest thing! He had most likely seen her and Pete hugging, and the goodbye kiss they shared. It may have looked very different from the distance he was parked, especially with the darkness surrounding them. He may have even thought they were reconciling.

_Leave it to Jack O'Neill to run with the absolute worst scenario he could think of!_

She paced back and forth in the kitchen, hoping that the ringing in her ear would subside and she would hear his voice. Even if it was angry, she'd still prefer it to shrill empty sound drilling a hole into her heart.

It had been almost an hour and this was the fifth time she'd called. Not including the two times she had called the base and left messages and the other two times she had tried his home phone and left messages on his answering machine. At least he hadn't turned off his cell - even the ringing in her ear gave her more hope than being sent straight to voicemail.

Sam was scared, and not much scared Samantha Carter. The past two days she had only just had a taste of the happiness that awaited her. She was afraid of having it ripped away from her just as she stood on the cusp of knowing what it felt like to be loved by Jack O'Neill. There was no way she was going to let him run! _She'd hunt him down if she had to!_

Sam fetched her keys from the kitchen counter, then grabbed Jack's coat off the back of the couch as she headed towards the front door.

THREADS

Jack had been driving for almost an hour when he pulled off the road and into a local truck stop. Castle Rock was a usual stop off for him on his trips to Minnesota and he was no stranger to the area. He parked his truck in one of the two refuelling lanes, waiting for the car in front of him to move on. He glanced over at the jacket that lay on the passenger seat. It seemed that whoever was trying to get a hold of him had given up, as it was no longer ringing. He knew it would almost certainly be Carter. He didn't want to hear it. He couldn't hear it right now. Besides, he already knew what she was going to say. _Sorry. _In that gentle, loving voice of hers that reached deep inside him and clung to his soul.

_Nope, he didn't want to hear it. He'd seen enough_

Jack grabbed the jacket and climbed out of his truck, slamming the door closed a lot harder than he usually would. Outside of his truck was cool and crisp, and he quickly slid on his jacket, grateful for the extra warmth.

The station was unusually deserted considering it was still relatively early in the evening, there was only one other car approaching the station and no other vehicles or people in sight.

Jack grabbed hold of the fuel pump nozzle, wondering how much further he would get until he forced himself to turn back to Colorado Springs. He knew he had to, but he'd deny it as long as possible.

Jack heard the screech of another vehicle pulling into the filling lane behind him. He turned around to see a beaten old white Ute coming to a rather noisy halt. The tray of the Ute was packed to the brim with an assortment of camping gear - many items which would make even Jack jealous. He took the time to recognise how absurd it was to be envious of another mans fishing gear when he never had any intention of catching fish.

The window of the passenger side rolled down, and a little girl with a head full of blonde curls popped her head out. Her bright blue eyes and golden hair instantly reminded him of Carter.

He was hard pressed to find anything that didn't remind him of Carter though. The very first day he'd met her she had gotten under his skin and over the years she had seeped so far into his being that now she was as much a part of him as the cells that made him up.

A middle aged man exited the vehicle through the driver's side, making his way over to the fuel pump.

"Wow! Look at the stars daddy! There's so many!" The girl said excitedly, pushing her head as far out the window as she could while being restrained by her seatbelt. "Why aren't there that many stars at home?"

Jack couldn't help but wonder if he was looking at a future theoretical astrophysicist.

"It's because there are so many lights and so much pollution at home, baby. Not out here though - nice and clean out here." Her father called.

"It's really cold out here though!" Squealed the little girl.

From where Jack was standing it didn't look like her mood was at all dampened by the harsh conditions.

Jack couldn't help but wonder if he was looking at a future theoretical astrophysicist slash soldier.

"Wind your window back up then!" The man chuckled.

"But then I won't be able to see the twinkles daddy!" She explained to her father as if that should have been obvious to even the most dim-witted individual.

Jack glanced at the father and wondered if he too liked the Simpsons.

"Is your coat still zipped up?" He asked.

"No it came open again!" She exclaimed.

"Hang on sweetie, almost done."

The man walked over to the passenger side door and swung it open. He lifted the little girl wrapped up in a thick pink coat down from the passenger side. He bent down on one knee beside her. Jack could see from the way he winced that his knee was protesting the action. His gloved hands fumbled with the zipper for a moment before it finally gave in and slid closed.

"All done." The father announced.

"Thank you daddy." Said the little girl wrapping her arms around the man's neck. "I can do it one day daddy, all by myself."

Jack watched as the man pushed both himself and his daughter to his feet.

"I know you will kiddo, but until then you've got me."

As the man carried the little girl away Jack knew this was the end of the line for his trip to Minnesota. Sam had lost her father, and there was no way in hell he she was going to let her go through this alone. Even if he was forced to watch her marry Pete, he had made his own vow to her.

_Always._

The little girl and her father re-emerged from the pay station moments later as Jack was cursing the pump for taking so long. He almost wanted to go over and thank them - they had stopped him making an even bigger jackass of himself than he already had.

"Why do the stars twinkle daddy?" The girl asked as her father lifted her back into the passenger seat.

"So that people can find their way home baby."

"Then the traveller in the dark, thanks you for your tiny spark. How could he see where to go, if you did not twinkle so?" She sang.

"Exactly baby. Exactly."

Jack looked up at the night sky and wondered how long it would take him to get back to Carter. She may not be his home, but she sure felt like it.

_That was one smart kid._

THREADS

As Sam's car pulled up in front of General O'Neill's house, she found herself filled with both disappointment and relief. All the lights to the house were darkened and his truck wasn't anywhere in the vicinity. _If he wasn't home perhaps that meant he wasn't ignoring her calls? _

She knew better though.

Sam climbed out of the vehicle and wrapped Jack's coat around her. She relished the feel of it hugging her body, almost as if it provided some substitute for the protection and comforts the coat's owner brought to her. It certainly gave her ample coverage, being so oversized the sleeves of the coat reached all the way down to her fingertips.

Still it was cold enough that she felt compelled to sink her hands into the coat pockets.

As her left hand buried inside, she felt something like paper brush against her skin. She dug out the newly discovered item and inspected the contents of her hand. It was hard to see in the poorly lit street, but it looked to Sam like a crumpled up memo. Sam unfolded it, curious to what exactly Jack O'Neill would find important enough to remember to go to the trouble of writing it down. Jack had never really struck her as the shopping list type; more the grab-a-six-pack-of-Guinness-and-a-bag-of-chips type. The street lamp gave her just enough light to read the scrawl written in pen.

WEDDING GIFT.

SGT. STORM.

_Wedding gift? Her wedding gift? Sergeant Storm?_ _As in the Major Matt Mason doll?_

Sam was on the brink of tears as the scribbles meaning began to dawn on her.

_Had Jack intended to give her Sergeant Storm as a wedding present?_

On an off world mission their very first year as a team, Daniel had gone on and on(in typical Daniel fashion!) about some magic kit he'd had as a child. This led to Colonel O'Neill prodding her about the "Major Matt Mason" she'd mentioned in their first encounter in the briefing room.

Sam eventually gave in and told her team members all about her favourite toys, and the one she coveted so much but had never owned. When she'd finally saved enough pocket money to buy it they'd sold out in stores and she'd outgrown them before she ever came across one again.

Colonel O'Neill had insisted there was no such thing as being too old for toys.

Sam brushed away a tear from the corner of her eye. She wasn't usually the sentimental type, but that General O'Neill remembered that all these years… It gave her hope that he really did love her.

Regardless of the fact she suspected he wasn't home, Sam made her way up the front pathway and knocked on the door - she had to be certain.

"Sir?! Sir, are you home?" She called, loud enough that she might wake him if he'd gone to sleep.

As she expected her calls were met with nothing but the sound of insects buzzing in the night air.

Sam found herself in a rare situation where she had no idea what to do. She was good at fixing things, but she couldn't begin to fix this if she couldn't find him.

_Maybe she was overreacting? It had only been an hour. Maybe he wasn't angry at all? Maybe she had turned all overbearing girlfriend before she had even really become his girlfriend? God, girlfriend sounded ridiculous. But that's what she was, wasn't she? _

Sam stood there for several minutes, lost as to what to do next. She couldn't just go home and hope that he might call her; she'd be on tenterhooks the whole time.

She had a spare key, she could let herself in. _But what if he came home and found her inside without his consent?_

He was probably already angry with her - she didn't want to make things worse by invading his home.

After calling him once more and being met with nothing but an all too familiar ringing, Sam decided the only thing for her to do was wait. She pushed her back up against the front door and slid down into a sitting position. She could see why this coat was Jack's favourite, it was by far warmer than anything she owned. Sam pulled the jacket tighter around her body and leaned her head back against the door. At least this time may give her a chance to plan exactly what she as going to say. _Was now the time to tell him how she felt? How she'd been feeling for the longest time? That she loved him, and only him, and always had?_

She'd spent eight years waiting for the time to be right so she could say those words - she didn't want them tainted by anything. She wanted them said in warmth and safety and tenderness. But maybe there never would be that perfect moment for them.

_Was he out there somewhere thinking that she'd turned away from him? That she'd betrayed him?_ Sam's heart ached. _How could she have ever agreed to marry someone else? There was never anyone else in her heart but him._

_.  
_

_Sam opened her eyes to the sparkling reflections on the water. The sight was comfortingly familiar, yet sorrowfully unfamiliar at the same time. _

_This place felt like the home she had been searching for all her life, a home she had never even been allowed to visit until now. She breathed in deeply, trying to soak up her surroundings as much as possible; perhaps in hopes of taking a piece of this place with her when she left. _

_Sam smiled to herself, admiring the silhouette of the trees mirrored on the water. This place was like heaven, but there was only one person who made it so. _

_She spun around to look at the cabin behind her, wondering where he was. She stepped off the tiny fishing dock with the intent to go search for him - she didn't have to go very far._

_Jack suddenly appeared, walking towards her from the deck that embraced the side of the cabin._

_Sam noticed the differences in him instantly. The usually well groomed and shaven General looked as though he hadn't showered in a week. He was sporting long grey whiskers and whitening hair, he most certainly looked older. None of those things bothered her - she liked rugged; she liked the sweat and the dirt and the age lines of a man who had lived a long life doing what men do. _

_But there was something that did bother her - the warmth she felt whenever she was in the presence of Jack O'Neill was disturbingly absent. _

_Her gut told her something wasn't right. _

_She swallowed hard as he came near, her fears heightening at the blank unfeeling stare he met her with._

"_Hi, sir."_

"_Carter." His tone was just as cold as the way he looked at her. He only met her eyes fleetingly before moving away and sitting in one of the large wooden chairs on the grass._

"_Is something wrong sir?"_

"_I'm retired Carter. Lose the 'sir'."_

"_Okay…Jack." Sam took a seat in the neighbouring chair. "It's good to see you."_

"_What are you doing here?" Jack demanded, a definite bite in his tone._

"_That's a good question. I'm not really sure."_

"_Not really in the mood for your mind games Carter, I have things to do."_

"_Is showering first on the list?" Sam smiled in an attempt to assure him she was joking. _

_For a moment his features softened, and something that looked like affection flickered in his eyes._

"_Shouldn't you be off somewhere swingin' it with the Aschen?"_

"_The Aschen?"_

"_You know, the bunch of stiffs who've made themselves a nice home here. Seem like your kind of people. Were last time I checked." _

"_The Aschen have taken control?"_

_Jack frowned at her._

"_More like we gave it to them…What's goin' on with you Carter?"_

"_Like I said, I'm not really sure."_

_He looked at her questioningly for a moment before turning his attention to his hands. _

"_How's your dearly beloved ambassador? Still the smarmy ass he was last time I seen him?"_

"_I married someone else?"_

_For a moment Jack's cold stare wavered. She could see her comment had caught him off guard._

"_An ass and a half if you asked me…" Sam could swear a slight smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "And I'd know."_

"_Is that why you're even more unpleasant than you used to be?" _

"_Don't know what you're on about Carter"_

"_Of course you don't."_

"_Guy's a stiff, just like Aschen. Walkin' around the place like droids. Surprised they don't blink in unison."_

"_They certainly leave a lot to be desired in the wardrobe department. Tie dye might be in order."_

"_Was that a joke?"_

"_Maybe."_

"_Didn't know you did jokes anymore."_

"_I learnt from the best, sir."_

_Jack gave her a slight smile of recognition. Sam could feel a familiar warmth swell inside her._

"_You want a beer?"_

"_Sounds good, thanks."_

_Jack reached down into the cooler beside his chair and passed her a bottle of Guinness._

"_How's the fishing been?"_

"_Oh, just peachy." Jack answered coldly._

"_What happened to us?"_

"_Oh, here we go."_

"_I'm not trying to start a fight with you Jack."_

"_No? Then what? Last time I checked you hated my guts."_

"_I don't hate you. I just want to know what happened."_

"_You were there Carter, same as me. The Aschen may have distracted everybody with some shiny new toys, but I'll tell you now just like I told you and everyone else then, they are going to screw us, and when it happens it ain't gonna be pretty."_

"_You're angry because nobody believes you?"_

"_Damn it Carter! You know why I'm angry! Because you don't believe me! You, Daniel and Teal'c! I threw up the red flag and everybody - including you - shut me down!"_

"_I do."_

"_What?"_

"_Believe you." Sam rose from the weather beaten chair and stood before Jack. "I was wrong. You were right." Sam reached down and placed her weight on Jack's shoulders, lowering herself gently into his lap. Sam could feel the way his body tensed and his breath hitched. His hands tightened around the timber arms of the chair, as if to restrain himself from touching her. "But that's not the real reason why you are angry with me, is it?"_

"_Carter, what's going on? You pretty much told me to go to hell last time we saw each other."_

"_What else did we say?"_

"_A lot of bad things, that couldn't be unsaid."_

"_Uh huh. Let me ask you this - was any of it honest?"_

"_Some of it."_

"_But was there anything in there about how you're angry I didn't wait for you and I'm angry you didn't fight for me?"_

"_Carter, look-."_

"_Was there?" Sam demanded._

"_No."_

"_Didn't think so." Sam caressed Jack's cheek with her palm and stared up at him earnestly. "Anything in there about how I've loved you and wanted you since the day we first met?"_

"_No… I definitely would recall that."_

_Jack reached for Sam's hand and pulled it gently away from his face. _

_Sam looked away sadly, her heart torn at the rejection._

"_There's no ring."_

"_What?"_

"_On your hand."_

_Jack took hold of Sam's hand, massaging the place where a wedding band would sit between his forefinger and thumb._

"_I'm sorry sir."_

"_For what?"_

"_I'm sorry that this happened to you… that we didn't trust in you. I'm sorry we turned our back on you."_

"_I was the one who walked away Carter. Didn't feel like there was anything left to say."_

"_You gave up?"_

"_Eventually. Didn't think there was anything left to fight for… they've taken everything."_

"_What about me?"_

"_What?"_

"_Was I worth fighting for?"_

_Jack's wove his fingers in between Sam's, clasping her hand tightly against his. _

"_Always."_

"_Then why did you let me marry some 'stiff'?"_

"_Oh hell, Carter…"_

"_Why?!"_

"_Because I don't deserve you! I can't give you what you need. I'm old and broken, bitter as hell... He's not."_

"_What is it exactly you think I need you can't give me? Can't you love me sir?"_

"_Carter, I've loved you for 13 god damn years and you know that."_

"_No… I didn't."_

"_How could you not know? You know everything."_

"_Maybe it's because you never said sir?! I may be smart, but I'm not a mind reader!" Jack looked at her, completely stunned by this revelation. "Is that why you're so angry? Because you thought I knew how you felt and married someone else?"_

"_You had to have known."  
_

_"But maybe I needed to hear it?"_

"_And I couldn't say it Carter! That's the whole damn point! What kind of life could I give you if I can't even bring myself to say that?!" _

"_Correct me if I'm wrong sir, but you just told me."_

"_It's not enough."_

"_Who says?"_

"_I'll hurt you Carter, I know it."_

"_No, you won't Jack. I've been dealing with your crap for a long time now - believe me, I know what I'm signing up for and I can handle it."_

"_You shouldn't have to."_

"_But I want to." Sam insisted. Jack shook his head regretfully and looked down at their adjoined hands, still unwilling to accept a gift as precious as Samantha Carter's love. Sam pulled her hand free and brought both of her hands up to his whiskery cheeks. "I want you sir."_

"_But I can't-."_

"_You can." Sam insisted before pressing her lips against his. _

_Jack's hand finally released the chair and reached for her, his fingertips sliding gently across lower back. His left hand swept across her leg and landed on her inner thigh. The heat she felt rise from her body overtook her. She opened her mouth to him, desperate for him to taste her - to feel her love. She pulled away from his lips just enough to speak. "Tell me."_

_Jack opened his eyes to look at her, lost the instant he met those beautiful blue pools._

"_I love you."_

_Sam fell into his lips once more. His hands were clutching at her desperately, aiming to touch every inch of her he could, pulling her into his body._

"_Now was that so hard?" She whispered._

_.  
_

As Jack pulled into his street, he spotted Carter's car parked in front of his house. _Carter was here? _

He wasn't quite sure he was ready to see her, but he knew he wanted to, whatever it was she had to say. At least if she were here she wasn't somewhere doing things with Pete - things that if Jack thought about for more than an instant made him want to put his fist through the windscreen.

As Jack approached his front door he saw her sitting there, slumped to the side with her head resting on the doorframe - wrapped up in his jacket that looked adorably too big for her. She didn't stir, or give any indication she was aware of his arrival. _Was she sleeping? Carter could sleep anywhere._ Jack's heart gave a jump as he considered the possibility she was injured. He hurried his last steps to the front door and knelt down beside her.

"Carter?" He reached his hand out to gently shake her shoulder and then placed his fingers on her pulse point. He could feel a steady rhythm beneath his fingertips - he could breathe again. "Carter!" He shouted a little louder.

Sam gave a jolt, opening her eyes to find him staring at her.

"Sir!"

"Carter, what are you doing out here?" Jack asked placing his hand gently on her shoulder.

"I was waiting for you… must have dozed off."

"Why didn't you go inside?"

"I wasn't sure I was welcome." She said softly.

Jack reached out and stroked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

"I know you're a genius, but sometimes I wonder." Jack grinned at her.

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**Authors note - Ooooh, I loved writing this chapter! I almost teared up at the truck stop scene. :') **

**Thanks to all the reviewers on my last chapter! **

**Katetanic - 40 degrees again today! Melting! :(**

**Yeahsureyoubetcha – You got me started on the next chapter right away!**

**Mmkbrook – Thank you for always commenting.**

**Flyingdocbrett – Hope the wait wasn't too long!**

**K'MI.974 – Par for the course with our favourite couple!**

**Djenie – Thank you! I think my favourite line too. :)**

**RhizOneill – He's back!**

**Dpdp – Yes, I wanted to stay true to how Pete was portrayed on screen.**


	15. Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

Jack knew very well he should be moving, but for the moment he didn't seem to be able to be able to tear his eyes away from Carter's, and since his eyes were permanently lodged in his head that meant he was pretty much out of luck in the moving department.

After making sure that rebellious strand of hair had been put back in its place, he made the mistake of sliding his palm back against her soft, frosty cheek.

It was a mistake because it now appeared to be stuck there, and no matter how hard he tried to organise his thoughts the only thing that he could concentrate on was how badly he wanted to kiss it warm - possibly search for other places in need of his attention too. After a moment Carter's eyes drifted closed and she leaned into his touch, nuzzling his hand slightly.

Jack let his thumb wander back and forth lovingly against her soft skin. He was on the brink of losing it completely and kissing her.

_Don't be stupid O'Neill. She's not yours to kiss anymore, she's Pete's. You blew it like you always do._

"Let's go inside." He finally forced himself to say as he tore his hand away from its new found home.

He didn't want to go inside. Going inside would most likely lead to her talking, and he wasn't sure he was ready to hear what she had to say.

As Jack reached inside his pants pockets for his keys, it occurred to him that that may have been the last time he ever got to touch her. His chest tightened as he turned the key to unlock the door.

The ferocity with which Jack pulled away startled Sam. For a moment she had let herself believe that the worry she had conjured up in the past few hours had all been unwarranted. But the way he suddenly distanced himself, like he had remembered what he had seen told her otherwise.

If he was angry she could only pray that he would open up and let her have it, not shut down and pull away from her. She couldn't lose him now. To return to the way things were, as if what they had shared over the past few days meant nothing, would hurt her in the worst way possible.

Sam climbed onto her feet, immediately shoving her hands back in Jack's coat pockets, hiding them away from the cold. She couldn't imagine how she managed to fall asleep in this weather. A lot of solid practice braving unfavourable conditions off-world perhaps? Or possibly due to the strange amount of warmth she felt with Jack's coat around her.

Jack swung the door open and walked inside, not looking behind him to invite her in, but leaving the door wide enough to let her know to follow. He moved to the thermostat close to the front door without word, fiddling with it for a moment in an effort to avoid her gaze.

"Might get the fire crackin', it'll warm up faster." Jack said, hurrying past her down the steps into the living room.

Sam wasn't sure what to do. She seen his deflect and avoid technique more times than she cared to remember. It was practically a default setting for Jack O'Neill, and that he was currently using it against her stung. She had never felt so close to anyone in her entire life. The feeling that he was slipping away again, leaving her alone with her pain as she'd always been, scared her more than she cared to think about.

She tiptoed nervously down the steps after him to see him scrunching up newspaper into a ball and throwing it into the fireplace.

She loved this room, always had. It reminded her of her own house, comfortable and earthy, it was probably as close to a cabin as one could find in the middle of town, which she assumed is why Jack chose it. Sam wondered if she would ever see his cabin in Minnesota after what had transpired this evening.

She feared after what he had seen, he would withdraw entirely and act as though the past few days had never even happened, or that he had only been comforting her during a time of grief.

Sam felt her heart constrict as she considered the possibility that's exactly what he had been doing.

She explored her memories of the past few days, analysing whether or not such a terrible thought had any merit. _Was there a possibility she had misread him entirely?_

For a moment doubt swelled within her, fear rising right along side it.

But there was one memory that fought its way to the surface, cutting its way through the uncertainty - denying it, refuting it, pushing it below and refusing to let it take hold. A rose.

"Thank you…" Sam muttered nervously. "For the rose… It was beautiful."

For a moment Jack remained silent, throwing a log onto the newly lit fire with a lot more force than Sam would have thought necessary.

"No problem, Carter." Jack could hear the bite in his tone and he cursed himself for it.

She didn't deserve his anger. He couldn't blame her for changing her mind. He was lucky to even get a look-in to begin with. But he really didn't want to do this… He didn't want to hash this whole thing out. He wanted her to forget that rose and never mention it again.

Sam felt her heart sink. His cold tone rung in her ears, reminding her of the angry, broken man she had dreamt of earlier – the one who had been left behind.

He was still crouched by the fire, stoking it fiercely. He hadn't even turned around to see where she was. Sam took a step away from the doorway further into the room toward him.

_What could she say to make him understand what he had seen on her porch was nothing more than goodbye?_

"Look, sir…I-."

At the word 'sir' Jack leapt to his feet suddenly, spinning around to face her.

"Look, Carter, can we not do this?" Jack cut her off.

He was looking at her now, and Sam almost wished he wasn't. This was the way he looked when one of the officers at the SGC had majorly screwed up. Sam had counted herself lucky over the years that she didn't make many mistakes, because General O'Neill's wrath was a force to be reckoned with.

"Do what?" Sam asked gently. She wasn't one to shy away from confrontation… But she feared where this particular argument might lead, and she honestly didn't want any part of it.

She just wanted to say sorry, and for him to understand. But things between them had never been that easy.

"This." The abruptness and finality of which he said it turned Sam's stomach.

"I'm sorry-." Sam started, wanting to apologize for him having seen what he did.

She couldn't imagine how hurt he must be. Sending her that rose was probably the first purely romantic gesture he had made since he had lost Sara… He was putting his heart on the line… And to him it must have seemed like she'd thrown it back in his face.

What if the tables were turned? If she had sent him an expression of her love, only to turn up unexpectedly at his house and find his arms wrapped around Kerry? His lips against hers? She'd be devastated. She'd want to run. And that's exactly what she was afraid Jack was going to do now.

"I know you are Carter, and it's fine. Let's just forget it okay?"

"Forget what exactly?" Sam questioned, not quite sure whether or not she wanted him to answer.

"This." Jack gestured between them. "It was a bad idea to begin with."

"Do you really mean that?" Sam asked, her voice faltering.

The look in Sam's eyes made Jack ache with longing. He didn't mean it. Not one little bit. As hard as he found it to believe, his heart kept insisting he and Carter were the best idea ever. He could tell by the look on her face that her heart was saying that too.

But she'd decided it was too hard, or that he wasn't worth it… And he got that. He would still go on loving her, nothing would ever change that.

"Look, Carter…" Jack closed the gap between them, stopping just short of touching her. He could see the tears well in her eyes just before she looked away from him. "I will always be there for you… No matter what."

Sam's heart was shattered. Why when he said those words were they always part of some grand goodbye speech? She didn't want him to be there for her… she wanted him to be _with _her.

"You want to just go back to the way things were? Pretend this whole thing never even happened?" He could feel her anger rising through the hurt.

_That was the last thing he wanted! He didn't even know if he could!_

All he knew was that her happiness came first, and if that meant being a stand-by in her life he was going to have to do it. He couldn't leave her… not ever… but they had to end this thing between them once and for all. He couldn't go on hoping for their someday when she was married to another man. If they didn't let this go now, it would only hurt her marriage, and possibly be the death of him. He needed to get back to that space of self-delusion where Samantha Carter was nothing more than a colleague and friend, and he needed to get there quick. If he was going to watch her get married in a few days time… He wasn't sure how he was going to survive that.

"We can't keep this up Sam-."

Jack's voice was cut off by a sharp ringing from Sam's pants pocket. She reached her hand in and retrieved her cell. It was Mark. She knew before she even looked at the caller ID. She had forgotten to call him back, and much like her father he wasn't one to let things lie. She had to answer it. If only to escape the pain for a moment.

"Hello?" She answered.

Jack moved away, grateful for the interruption, it might give him a moment to figure out what in the hell he was going to say next.

"Sam? I've been trying to get in contact with you all day. Are you alright?"

The voice was just audible enough for Jack to catch most of the words.

"Yes, I'm sorry… I meant to call you back… I just…"

Jack figured this must be her brother. He counted his blessings that it wasn't Pete. He didn't know if he could stomach hearing an exchange between them right now. Carter may just have found herself in want of a new phone.

"Are you crying?"

"When was the last time you saw me cry?"

She wiped the corners of her eyes as she said it. Jack felt an urge to pull her into his arms, but he knew he couldn't. He turned away from her in an effort to escape the temptation.

"Did Pete do something?"

"No."

Jack wished he had. Unfortunately he was the one who'd royally screwed up. He should never have let Sam's grief cloud her judgement. Clearly once the pain subsided she remembered all the reasons why they shouldn't be together. Number one was probably that he was a complete jackass.

"What's going on Sam?"

The voice on the phone was very quiet, but the tone Jack picked up on was very reminiscent of Jacob's.

"Nothing. Everything's fine."

Jack stood before the fireplace and picked up the picture of the family he once had. The family he had lost. He swiped his fingers across the frame, removing a thin layer of dust from the glass. What made him think he deserved another chance?

"Really? Then why have you called off your wedding? What did he do?"

Jack spun around in an instant. _Had he heard that right?_

"He didn't do anything." Sam insisted.

"Then why did you call off the wedding?"

Jack's jaw hung open in disbelief. _What? When? How?_

"Look, Mark… I really don't want to talk about this right now."

"If he's done something I want to know. No one messes with my baby sister."

"Mark… I'm only a year younger than you."

"What's going on Sam?"

Jack was wondering that himself! _Was there a chance he hadn't lost her?!_

"I told you… Everything's fine!"

"Then why-?"

"Because I don't love him Mark! That's why! I should never have dated him in the first place - it wasn't fair on him."

"What? Why?"

Jack couldn't believe what he was hearing.

_Surely a seasoned military officer - black ops trained none the less - couldn't possibly misread a situation this badly? _

Then Jack remembered… _He was an idiot!_

"It doesn't matter anymore. Things are over between us, and that's it. That's all the explanation I owe you Mark. Please respect my decision and let this go."

"I'm sorry Sam. I didn't mean to-."

"I know Mark. You're just being the overprotective brother you've always been, and I love you for it."

"…I'll see you Friday?"

"Yep."

"The kids can't wait to see you. They miss you."

"Right, 'the kids'…"

Jack placed the photograph back on the mantel; deeply appreciative for everything those two people had brought to his life while he was lucky enough to have them.

"I'll call you tomorrow? We still need to discuss Friday."

"I know. Luckily there isn't much to discuss, Dad already took care of everything."

"A control freak even in death."

"Talk to you tomorrow."

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"I miss you too."

"I know. Love you."

"Bye Sam."

"Bye."

Sam pressed the end call button on her phone and placed it back in her pocket. She hadn't looked at him for the duration of the call and that didn't look like it was about to change.

"I should go." She said softly, turning away and heading for the steps leading towards the front door. The moment her foot hit the first step Jack spoke.

"Carter?" She stood there, frozen in place, feeling too heartbroken to bring herself to turn back and face him. "…You called off your wedding?"

_What on Earth or any other planet was he talking about? He knew very well she had called off her wedding._

"Yes."

"Carter?"

"What?!" She snapped, taking her foot off the step and turning to face him for the first time.

"Is there any chance we could forget the past ten minutes?" Jack asked, slowly walking towards her. He was very worried she was about to walk out that door and be gone forever. _All because he was an unintelligent moron!_

"What are you talking about?" Sam asked. Her tone was cold, but Jack was sure he heard some of her trademark curiosity in there. That was a good sign - when she was curious about something she would usually hang around until she could figure it out. That might mean she wouldn't barge out of here any second, like she had every reason to do.

"Stay there." Jack said, as he rushed past her up the steps and flung the door open. Sam stared after him, wondering what could possibly be going on in his mind.

_Why had he asked about calling off her wedding? He knew that already._ Sam considered for a moment. _She had never actually told him she had called off her wedding, had she?_

As a matter of fact, she couldn't recall discussing Pete with him at all.

_Was it possible he hadn't even known she had broken things off with him? Had all of this been because he thought she was still marrying Pete?_

_Surely a seasoned military officer - black ops trained none the less - couldn't possibly misread a situation this badly? _

Then Sam remembered… _Jack was an idiot! _

Granted not most of the time, but certainly some of it. It was one of the things she loved about him. Especially when he furrowed his brow in that adorably confused manner of his.

Jack appeared back in the front doorway a moment later, holding his hands behind his back. He stood on the top landing, looking down at her below.

"I know this can't make up for the utterly spectacular level of stupidity I have just demonstrated, but I hope you'll like it." Jack presented a white gift box, tied up with a pale blue ribbon from behind his back.

Sam just stared at the box in his hands for a moment, not quite sure what to make of this new development.

"It's the reason I was at your house earlier." Jack explained, taking a step down from the landing towards her. Sam stared for a moment longer, before reaching out and taking the ribbon between her fingers. Jack held the box tightly as she tugged the ribbon loose. She pulled it free, letting it fall to the floor. She looked at Jack uncertainly for a moment, before taking a step up towards him so she could peer over top of the box. Her fingers grappled at the edges of the lid before sliding it off gently, revealing the contents of the box.

"Did you make this, sir?" Sam stared in disbelief. She knew he had, as her eyes were instantly drawn to his initials on the rim.

When he said he made clay pots, she had imagined some haphazardly-thrown-together-looking terracotta atrocity. But this…

"Indeed I did. I figured since the surprise was already ruined I may as well give it to you now… Seems pretty lame to give a flower to someone and not give them a vase as well."

"It's perfect." Sam said mesmerized, as she lifted the white-glazed ceramic vase from the box. The carvings in it were so intricate; they reminded her of some of Daniel's highly prized antiques. She found it hard to believe a military General was capable of such delicate artwork. Then again Jack had very nimble fingers, something she'd admired from afar for many years now.

"Turn it 'round."

Sam tilted the vase around to view the back. Her breath caught in her chest as she saw what he had carved on the other side… _Samantha._

Her name carved in fine italic writing from the top of the vase to the base.

The idea that Jack had sat for hours gently chiselling her name… Well, she'd pretty much forgiven him for the past ten minutes.

At least she would once he confirmed he was a very special kind of idiot.

"Thank you." She said, her blue eyes staring up at him, imploring him to undo all that had been said these past minutes.

"I hope it goes some way to repairing some of the damage I've done this evening."

"A long way…" She said, running her fingers over the smooth defines of her name.

"So there's a chance you'll forgive me for-."

"Already forgiven… I should know by now that you need me to explain things clearly."

Jack smiled, taking another step down towards her. They were almost touching now, as Jack stood before her on the step directly above.

"So you still want...?" Jack asked, gazing down at her, still not quite able to believe his luck. Somehow he was once again stroking that beautiful golden strand of hair behind her ear.

"Yes." Sam said firmly. "Very much."

"Thank you Carter." His troublesome palm fell against her cheek once again, but this time Jack felt no compulsion to order it to move.

"For what?"

"Ohhh, for putting up with me all these years."

"It hasn't been as nearly as bad as you might think." She grinned, sliding her hand gently over the top of his.

"Now that's comforting." Jack said, leaning down to finally place a kiss on that much desired cheek.

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**Sorry for all the angst guys. It's really not my taste, and I think that's just about the last of it. Expect some fluff coming your way shortly.  
**

**Thanks to all my reviewers on the previous chapter - mmkbrook, flyingdocbrett, Yeahsureyoubetcha, Peanut84, dpdp, Tel nok shock, vcm, akima572, Yol, Katetanic, Rhizoneill, Michi-Gibbs, sweet-as-salt, K'MI.974, rebecca2, LadyMo and emmazart. :)**

**Katetanic - I think it worked! I got a nice few cool days there. Thank you! ;)**

**rebecca2 - Thank you, your reviews always make me smile. :)**


	16. Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

Jack's lips against her skin sent a tingle of pleasure through Sam that carried all the way from her cheek right down to her toes. She was pretty sure her toes had never felt so good.

The onslaught of emotion she felt at such a simple and innocent gesture left her near breathless.

Held close by his presence, she felt all worry quiet within her… The hurt of the past few moments all but forgotten… replaced by his deeply consoling warmth.

_How did he do that?_

Ten minutes ago her heart was cursing ever having met this man, yet here she stood again, ready to give him everything she was, if he was ever to do so much as ask.

The gift box Jack still held in his left hand tumbled onto the ground and down the stairs, coincidentally falling in the spot where Sam had tossed the ribbon.

She could only hear it - her eyes instinctively fell closed, harnessing her senses to focus on the sensation of his remarkably gentle lips.

Her fingers traced over the top of his, lightly stroking the hand which lovingly caressed her cheek. Sam had a gift when it came to solving problems, but how a man so solid and commanding could feel so soft and yielding was beyond her.

His lips lingered against her a moment longer, as if he was reluctant to pull away. That was fine by Sam.

_More than fine in fact._

Frankly there were many more desirable locations on her body she'd like those lips to be, but even placed where they were she felt a bit dizzy.

Weak at the knees even - as cliché as that was.

Though she wasn't sure if that was due to his lips, or the fact that he was standing so close to her she was quite certain she could hear his heartbeat. Either way she felt the familiar intoxication of Jack O'Neill begin to embrace her.

She'd never wanted any man as much as she wanted him. That would still have been true even if she hadn't been waiting 8 years.

The heat she had felt in that locker room all those years ago was something she had never been able to forget, as much as she'd tried. She'd attempted to persuade herself that it was due to the way in which the virus had altered her body chemistry. But as hard as she tried to hide from it, there came a time when she could no longer deny the truth, at least to herself. The virus made her lose control of her senses - took away all cognitive reasoning. But that irrepressible attraction she felt was all hers.

It wasn't the virus.

_It was just him. _

Sam's eyes fluttered open to view the inviting sight of Jack's neck just inches away. It was tempting her, and she was in no condition to say no.

She took the opportunity to bury herself into him, the way he had done on those solemnly few occasions where they had allowed themselves the luxury of being close.

Sam inhaled his scent, hoping if she breathed in deeply enough she may just be able to soak his essence into her own. Perhaps if she breathed enough of him, it might finally quell the unbearable ache within her heart. That empty place where he belonged.

Jack closed the gap between them by joining her on the step where she stood, spinning her around towards him as he did. His hand fell away from her face, trailing slowly down her shoulder before landing tentatively on her hip. He was trying desperately to restrain himself - afraid any move too bold might scare her away. He couldn't bear any distance between them again… not tonight… perhaps not ever.

He needed her, and for the first time since he met her he was willing and eager to let her know it. He'd come so close to losing her - yet again due to his remarkable talent at shutting down when confronted with emotions he didn't know how to handle. What he wanted now more than anything was the same thing he'd been wanting for 8 years - to have her be his. He knew Carter would never want to belong to any man.

_But a guy couldn't help but wish… _

His lips still danced along her cheek, happily exploring the immediate area before venturing towards her earlobe.

His warm, unsteady breath pressed against her ear sent a rush of desire through her, and she had to fight not to place a kiss against the salty skin of his neck. After everything they had gone through tonight she longed to feel him close, to know he was here with her and nothing would tear him from her arms ever again.

Sam reached out to rest her hand on his waist, desperate to feel him closer. Involuntarily he let out a soft moan that ran all the way through her and entrenched itself into her soul.

Her heart was screaming that Jack loved her. For years now she had wondered - she had teetered from almost certain to profoundly doubtful. But when she felt him this close it seemed like there was no way possible that he wasn't in love with her. It seemed like such an obvious truth that it mystified her how the question had ever caused her such torment.

Jack placed a soft kiss on her earlobe, inciting her to wrap her arm around him in an effort to pull him closer. Her hand still clutched the delicate vase at his back as she drew him near.

The sudden feel of Sam's body pressed against his pushed him over the edge of temptation, and he replaced the soft brush of his lips against her earlobe with a gentle nibble.

Sam felt the tip of his tongue tenderly caress her ear, suckling it slightly between his lips.

She gasped, her heart rate increasing its pace simultaneously.

The warm expanse of skin beneath her lips became too enticing not to sample. Sam parted her lips, only slightly, and for the first time allowed herself to taste Jack O'Neill.

She placed an eager kiss against his neck, allowing her tongue to lovingly caress his skin as she did. She felt his breath hitch and heard a gentle whimper escape his lips.

Sam smiled as she planted the second kiss - happy to know she could make him feel this way.

There'd been times over the years she'd allowed her mind to wander into forbidden territory and let herself speculate whether or not her CO found her attractive.

She was certain there was _something._ There had been moments when she'd seen him watching her when he thought no one was looking. But he did such a good job of pretending she was nothing more than his second in command - sometimes too good a job - that she couldn't help but wonder if it was all in her head.

All the occasions he'd seen her sweaty, dirty and bleeding surely went a long way to kill any attraction he felt for her - bones protruding at disturbing angles under the skin probably wasn't the best look. She had broken her ankle on one mission, after the ground unexpectedly gave way as they were fleeing from some friendly local inhabitants.

They turned out to be not so friendly.

The Colonel had draped her arm over his shoulders, ducking his head underneath her arm. She couldn't help but wish she had had a chance to shower that day. Unfortunately there wasn't so much as a small stream nearby, and apparently the locals weren't willing to share their facilities.

She'd chided herself for letting such ridiculously inappropriate thoughts sneak in at a time when they were in a dire situation, but it was there none the less.

"Sam?" Jack whispered quietly into her ear.

"Mmmm?" She responded, her mouth unwilling to remove itself from his neck pretty much put the kybosh on any _actual_ response.

Much to her dismay she felt him begin to pull away, sliding his lips across her cheek as he retreated. She could feel him panting against her skin, his breathing just as laboured as her own. It seemed nonsensically extreme considering they hadn't so much as kissed yet… Then again they had waited for this closeness for a nonsensical amount of time.

Jack had intended to pull away; to look into her eyes and see how she was feeling, but once his lips had reached the vicinity of Sam's he could go no further. As much as his brain insisted he keep moving, his body demanded he keep right where he was. He was rendered motionless, unable to do nothing more than pant against her lips, trying to fight his desire to bring them to his own.

_He couldn't screw this up... He couldn't make another mistake... _

_He couldn't lose her._

"Carte-." Jack's inquiry was cut off by Sam's mouth falling into his. Her lips pressed against Jack's, moving tentatively… testing for a response.

He was stunned for a moment, seemingly unable to react at all. It was hard to believe those beautiful lips of hers were begging to be kissed by him. Not ten minutes ago he had thought all hope for his life ending happily was gone, yet here he was kissing the most insanely hot woman he had ever met. The fact that he also happened to love this woman with all his heart and soul… That she held his very existence in her hands…

_Could he be blamed for being caught a little off guard?_

As her lips caressed his for a third time, his senses returned to him, alighting with the desire he had felt for her for so long. He responded gently, but only remained gentle for a moment. After her lips kissed him for a fifth time, his restraint had completely taken leave. He sunk into her mouth, his lips parting, allowing his tongue to explore her wonderful warmth. Her tongue slid softly around his, consoling his desire but spurring it on simultaneously.

_God, he loved how she tasted. _

_He loved her. _

_He loved her. _

_Oh, how he love her…_

Sam was wondering how much longer she could restrain herself. What really surprised her was she seemed to no longer have any desire _to_ restrain herself. _Where was her constant need to be in control at all times? _It was a defining point of her personality, but apparently that part of her brain had completely switched off, and Sam wasn't sorry to see it go. There was no consequence to herself or to her career that she wouldn't face to go on feeling like this… She'd never felt so rightfully at home, yet so wonderfully lost at the same time. It was terrifying. It was euphoria. It was everything she had ever wanted… And she didn't know how much longer she could live without this in her life.

Unable to bear the yearning any longer she slid her hand from his back down to his waist and tugged gently at his shirt. The way he hummed against her lips told her he wasn't about to stop her. She slowly pulled his shirt out from under his belt, her hand falling momentarily on his hip before sliding back up under his shirt, her fingertips timidly exploring the defines of his lower abs. Carefully she traced her fingers up and down stomach, feeling him tense with every motion. His kiss becoming impossibly deeper the longer she continued.

Sam's head was swimming in some magnificent, dreamy haze. Every sensation seemed more intense than anything she had ever felt, yet the world seemed strangely unperceivable at the same time. Like she was more alive than ever, yet lost in some intangible existence where the only thing around her that felt solid was him. He made the world spin around her, yet he was the only thing that seemed capable of steadying her.

Truly, she did feel dizzy, like she may just fall if it weren't for his strong arms holding her up. As his hand mimicked her own actions and slid up under her (actually _his_) jacket she felt an overwhelming need to hold on to something.

Sam clutched at his back, feeling her precious gift slip out from between her fingers as she did. She pulled away from Jack instantly, just in time to see it bounce off the bottom step and onto the living room floor – shattering into approximately a dozen pieces.

The sound of the ceramic hitting the brick struck Sam like a physical blow. She could have sworn part of her heart broke right along with the delicate ceramic. Never had she received a gift that meant so much to her, and watching it be destroyed in front of her eyes was like a real life nightmare playing in slow motion.

Samantha Carter wasn't much one for sentiment, but she'd been feeling entirely sentimental about that vase since it entered her life less than ten minutes ago.

All she could do was stand and stare solemnly, tears prickling the back of her eyes. She felt too ashamed at her clumsy mistake to chance a look at Jack's face. She didn't know much about pottery, but she was certain a lot of time, and a lot of his _own _sentiment had gone into that vase. He'd made it especially for her, and she felt every bit of his heartfelt efforts as she'd taken it into her hands. Now it was gone.

She wasn't sure if she felt worse for Jack or for herself. Ideas of handing it down their children and grandchildren had already flitted unwittingly through her mind. Now she had nothing to give them. Nothing to hold onto as lasting testimony to everything she and Jack shared.

_Stop being ridiculous Sam, you don't even have children! Let alone grandchildren! _

Sam was internally reprimanding herself, and she felt her heart sink even further. The tears prickling her eyes stung fiercely and began to well.

_No! You will not cry in front of him! You've already embarrassed yourself enough tonight._

Suddenly Sam felt Jack's hand slide around her own, squeezing his palm tightly against hers. Sam tore her eyes away from the broken shards of ceramic and turned her gaze to their adjoined hands.

"It's okay Sam, I'll make you another one." Jack said softly.

Sam looked up at Jack, finally comfortable enough to brave facing whatever he was feeling.

Jack was grinning.

"Hell Carter, the way you kiss I'll make you a whole shelf full of the damn things."

Sam burst into laughter and tears at the same time, smiling joyously as the tears she had built up spilled from her eyes and down her rosy cheeks.

Jack brushed away the tears with his finger, smiling at her as she continued to giggle.

"I'll go get a dust pan." Jack gave her a quick peck on the cheek before he rushed off into the kitchen to retrieve the necessity.

Sam looked back down at her broken present, feeling a lot less like her world had shattered with that vase.

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**Arrgh! Sorry I have not updated for a while! This is a short chapter too, but I will try to update quickly to make up for it - emphasis on TRY!**

**I have spent some of my shipping time working on a video instead of writing. Maybe a Jack and Sam vid might appease you guys somewhat? You can find the linky on my profile. The song is Starlight by Muse.  
**

**Thanks to all the reviewers on my last chapter! - mmkbrook, tardisinthesgc (best user name ever!), dpdp, Tel nok shock, vcm, rebecca2(FF won't let me type your full username for some reason!), Yol, Katetanic, K'MI.974, Michi-Gibbs, RhizOneill, Yeahsureyoubetcha, , bluecube76, Heaven In A Wild Flower, LadyMo, Zoser, and guest.**


	17. Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16

Jack rummaged frantically through the laundry room cupboards.

_Where in the hell had he put that damn dust pan?_

He'd already checked the usual spot in the kitchen - as well as several other less usual spots - and was now at a complete loss as to just what in the hell he had done with it.

It wasn't so much he cared for the welfare of said object, more so he wanted to get back to Carter and continue what could only be described as the hottest kiss he'd ever experienced.

Anger at the missing dust pan aside - he was dwelling on the memory of Sam's lips and all the miraculous things they had the power to make him feel.

Years ago when he had taken her by surprise in the control room, she had barely had time to react before time looped again. But in that split second before he found himself back in the commissary eating his Froot Loops, he'd felt her relax in his arms, and not only surrender, but _respond._ That she had returned his advances meant as much to him as the kiss itself.

When Daniel mentioned that he and Teal'c had the opportunity to do anything, without any consequences, kissing her had been the very first notion that popped into his head. He resisted it at first – not willing to risk tasting her and wanting more. Working so closely with her day in and day out was hard enough as it was. But as they neared successfully completing the translation so they could restore time to its natural flow, he couldn't bear the thought regretting having wasted the one chance he may ever have had to show her how he felt. Even if she did forget in an instant, it would still be something he could hold onto when the distance between them felt unbearable. A moment lost in time and space - the only proof of it ever having existed laying within his mind.

It may have been a ridiculous notion, but there were times Jack wondered if she didn't remember it somehow. It was impossible of course - he and Teal'c had been the only ones hit by the time dilation device.

He guessed it was just that rather irksome romantic bone in his body… the one that most people would swear he didn't have. Jack could have told anyone it was there if he'd felt inclined - albeit small and most likely creaky like the rest of his aging bones, it was most certainly present.

It had a tendency to act up right around Valentines Day, which was just one reason why he cursed February 14th and the greeting card companies who made the date so popular.

Jack paused as he crouched down to look under the laundry sink for the ever-allusive dust pan - a query suddenly befalling him

_Had she ever found out those candy hearts in her locker had come from him?_

He sure as hell hoped not.

_Stupid Valentine's Day._

He held it solely responsible for his temporary insanity - no other time of the year would he have been persuaded that leaving candy hearts in Carter's locker was in any way a good idea. One would have thought his lengthy stint in black ops would have left him immune from such marketing ploys, but apparently that was a negatory.

_Stupid Valentine's Day._

Jack turned his thoughts away from his embarrassment of having done such a thing and back to the much more pleasant memories of Carter's lips.

When she had kissed him on her bed two nights before, it had been one of the most intensely wonderful moments of his life.

Knowing that he wasn't going to lose her… that she wasn't leaving him for another man… and to be told that with nothing more than her lips… It was incredible to say the least.

The kiss that had just been broken however, definitely brought back memories he had long endeavoured to extinguish.

Try as he may to keep them at bay, those memories crept into his fantasies every night for months after she had pinned him in the locker room.

Those types of thoughts about her felt a lot less threatening and inappropriate back then – back before he had fallen in love with her fully and completely – when she was just his very attractive second in command and not the thing he would move heaven and Earth for.

_Heaven and Earth, and all the stars he could name… _

Which happened to be quite a few.

_He could be kissing those beautiful lips any moment now… If only he could find that freakin' dust pan! _

It was absurd, but the more time that passed as he searched, the tighter his chest seemed to feel.

For the first time in the longest time he was happy. Astoundingly happy. Happy like he never thought he would be, or even _could _be ever again.

And that scared the hell out of him.

There was a certain level of panic gripping him as he feared it may just slip through his fingers. It almost felt like if he she was out of his sight for too long she may disappear.

He'd walk back into his living room, and see the vase sitting in one piece on his mantel - the place where he'd sat it so he could glance over every now and again to see her name - and she'd be gone. Then he'd wake up and realise the past few days had never happened, and he'd watch Carter get married to another man, and become more and more distant, and have babies that would inevitably have Klutz Cop's eyes instead of her dazzling blue ones.

Maybe they would have those same gorgeous blue pools, which would shine even brighter than hers with their glint of childish mischief.

He was certain he would fall in love with her children in an instant if they resembled her even slightly.

He would go on loving both her and her children, as the emptiness of missing them slowly ate away at his soul until there was nothing left but bitterness and regret…

And with that thought Jack was just about done.

"The hell with it." Jack muttered to himself, not willing to spend another second away from Sam on such a frivolous task.

_Stupid dust pan._

THREADS

The tiny shards of ceramic made a tinkling sound against the bricks as Sam swept them into the dust pan. She might have considered it a pleasant sound if it didn't feel like she was collecting the broken remains of her heart - soon to be discarded indefinitely. She wondered how on Earth she was going to bring herself to empty it into the garbage bin - she couldn't very well expect Jack to do it.

Sam decided to cross that bridge when she came to it, and focused her attention on the task at hand. She scanned her surroundings, looking for any discreetly hidden pieces that Jack may cut himself on if he happened to not to be wearing footwear - that occurrence would pretty much top off her buffoonery. Why she hadn't just put the vase down, or even better, managed not to drop it, escaped her.

Not only had she lost the most meaningful gift she'd ever been given – she'd interrupted the sexiest kiss she'd ever had the privilege of participating in. It was… for lack of a better word… _remarkable_. Earth-shattering, world-rocking, heart-warming and just plain _lovely_ also came to mind. She had spent years wondering what it would feel like to be with Jack, and it seemed her estimation was correct on all fronts… he felt like home.

Like_ belonging._

Sam had never felt the desire to belong to any man, the very notion usually made her stomach recoil in dread. Her stomach had certainly made no exceptions over the years – especially complaining after she had accepted Pete's proposal – and had certainly been squirming in discomfort for the past several months.

Having freed herself form her ties to Pete, her stomach appeared to have unclenched itself, and the seemingly permanent knot she had lived with had now loosened to the point where she felt herself again.

So she then had to wonder why the idea of being permanently tied to Jack O'Neill, either physically or figuratively, had her usually troublesome stomach flitter-fluttering with butterflies.

Colonel Samantha Carter was simply not the butterfly type.

The gorgeous rose General Jack O'Neill had left on her doorstep this afternoon might have a difference of opinion however.

She couldn't remember a time she had last felt anything like that. The only thing that had come close was when she had found candy hearts in her locker on Valentine's Day and somehow managed to convince herself that Colonel O'Neill could stoop to such ridiculously sweet levels.

They had just returned from a three day mission to what the Colonel had dubbed "Planet Nowheresville". Sam couldn't help but feel that was an entirely accurate title. He'd also thrown out "One horse planet without the horse", which also seemed quite fitting.

Even Sam had found herself devastatingly bored as she'd watched Daniel become enamoured with a pile of rocks, which he seemed to think were entirely significant. As Jack had said "They look an awful lot like the many insignificant rocks I've come across in my time." Sam couldn't help but smirk and wholeheartedly agree.

She didn't like to think of it, but the fact she was spending Valentine's Day watching Daniel play with rubble made her feel a tad pathetic, and that had probably contributed to the negative attitude she had towards the unassuming planet.

Once they had returned home, and she was done submitting herself to the usual exam in the infirmary, she headed straight to the locker room - intent on getting home in time to at least enjoy a bubble bath with some candles.

She may not have had anyone special in her life, but that didn't mean she shouldn't at least try to enjoy Valentine's Day.

As she flung open her locker in a huff, the overwhelmingly pink envelope had fallen to the ground with a gentle thud.

She stood there and stared at it for a moment, wondering if this wasn't a mistake of some sort.

Her heart felt absurdly energized as she'd bent down to retrieve it.

She studied it for a moment, letting her fingers trace around the edges of the envelope before she turned it over.

Her eyes immediately fell upon the three simple letters – written in holographic silver stickers – on the centre of the card….

_SAM_

It appeared as if whoever sent the Valentine may not have wanted to run the risk of using their handwriting. She was fairly certain she would recognize Colonel O'Neill's barely intelligible scrawl anywhere… Probably the only handwriting in the world she would recognize other than her own…

Sam immediately reprimanded herself, telling herself it was impossible for it to have been Colonel O'Neill when he had been with her for the past three days, and this certainly hadn't been in her locker the day they had left. Not to mention the fact he was her CO and that would be totally inappropriate by military standards.

Sam would have been more than okay with it however.

The envelope felt heavy in her hand – much heavier than a simple card – and quite bulky. Sam carefully pulled the envelope open, not wanting to damage it in any way if it did happen to be something deeply meaningful and not some pity Valentine from Daniel or Janet as she expected.

That was one thing she could be grateful for on Valentine's Day – she had wonderful friends.

She peered into the envelope - her suspicions about it not being just a card confirmed.

She could see what appeared to be candy hearts in the bottom of the envelope - the ones that usually came with romantic sentiments such as "BE MINE" and "KISS ME" written on them.

Sam slid her fingers into the envelope and slid one out with her fingertips. She flipped the pink candy over in her palm to see whether it had anything written on it.

_Te_

For a moment Sam considered the letter may have come from Teal'c, who unlike Daniel and Janet seemed far less likely to send her a consolation Valentine. Then again… Teal'c did some pretty odd things when it came to participating in Earth's customary celebrations. National Step in a Puddle and Splash your Friend Day had resulted in some very amusing antics… Colonel O'Neill had come out of that day a little worse for wear.

Sam smiled to herself remembering a drenched Colonel as she reached into the envelope to pull out a blue candy.

_Cu_

Sam wondered if it hadn't meant to read "Cute", and it just hadn't been printed correctly. She examined it closely, but could see no trace of a poorly printed "te" on the heart.

As she placed the blue candy on her palm next to the pink one, the pieces of the puzzle fell into place.

_CuTe_

Sam smiled to herself, although still a little confused as to why they had written one message on two hearts.

She poured out a few more hearts from the tiny package into her hand, only to find they were all blue "Cu's" and pink "Te's". Satisfied she'd solved the mystery of the bizarre candies, she placed them back into the envelope.

Sam's insides hadn't felt so alive in a long time - she'd forgotten what it felt like to feel cared for. Not that candy hearts spoke of undying love - but it did say there was someone out there she mattered to.

Her heart skipped a beat as she pulled out the Valentine's Day card. She was jubilant as she pondered the meaning of the message on the front.

_Are you made of copper and tellurium?_

The picture on the front showed two periodic table boxes side by side. Element number 29 next to element number 52 - copper and tellurium. Beside one another the boxes read…

[Cu][Te]

Sam was grinning so hard she wondered how she'd ever stop smiling! This pretty much explained the mysterious candy messages!

Sam flipped the card open - excited to see what was inside.

_Because you're cute!_

There was no writing whatsoever in the card - confirming her earlier suspicions about her secret candy-giver not wanting to use their handwriting. The card itself though, and the message printed inside went a long way to make her smile… A very long way.

Her mind was racing at the possibilities. She couldn't help but wonder who would go to this trouble.

The overall geekiness and blatant cuteness of the Valentine seemed to refute any connection with Colonel O'Neill - he was anything but a geek, and while he was abundantly cute, he certainly liked to pretend he wasn't.

If it was from Daniel, Janet or Teal'c there would be no need for it to remain anonymous or to go to the trouble of sneaking it into her locker.

Sam placed the card back into its envelope, still smiling to herself as she did. Whoever it was from had certainly managed to remove her from her bad mood.

She turned her attention back to her locker for the first time, only to spot a splash of pink very reminiscent of the shade of the envelope that she held in her a hand.

The surprise wasn't over yet! Giddy from head to toe, Sam reached out and retrieved the bright pink package, which looked incredibly out of place amongst her other gear.

The size, shape and weight of the parcel suggested that it contained a disc of some description. It looked and felt just like a CD case.

Sam resisted the temptation to tear it open, and instead decided to head back to her lab to open it, if only to prolong the feeling of anticipation and excitement.

She'd sat down purposefully at her lab table – ready to rid the gift of its confines.

Once again he was careful not to damage even the paper - trying hard not to let it tear. As she pulled the plastic case free from the paper, she realized she had been right about it being CD. The case was clear plastic, and the CD within bore no markings at all. The top was a white printable surface.

She opened the case to gently remove the disc. Sam inspected the opposite side of the disc, and saw from the small ring inscribed on the surface that only a tiny amount of data had been written onto it. Eagerly she inserted it into the drive of her laptop - praying it didn't contain some virus that would have he debugging the system for half a day.

The CD appeared to contain a single file - 3.2MB in size - and her laptop was suggesting it was a music file.

Sam clicked on it – heart racing – wondering what it could possible be.

Within a few short seconds a familiar tune began to play, and a rush of childhood memories came back to her in such a flood that she felt like she might drown in them.

_Heartbeat – why do you skip when my baby kisses me?_

_Heartbeat – why does a love kiss play in my memory?_

She was bombarded by flashes of her mother's smile and off key singing. This had been her mother's favourite song…

_Riddley pat – and sing to me loves story._

_And bring to me loves glory._

Buddy Holly - she could still picture the tattered album cover of the vinyl record. It had been packed away with her mother's belongings after she had passed away, and Sam had never seen it again. Through their many moves across state lines, it had been lost somewhere along the way, and when Sam had discovered the loss, she found herself grieving her mother all over again. This song was a part of her. When she heard it the wonderful memories it evoked made it feel as if her mother was with her again.

_Heartbeat – I know that new love thrills me._

_Heartbeat – I know that true love will be._

She was quite certain this had to be a coincidence. She couldn't recall ever having told anyone about this song – not even the other members of SG-1. The only two people who knew her attachment to this song were her brother and father, and she was sure neither of them had anything to do with it – they didn't have access to her locker for starters.

Whoever sent this to her probably just chosen it because it was such a romantic tune, and very appropriate for Valentine's day.

_Heartbeat - why do you skip when my baby's lips meet mine?  
Heartbeat - why do you flip then give me a skip beat sign?_

As Sam continued to listen, her eyes started to well with tears. Not ones of grief for her mother… But of joy in knowing there was someone out there who seemed to love and care for her without her even knowing it…

THREADS

"Whatchadoin'?" Jack called from the top of the stairs.

It was quite clear she had cleaned up the shattered remains of his gift, but that she didn't seem to hear his approach told him she was lost in thought. Jack felt a gentle alert to his presence was warranted.

"Uhh…" Sam stared up at him from the bottom step, clearly surprised to see him standing there.

"Ya know I was lookin' for that." Jack gestured towards the dust pan sitting on the floor, now filled with broken shards of ceramic.

"Uh, yeah, sorry." Sam stumbled on her words, clearly still coming out of her haze.

"Where was it?" Jack asked, hurrying down the stairs and taking a seat beside Sam.

He couldn't help but notice she was yet to remove his jacket. He liked her in his clothes, but he wouldn't mind feeling her soft, warm skin brushing his arm right about now.

"Over by the fireplace." She answered, smiling at how close he was sitting.

"Of course. D'oh!" He'd used it to scoop up some stray ash around the fireplace the night before, and in typical Jack fashion hadn't bothered returning it to its spot in the kitchen. He was quite certain if thoughts of Sam hadn't had him so befuddled, he'd have remembered where it was straight away. But she seemed to impede his ability to think clearly.

In fact her kiss seemed to make all rational thought damn near impossible.

"You okay?" Jack asked, hoping beyond all hope the answer was 'yes', and she hadn't been contemplating leaving.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking…"

"How odd." Jack quipped, reaching out to place his hand on her knee.

Now it was Sam who was having trouble thinking rational thoughts.

"What about?" He queried.

"Candy hearts."

_What in the hell? _Jack really hoped she was just daydreaming about how much she liked candy, and not thinking about the horrifically lame gesture he'd like to pretend he never took part in.

_Stupid Valentine's Day. _

"Really?" Jack asked, trying desperately to sound nonchalant.

"Mmhmm." Sam shot him a look that seemed to be accusing him of something.

"Never cared for them myself."

"Not even a little?" She asked sneakily.

"More a charred steak kind of a guy." Jack brushed her off. "Seems about as romantic to me."

"I think candy hearts are very romantic."

The word 'romantic' rolling off her tongue was like music to Jack's ears. Not because she hopefully didn't find his ridiculous Valentine's stunt as mortifying as he did… but just the word spoken in her voice… It was really nice to hear.

"What if I cut a steak in the shape of a heart for you?"

"As long as the sentiment is there." She grinned, placing her hand over the top of his.

"You can pretty much count on that Carter." Jack replied, shifting his hand out from underneath hers and lacing their hands together.

Sam stared down at their intertwined hands, smiling at the pleasure she got from a simple conversation with this man.

"Have you given me candy hearts before by any chance?"

_Damn it! Why was she asking about this out of the blue?_ He didn't know how to respond! He'd rather have his teeth pulled than ever admit to being the perpetrator of such pitifully lame actions. _It was embarrassing!_ It had been embarrassing when he had walked into the gift shop off the street when he'd seen that card. It was embarrassing when he ordered the personalized candy hearts they had on offer. It was embarrassing when he asked Janet to stall Sam just a little in the infirmary so he could get to her locker. But he'd done it.

He'd done it for one reason and one reason only - for the chance that she might smile on Valentine's Day and that it might be because of him.

He knew that his silence spoke volumes. Carter was anything but stupid. Actually she was just about as far away from stupid as a person could possibly get.

She could read him like a book too - much to his consternation.

He was pretty sure the five seconds that passed before he replied pretty much gave him away.

"If I did, I can only apologize. Clearly I must have received a recent blow to the head."

It occurred to Jack that he had in fact received a head injury on that last mission before Valentine's Day - he decided he would blame this from now on.

"Thank you sir…uh…_Jack_." She said, squeezing his hand gently.

It was certainly a restrained response. What she really wanted to do was cover him in ten times the amount of kisses as there had been candy hearts in that envelope.

"No problem Carter."

They sat in silence for a moment – Sam wondering whether or not she should open up to him about what that song meant to her.

Jack lovingly stroked his thumb back and forth over hers.

"Heartbeat was my Mother's favourite song." She confessed.

"I know." Jack answered gently - knowing any mention of her mother came from an intimate place and he should respond thoughtfully.

"You know?" She asked surprised.

"Jacob and I got into this big thing about the fifties one time - talkin' about some old favourites of his. He mentioned that it was his wife's favourite, and how much his daughter had loved it too… I kinda hoped that you still did…"

Sam didn't say anything for a moment, too overcome with emotion to speak.

"I do."

Sam demanded herself not to cry all over him - or jump him right here on the stairs.

"And well…" Jack started.

Sam had to bite her tongue to stop herself from prompting him to continue. She knew with Jack O'Neill the harder you pushed him to share the more likely he was to shut down. Perhaps it was a result of the horrific amount of times he'd been tortured for information? It had become second nature for him to protect all intel he had, and that seemed to spill over into his personal life too.

"That song always reminded me of you… Actually it was me who brought it up to Jacob when we were talking."

"It reminds you of me?"

"Yeah…" Jack hadn't made eye contact with her since he'd made his confession, which was probably for the best - if she looked into his eyes right now, she was pretty sure she could no longer restrain herself from tearing off his clothes. "Especially the 'riddley pat' part."

Sam gripped onto the stairs as if for dear life – she was either going to topple over or throw herself onto him, and neither one of those options seemed like a particularly bright idea.

Although the latter was becoming more appealing by the second.

"Really?"

Jack tore his gaze away from the place where he had affixed them to the ground, and forced himself to look into Sam's eyes – which he couldn't recall ever having seen shine so bright.

"Yeah…" Jack answered, squeezing her hand tighter. "That's what my heart did the first time I saw you."

.

.

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.

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**This chapter has a companion video. Anyone wanna guess what song it is? *wink, wink***

**Yes, it is Heartbeat! But the Nick Berry 1992 cover of Buddy Holly's 1958 version. I love them both!**

**Link is on my profile. **

**Stupid me has figured out I can use working hyperlinks on my profile, so now you can just click it instead of pasting it into your browser. I'm sure you can all tell I have Sam's gift for technology…**

**Shout out in this chapter to wackyjacqs fic, "Step in a Puddle and Splash your Friend Day". ;)**

**Oy! I ran myself ragged getting this done in time for Valentine's day. :'( So if it isn't coherent it's because I was writing at 3AM instead of sleeping.**

**As usual, thank you to everyone who reviews. Happy Valentine's day! **


	18. Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

_Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! What in the hell had he said that for?!_

Sam was staring at him in what appeared to be something akin to disbelief.

_He was totally with her there. _

Jack was having a hard time believing he could say something so ridiculous. Granted he'd said some pretty idiotic things in his time, but this had to rank pretty high on the list.

_Why didn't he just write her sonnet for cryin' out loud!?_ _Then she'd really have a reason to run._ _Heck, right now he'd run away from him if he could._

The way her blue eyes sparkled at him was mesmerising, and it was the only thing that relieved his discomfort at having been so honest with her.

He had no wish to hide from Carter, but his instincts set off deafening alarm bells whenever he considered sharing the innermost parts of himself. That was where the crux of his weakness laid… the most vulnerable part of himself that needed to be guarded at all costs.

He'd tried to extradite Sam from that place long ago, but with every move she'd clung tighter to his soul.

Truth be known, he wasn't in the least bit sorry about that - she was what made him feel alive again. She reawakened parts of him that he was certain had died with his son.

He knew he didn't deserve it - deserve _her - _and he'd tried everything to keep her at arms length. He tried to stay level headed when it came to her, he really had. He tried to feel the way a military leader should feel towards his 2IC and not the way a husband should feel towards his wife. He'd tried and he'd failed on every count. Over the years he'd come to realise that it was a losing battle - she could do something as simple as brush her hand against his as the trudged through the mud of some alien terrain and his insides would burn with longing.

He couldn't bear the intimacy of the moment any longer and returned his attention back to the spot on the ground.

He really hoped she wouldn't say anything.

"You… you felt something for me that long ago, sir?" Sam shook her head. "Uh…Jack?"

_Damn it. _Jack shifted his position on the step, inching just a little away from Sam – unintentionally demonstrating his discomfort. He really wasn't much good at this talking stuff… never had been. But he was the one who had put himself out there, he couldn't bail out now like a coward. She deserved better than that.

"Yeah." He knew he should elaborate, but wasn't sure how exactly. He certainly didn't want to dig himself an even deeper hole. Although a nice hole to bury himself in might be just what was called for after his candy-heart confession. "I knew from the first moment I saw you."

"I…I don't know what to say." Sam stumbled, overwhelmed by the thought of being loved all these years.

_Not that he had said the word love._

`Then again neither had she, and she'd loved him for so long that she couldn't remember a time when she didn't.

"Not really that surprising is it?"

"I guess I just didn't realise." She muttered, still trying to absorb his words.

"You pretty much told me to go to hell." He looked at her fondly. "I like that in a woman." Sam smiled and looked away with a slight flush rising in her cheeks. "And you were right, I was being an ass."

Sam giggled.

_Oh how he loved those dimples. _

It was one of the reasons he liked to make her laugh so much.

"I happen to like that in a man." She turned back towards him, biting her lower lip in a way that drove him crazy.

"Ah, well that explains a lot Carter."

"Explains what?" Sam asked, although she knew exactly where he was going with this conversation.

"Why you're sitting here with jackass extraordinaire."

"I'm pretty sure it was me being the ass." Jack raised his eyebrows, clearly in doubt about that suggestion. "On that occasion anyway." She added.

"I thought your grandstanding was understandable… not to mention adorable." Jack waited with baited breath for her response to that confession. It hadn't sounded quite so condescending when he'd said it in his head - he was only trying to slip a compliment subtly into the conversation.

Once again Jack O'Neill was reminded that subtlety was not his forte.

That little comment could very well lead down the road to disaster… "I mean, I have seen a lot of things over the years, and I understood why you felt the need to do that… I mean it's not easy being a woman in the air force – not that I would know, I know - and I respected you for standing your ground…"

Sam smiled at his ramblings and attempts at damage control, knowing fully well what was going on in his mind. She hadn't been offended in the slightest - if anything she was glad that he didn't find her ridiculous speech as embarrassing as she did. Even after all these years she could remember it word for word, and she couldn't believe she could say those things to this man whom she'd come to admire and respect so completely.

If anyone in that briefing room was making judgements it was her - she'd assumed the reason Colonel O'Neill hadn't wanted her on the mission to Abydos was because she was a woman. Knowing him as deeply as she did now she knew she couldn't have been more off the mark. She also doubted it had anything to do with her being a scientist as he had said; she saw how much respect Jack had for Daniel from the very beginning - even if he did attempt to cover it up with his continual dismissal of his suggestions. No, his attitude towards her wasn't because she was a woman or because she was a scientist.

Sam had learned over the years that Jack O'Neill didn't give his respect or approval to anyone who hadn't earned it – if you wanted it you had to prove yourself worthy, regardless of your gender or rank.

He wouldn't have treated her any differently in that meeting had she been a man, and she felt foolish every time she remembered their first encounter. The only consolation was the memory of the way her breath caught in her chest as she'd walked towards him for the very first time.

"Sir." Sam interrupted, pulling her hand away from Jack's. She saw the look of worry pass over his face for a moment before she brought her hand up to rest on his shoulder. "That speech was ridiculous beyond reprieve."

"I thought you made the right call."

"You're not a chauvinist Jack."

Jack smiled at her use of his first name.

_A guy could get used to that._

"No, I'm not. But I very well could have been - the military is packed with them. The level of disrespect I've seen airmen deal female officers in nothing short of disgusting." He turned to look at Sam. "The idea of you having to put up with that crap makes me wanna put my fist through a wall." He looked at her earnestly, like he honestly felt she had been mistreated.

"I-." Sam began.

"I know you can handle it Carter." Jack waved his hand at her. "You just shouldn't have to is all I meant."

"What I was going to say was - I didn't know you thought about me like that."

"Like what?"

"That you thought about my welfare to that extent. I mean, I know you feel responsible for keeping SG-1 safe, but I didn't know your concern ran that deep."

"Well, if we're being honest, I really don't care if Danny or Teal'c get hit on."

"Just me then?" She smiled impishly.

"I'm gonna tell you something Carter, and I don't want it going to your head… can I have your word that won't happen?" Jack joked with her in that way that made Sam want to crawl onto his lap.

"I promise sir." Sam answered in mock seriousness.

"You're the best officer I have ever had the privilege of serving with." All joking quickly faded as the gravity of his words hit her. "And the idea that someone would refuse to recognise your brilliance because you are a woman…" Jack swallowed hard, as if he was trying to restrain himself from showing how truly angry he felt. "It makes me a little ticked off."

Sam fought back the tears that prickled her eyes. He'd just paid her the highest compliment he possibly could as her commanding officer. It meant the world to her that he regarded her so highly.

"Thank you, sir." Despite her efforts to keep them in check, a tear escaped from the corner of her eye and trickled down her cheek. "I can't tell you how much it means to me that I have your respect."

"Have you ever doubted that Carter?" Jack asked, sounding alarmed at the thought.

"No. I just mean… As an officer, there is no one I admire more than you… so it means…"

Jack wiped away the second tear as it began to fall. He'd seen her cry more these past few days than he had since he'd first met her.

It was a side of her he loved.

He hated to see her in pain, but feeling her let all those walls down - the ones she'd carefully built around herself to keep him out - and finally trust him enough to let him in… He wondered if he'd ever tire of it.

"I really think you're on the wrong track there Carter, but hey I can't say I'm not pleased to hear that." He said as he brushed her hair away from her face and tucked it behind her ear.

"Knowing I have your respect means the world to me."

"You kiddin'? Anyone who treats you with anything but the utmost respect can expect my fist in their jaw." Jack turned his attention to the dustpan that held the broken fragments of his hours of hard work. "Did once."

"Did what?" Sam asked, still sniffling a little.

"Nevermind." Jack brushed her off.

"No, what." Sam gently massaged his shoulder, hoping her touch could comfort him and coax the story out of him. The way he closed his eyes and breathed in deeply told her she was having an effect on him. Jack turned his head towards her and eyed her hand on his shoulder.

"You don't play fair Sam." Her breath caught in her chest at him uttering her name so casually - like it was the most natural thing in the world. Sam smiled shyly and looked away. She was a little embarrassed that her actions were so transparent. "You remember Reeves?"

There were quite a few Reeves she had encountered in her time at the SGC, it was a very common name and off the top of her head she could identify about four of them from memory.

"Which Reeves would that be?" She asked curiously.

"John Reeves." Sam could swear she could detect a note of distain as he said the name.

"Ah, yes I think I do sir. He was on SG-4 during our first year as SG-1? They accompanied us on a mission to P4X-659?" Jack gave her that blank look that told her he had no idea, but would run with whatever she was saying.

"Yeah, sounds about right."

"What about him sir?"

"I clocked him one." Jack said matter-of-factly.

"What?" Sam had never heard anything about an altercation between the two. She was almost certain that Reeves had been transferred even before Kinsey tried to shut the program down the first time, she was surprised she even remembered Captain Reeves.

"Knew the guy was trouble the moment I first saw him - some guys you can just tell ya know?"

"Maybe you can sir, but my instincts with men leave a little to be desired." Sam smiled.

She wasn't sure it was all that prudent to be bringing up her past relationships, but the brief grin Jack flashed her told her he wasn't bothered by it. She felt more at ease with him than she could ever remember feeling. Her hand still massaged his shoulder as she relished the contact every bit as much as he did.

"I'd seen the way he talked to women on the base. Did not want anything to do with the guy, but Hammond insisted we take backup, and there were no other teams available. Long story short, he said something and I clocked him."

"On the mission?" Sam asked dumbfounded. Jack nodded gently. "What did he say? Why was I not aware of this? Did the guys know?"

"Teal'c may have guessed - he's good like that. But the only ones who knew about it were him and me as far as I know. He threatened to have me up for assault, but I guess he decided not to pursue it."

"What?!" Sam's jaw dropped in disbelief. The way he spoke so casually about it told Sam he didn't regret it in the slightest, which made her even more curious as to why he would risk being court martialled. "What did he say? Why would you do that?"

"I think you know why." Jack said poignantly.

Sam paused for a moment, and Jack could see the pieces of the puzzle falling into place for her. He loved that look. Usually it was caused by her putting together some equation he didn't recognise or could even begin to fathom… which made him love it all the more.

"He said something about me?"

"Yep." Sam's heart beat a little faster. Jack had risked his career for her all that time ago and she had never even known it. "With as much patience as I could muster I kindly asked him to knock it the hell off and he wilfully declined. I hadn't intended on taking a swing at the guy when I took him out for the scout, but he just went too far."

"What did he say?"

"Doesn't matter Carter - the point is when we first met you had no way of knowing whether or not I was exactly like that guy. In which case your gender equality speech was a little too restrained in my opinion. Not that anything would ever penetrate a skull that thick."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I was worried that _you_ would a swing at _me_." Sam's hand left Jack's shoulder and landed on the step behind them.

"Me? I would neve-." Sam began to protest.

"Maybe you wouldn't take a punch, but you'd probably have wanted to. You were so determined to show me you could take care of yourself and you would have been majorly pissed that I undermined your capabilities by stepping up to defend you. Like I didn't know you could kick the guys ass if you wanted to Carter. I didn't want you to hear what that son of a bitch said about you, and no airmen will ever speak like that while under my command."

Sam thought about the way she was back then. She'd felt so in awe of Jack O'Neill from the moment she laid eyes on him. From that first meeting in the briefing room she had become determined to prove herself every bit as capable as Kawalski and Ferretti. She had been so afraid of failing him - of disappointing him - and she'd often tried to cover up her insecurities with aggression and posturing. He was right - she would have taken his actions to mean he had no faith in her capabilities; she would have been hurt and angry… She would have made a fool of herself by reacting to the situation in a less than gracious manner…

"Thank you, sir." It was really all she could think to say.

"No problem - hitting things is what I do best. You never had to doubt my faith in you Carter, ever."

"I know that sir, thank you."

"Honestly, you knocked my socks off the first day I met you."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It was weird hearing that stuff come out of someone so…"

"So what?" Sam prompted, eager to hear what he had to say.

"Hot." Jack said plainly.

Sam looked shocked.

_Did General O'Neill really just say that to her? Maybe she misheard him? He never said things like that… He might think them, but he never said them._

Quickly Sam's mind conjured up all the words that rhymed with "hot" that she could have misheard.

_Pot, cot, dot, lot, rot, sot(support our troops), zot… zot wasn't even a word._

Sam realised she'd been quiet for too long and Jack was staring at her expectantly.

"Really?" Sam gulped.

"Yeah."

"Wow." She said, sounding slightly dazed.

"I don't know if you've ever listened to the things you say, but most of it is pretty much indecipherable to us simple folk."

Sam forced her mind to skip over his 'hot' remark and start ticking again. It was certainly something she'd come back to dwell on later though.

"You're smarter than you lead people to think."

"I'm glad you think so." Jack smiled at her. "Personally I'm not so sure."

"You're just modest… sometimes frustratingly so."

Sam's hand left he bottom step and slowly made its way up into Jack's hair. She wasn't how many times she sat across the briefing room table daydreaming about running her fingers through it. She ruffled it between her fingertips, savouring the feel of the silver strands which were much softer than she had imagined. Jack looked surprised by her boldness, but he quickly returned the favour by running his fingers back and forth over her knee.

That definitely got Sam's attention.

"I must admit, I like your hair a lot better now than when we first met."

"The good old days when I knew colour and didn't feel so old every time I had the misfortune of seeing myself in a mirror." Sam sighed loudly in what sounded to Jack like genuine aggravation. "What?"

"Are you insane?" Sam knew she was about to enter unfamiliar territory, but her frustration and need to tell him exactly what she thought overpowered whatever fear she had. She had felt the issue of their age difference hang in the air on many occasions, and to be honest it pissed her off. It also pissed her off that she couldn't tell him exactly what she thought about it because it would mean acknowledging _those_ feelings which she wasn't permitted to do. She sensed it was one of the many excuses Jack came up with that they were wrong for each other and she resented the hell out of such a flimsy excuse - it was nothing short of insulting. She was a woman, he was a man, end of story. "You don't really believe that do you? You're not old."

"I'm almost fifty Carter."

"So what? You're in better shape than most guys half your age. I'd much rather be with…" Sam trailed off. She didn't miss how Jack's grip tightened on her knee at her words. "You're not old, are we clear on that?"

"Yes mam." Jack didn't agree with her, but knowing that Carter believed he wasn't old with such conviction made his blood run hot - not that it didn't always run hot around Carter. Even on those rare occasions when she ticked him off and it made him angry just glancing her way… even then he wanted to pull her into his arms, kiss her, and tell her that she was the reason his world went on spinning.

They sat quietly for a few minutes, not in awkward silence, but in a mutual understanding that they were savouring this new found comfort with each other.

The way his fingers danced across her knee had her cursing the fact it was the middle of autumn and absolutely freezing outside – if it hadn't been she could have been wearing a skirt, in which case she'd be able to feel the caress of his hand on her bare skin.

Thoughtlessly she let her head come down to rest on Jack's shoulder. Her fingers were still ruffling away unconsciously, but moving with apparent purpose. Jack leant over and nuzzled his face into her hair. He kissed the top of her head, breathing in her scent as deeply as he could.

_Vanilla and chocolate? Was that it?... He'd figure it out one day._

Sam let out a deeply contented sigh.

She couldn't remember a moment in her life that ever stood out as this peaceful - her mind was clear, not busy or confused.

It dawned on her that it was finally happening… it wasn't some vague notion or intangible hope for the future… it was here right now, this was it…

_She was in a relationship with Jack O'Neill._

_And it was every bit as wonderful as she'd imagined it would be._

She was no longer scared of the consequences; whatever they had to do, whatever she had to sacrifice, she would…

_She was ready to be happy._

"You alright?" Jack mumbled into her hair.

"Never better."

Jack placed another kiss on her head, just as her tummy let out a very audible growl. Jack grinned at her.

"Hungry?"

"Starving actually." Now that Sam wasn't busy being a nervous wreck, she could finally take the time to feel hunger again.

"Pizza?"

"What?"

"Pizza? Ya know, those big circles with delicious toppings?"

"I know what pizza is Jack, but wouldn't all the pizza places be closed by now?

Jack glanced at his watch and winced. 11.34PM.

"Yikes, you may be right Carter."

"Am I also right in assuming there in nothing in your fridge but beer?" She smiled at him cheekily.

"Ha! You think you know me so well! There's actually ketchup in there too."

"You keep ketchup in the fridge?" Sam asked curiously.

"Don't you?"

"No. Seems a bit strange."

"That's what it says to do on the label." Jack announced in his defence.

"No way." Sam looked at him doubtfully.

"Yes way. It says 'refrigerate after opening'."

"Since when do you read labels?" She demanded.

It was right about this time that it dawned on Jack.

_He was in a relationship with Samantha Carter._

_And it was every bit as wonderful as he imagined it would be._

"I always read labels Sam. It's like my code."

"You're code?"

"Yes, read any label less than fifty words. Any more than that just isn't worth my time."

Sam giggled at his usual performance of ridiculousness that she knew was entirely for her benefit.

"So who gets the mustard and who gets the beer?" Sam asked.

"Whoever wins the race."

Sam grinned as she watched Jack jump to his feet and bound up the stairs towards the kitchen...

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**Thanks to the reviewers on my Valentine's Day chapter! Love you guys!**


	19. Chapter 18

**Hey guys. This chapter was actually twice as long but the second half is M rated. I decided to break it into two chapters so I could give some warning about the rating change, just in case some readers wish to stop following. Now bring on the Froot Loops! **

CHAPTER 18

"I'm really sorry Carter." Jack apologized for the third time. "I'll make it up to you tomorrow." The chair beneath him screeched against the tile floor as he pulled it closer to the table.

"Will you stop it?" Sam insisted (also for the third time!). "It's fine. It's more than fine actually… it's great."

Jack shot Sam a doubtful look from the opposite side of the small dining room table.

While he wasn't exactly thrilled that the only thing he had to offer Sam was long life milk on stale cereal, he did have to admit it… he had always loved watching her eat Froot Loops.

Sam shot him an enthusiastic smile before bringing the heaped spoon up to her mouth. He couldn't help but notice the little sigh of appreciation she let out as she munched away - that was pretty darn hot.

Jack began to wonder if Froot Loops weren't such a bad choice after all.

He looked on as more cereal met its end - fascinated by the ridiculously adorable sight that was Sam Carter eating brightly coloured rings of puffed wheat.

Sam looked up from her bowl to see Jack staring at her in a way that made her pulse race.

_Unbelievable… this man could even make eating breakfast cereal sexy._

"What are you smiling at?" She'd seen that look before… greeting her from across an entirely different table. Just as he had done then, Jack continued gazing at her for a moment before he answered.

"Nothin'." He said finally, turning his attention to the bowl in front of him - it looked to Sam like he had yet to touch it. She watched as he pushed the food around the bowl, drenching the cereal under the milk. "Do you want mine too? I'm not that hungry and you seem to be enjoying yours."

Jack was more than eager to prolong this meal. Usually he had to keep his fascination with Carter's eating under wraps; now that he could stare at her with nobody noticing he was going to take full advantage.

"No thank you, I'm fine - although I couldn't think of anything better for a midnight snack."

"You have impeccable taste Carter." Jack said before finally taking a bite for himself.

"I don't like the taste really, I just like Froot Loops." Sam said absently.

Jack furrowed his brow in that unfathomably cute way of his.

"I know this happens a lot, but I'm afraid you've lost me."

"I just like them."

She'd answered just a little too vaguely for Jack's liking - he got the impression there was something she wasn't saying.

"If not for the taste, then why?" Sam gave a slight shrug and stared down into her bowl. Now Jack definitely knew he was onto something. He tilted his head to the side questioningly. "Sam?"

_Why when he said her first name did she feel to compulsion to rip his clothes off_? _Or her clothes? Or both?_

"Because they remind me of you." She admitted meekly, not quite meeting his eyes out of apparent embarrassment.

All Jack could do was smile.

Every time he sat down to a bowl of Froot Loops he was reminded of the kiss he shared with Carter during the time loop.

_Every time._

That was exactly the reason it was the only thing he bothered to have stored in the pantry. After the time dilation device had been decommissioned he swore he could never look at a bowl of Froot Loops again, and yet he'd found himself eating them on a daily basis this past year since SG-1 were going off-world without him - he wasn't sure why.

_Hell, he knew exactly why – it was his nonsensical way of feeling close to her._

He'd stopped eating them the day he found out she'd accepted Klutz Cops proposal, which was why they were a little on the musty side.

Sam looked like she wanted to say something else, but had thought better of it.

"Somethin' on your mind?" Jack asked, drumming his fingers on the table top in an effort to look casual.

"Not really." Sam answered before slurping up a spoonful of milk.

Jack was captivated by the way her lips softly caressed the spoon. He felt a pang of resentment towards the inanimate piece of metal.

_Damn lucky spoon._

"I find that hard to believe." He teased. Sam threw him a half-scornful look from the other side of the table. But the way she bit her lower lip told Jack she was on the verge of spilling something. "Come on now, I'm the one with the communication issues here."

Sam gave an audible scoff.

"I think we're equally talented in that area."

"Well it's nice to know I match you on _something._ Come on Carter, give it up." Jack looked at her expectantly.

"Nothing, it's just…" Sam trailed off. She wasn't sure she should tell him… it sounded ridiculous even to her.

Jack reached across the table and placed his hand over the top of Sam's. He didn't want to force her to tell him something she wasn't ready to, but he knew whatever it was he could handle it. He ran his fingers back and forth over her wrist in an effort to reassure her. It seemed to have worked as she greeted him with an encouraging smile.

"I've actually been eating these almost everyday this year. Well, everyday I haven't been off-world of course."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I don't know… I think I just wanted to keep something of you around me. I have about 3 boxes at home, which is ridiculous because I'm never home to eat them."

"The travesty…" Jack feigned outrage. In reality he was stunned.

"Actually…" Sam stopped in her tracks, unsure whether or not she should bring up her ex-fiancé again this evening. "I… uh.."

"Yes?" He prompted. Sam looked unsure of herself, which was not something he was accustomed to seeing in her. "It's okay Carter, really."

Sam took a deep breath before she went on.

"A few weeks ago I came out of my bedroom in the morning, and uh…Pete was there…"

So far Jack wasn't liking this story.

Her coming out of _his_ bedroom in the morning and _him_ being there… Now that was a good story. Hopefully she'd be wearing another article of his clothing and not much else.

_Yeah, that was a much better story._

"And?" He didn't want to hear anymore about Klutz Cop, but he did want to know what was playing on her mind.  
"And he was sitting at the table eating Froot Loops." Sam said finally.

"Uh huh?" Jack was a little confused as to where she was headed… although that was nothing out of the ordinary.

"And I kind of… freaked out on him a little bit."

"You freaked out?"

"Yeah, I'm sure he must have thought I was insane. I started ranting about how impolite it was to go into someone's pantry and eat their cereal." Jack started laughing, which was a sound Sam hadn't heard nearly enough over the years. "I just… well… I couldn't…"

"I get it."

"That was when I really started to doubt whether I could go through with it... The wedding I mean. I'd been having doubts about it as soon as I said yes…" Sam's blue eyes burned with regret as she remembered that moment back in the lab the day before she had accepted Pete's proposal. "Actually before that…"

Sam could swear she saw pain flicker in his eyes before Jack looked away and she wondered if his mind had gone back to that evening too.

That look was exactly what Sam had been afraid of - the last thing she wanted to do was dwell on their mistakes.

What she was trying to tell him was that even though she had accepted Pete's proposal she had never for a moment let him go.

She wanted him to know she had never left him behind or forgotten him, even for a day. While trying to force herself to move on, she'd ironically found herself trying to hold onto him in increasingly ridiculous and desperate ways. The Froot Loops were just one of many examples.

"I remember." Jack said finally. Although he seemed to distance himself from the conversation by staring into the living room, he had made no effort to relinquish her hand. His fingers still strummed rhythmically across her skin, and Sam took comfort in every caress.

"But when I saw him sitting there eating your-." Sam paused, realizing what she had said. "_My _cereal… I just… started wondering what on Earth had possessed me to say yes."

At that Jack turned back to meet Sam's eyes. What she read in his gaze made her ache with longing. He was speaking the deepest of apologies as he stared at her, and she wanted so desperately for him to know that it wasn't his fault.

She knew how he was, and she loved every inch of him. In that moment back in the lab she had pinned their future on him suddenly changing, on him opening up and giving her a reason to turn Pete down.

_What they shared should have been reason enough for her to say no. _

"You wanted to be happy Carter." Jack said simply. His fingers lifted her hand from the table top and he clasped it tightly against his own. "I wanted you to be happy." He added. "Are you happy Sam?"

"I am now." She answered, putting as much meaning into those three words as she could.

"Then it looks like we both got what we wanted, didn't we?"

"I guess so."

"Just for the record, am I allowed to eat your cereal?"

"Anytime."

"Wouldn't want to go incurring your wrath now would I?"

"No you wouldn't. Instead of The Simpsons I may just choose to watch that incredibly fascinating documentary on sedimentary rocks that Daniel subjected us to a few years ago."

"You wouldn't."

"I wouldn't risk it sir."

"Speaking of The Simpsons, it's probably on right about now."

"It's just past midnight."

"Your point?"

"I don't watch a lot of TV, but isn't it a bit late for The Simpsons to be airing?"

"I told you Carter, VHS collection! Poor Siler never got his hands on them. Bet he wishes the Asgard had left my butt frozen in the arctic, can't say I'd blame him."

Sam just grinned at that. Things rarely worked out well for Siler.

"What do you say?"

Truthfully Sam was exhausted. She sensed it had less to do with lack of sleep and more to do with the gravity of emotions that had weighed her down the past few days.

Right now though her heart felt full and happy, and she was grateful for the chance to finally spend some time with the man she loved. There was no way she was going to turn him down in favour of a few hours sleep.

"Do I get to pick the episode?"

THREADS

As The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror flickered on the tv screen Jack O'Neill gave a sigh of deep contentment. He wondered how on Earth he ended up on his couch with Sam Carter curled up beside him. Only hours earlier he was certain he had lost her forever, yet here she was, closer to him than she'd ever been.

He'd hit the mute button for the TV about ten minutes earlier; Sam hadn't even lasted half way through the episode before she fell asleep and he didn't want the noise to disturb her.

_Too bad, she would have liked this episode._

He knew he should make a move to get some rest himself, but he couldn't quite convince himself that was an option. If his eyes were closed they couldn't drink in the beautiful sight that was Carter leaning against his chest. She was barely conscious when she had moved into his arms and Jack had to wonder if she was even aware of what she was doing. Still, he wasn't about to push her away. Sam nuzzled into him in her sleep.

_No sir, he definitely was not about to push her away. _

She making the same soft snoring sound he remembered from all those nights off world – he'd missed that sound.

He'd liked it when Daniel was on watch. Daniel sometimes snored so loud Jack was afraid he could give away their position, so of course it overshadowed the soft melody of Sam's breathing. But when Daniel was on watch he was free to lay awake and listen to her until sleep finally took him. It was more relaxing than the sound of rain falling on the roof of his cabin as he lay in bed. It was more peaceful than the lullabies his mother used to sing to him as a child. It was just about magical in fact – not that he'd ever tell her that.

_Or maybe he would? _

He'd done a pretty good job this evening of being open. It had taken every bit of effort he could muster, but he'd managed to say things to her he doubted he ever could. He hadn't told her the most important thing he had to say, but he knew he would in time. It had to be perfect.

_Perfection was a lot to ask of someone as screwed up as he was._

But Carter was willing to give him a shot, and he was going to do his damndest to make her happy.

The fire crackled and popped as it began to die down; being as well versed with fires as he was he knew soon the air would begin to chill. Jack thought he should turn up the thermostat to keep Sam warm. But then that would require moving.

He was in quite a bind.

"_Captain Carter we're almost done here."_

_Sam turned to see a woman standing beside her, holding what appeared to be vials of soil samples. It took Sam a moment to realise this was a person she recognised - Dr. Hainesworth had been captured and executed by Apophis many years ago. _

"_I'm still gonna be a while!"_

_Sam didn't need to turn to know that was Daniel speaking. She wasn't sure how many times he'd said those words over the past eight years - or how many times she'd seen the scornful look on Jack's face after he said them. _

"_How long's a while Jackson?" Bellowed Sergeant Acker - another member of SG-4. He loomed over Daniel in a manner so obviously impatient that it emulated Colonel O'Neill._

"_Depends on whether or not there are any more artefacts in the vicinity. I would like to survey the area thoroughly before we leave, but I can't do that until I'm finished here."_

_Daniel appeared to be unearthing something with his "paintbrushes" as Jack called them._

_Sam remembered this mission. _

_The radio in Sam's chest pocket crackled to life and an unmistakable voice emanated from it._

"_Captain Carter?"_

"_Yes, sir?"_

"_Report?"_

"_Uh…" Sam paused, she was still trying to get her bearings. "Daniel says he'll be a while."_

"_Of course he does." Colonel O'Neill sounded even more snarky than Sam was accustomed to hearing - if she didn't know any better she'd swear he was angry. "Please inform Daniel that we aren't here so he can waste everyone's time."_

"_Uh-."_

"_Teal'c and Fisher are on watch. Reeves and I are headed out for one last scout of the area before we go, make sure we haven't missed anything. I expect Daniel to be well and truly done by time we get back!"_

"_Yes, sir!" Reeves? Well that may explain Jack's less than pleasant mood. "Which direction are you heading?"_

"_Due east. That cliff face should give us a good enough vantage point to see beyond the tree line."_

"_UAV didn't detect anything of significan-."_

"_I'm aware of that Captain! Just tell Daniel to move his ass, we're not standing around all day while he plays in the dirt!" _

"_Yes Colonel."_

_Sam could feel the anger radiating from Jack all the way from here. _

"_O'Neill out."_

_Sam estimated she was about 1.5 klicks from the Stargate. Assuming that's where they were, she was going to have to hurry if she was going to catch them…_

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**Thanks to all my reviewers on my last chapter! -**

**ShoeQueen, Tina, vcm, K'MI.974, mmkbrook (love your reviews, you know these characters so well!), Yeahsureyoubetcha, Katetanic, morganka, flyingdocbrett, Tel nok shock, dpdp, RhizOneill, Yol, wonderwoman1970, LadyMo, MyNameIsJeffNImLost, Alexis Jaymie Goin, and guest.**

**Love you guys!**


	20. Chapter 19

**THIS CHAPTER IS RATED M**

CHAPTER 19

_Sam ran until her muscles burned and her lungs screamed for oxygen. She slowed to catch her breath and listen for any signs of the two men she was trailing. _

_Although she had no way to be certain of Colonel O'Neill's location, she was quite confident she was on the right track. She'd come across several tree branches that appeared to have been snapped off – a habit of Jack's especially when he was in a state of aggravation. _

_She had carefully avoided the tree line that ensconced the clearing where the Stargate stood - she didn't want Teal'c or Fisher to make her position. _

_As she concentrated on steadying her breathing and the rush of blood in her ears began to slow, she realized that faint voices permeated the air. _

_She'd have to move with caution from here on out. Out in the field Colonel O'Neill had the finest instincts among military personnel, and she would have to make an effort if she wished to go undetected. _

_She was yet to stop and analyse what exactly her intent was in following them, she just knew that wherever it was Jack was, that's where she should be._

_Sam moved from tree to tree, carefully heading in the direction of the intermittent voices. They seemed to have veered slightly off due east and Sam wondered if they had purposefully moved of course for some reason._

_Sam stopped to listen to see if she could gauge their position when she realized the voices were a lot louder than they had seemed a moment ago. She couldn't quite make out the words, but their voices didn't seem to be raised, which excluded a clash being the reason for the increased volume. It took a minute for Sam to realise that she was advancing on them much more rapidly than she anticipated because they had made a 180 degree turn and were now heading back in her direction._

_As the voices grew louder Sam quickly surveyed the area in hopes of finding appropriate cover. Her eyes fell upon a fallen tree about twenty yards on her left. _

_Perfect._

_Sam had been crouching on the forest floor for less than two minutes before Jack's words started to become distinguishable._

"_How many times do I have to tell you to keep it down? If there are any hostiles in the area you've pretty much thrown down the welcoming mat!"_

"_With all due respect sir, this planet has been uninhabited for centuries. If I'm gonna haul my ass out here for no reason I'd like to at least be able to enjoy myself a little." _

"_Well I'm glad you're having fun Captain, because I doubt there's a living thing within ten miles of us that hasn't made our position thanks to your yammering."_

_Sam found a small split in the old hollowed out tree. It would afford her a good vantage point for the few moments before the two moved on._

"_What can I say? I'm a social creature."_

"_That's one more area where you and I differ, now keep it down!"_

_Reeves fell quiet, and for a moment Sam wondered if the imbecile actually knew what was good for him. She could tell by the tone of Colonel O'Neill's voice that his patience was razor thin. _

_It was only a matter of seconds before Reeves started chatting again, and he appeared to be making no effort to keep it down. She wondered how a soldier who demonstrated such blatant insubordination could be approved to join the Stargate program._

"_We could talk more about Captain Carter."_

"_I told you to knock that off."_

"_C'mon she's all over you all the time, I know you've got some tips for me."_

"_Captain Carter isn't all over anything other than her latest doohickey."_

"_Well that's okay; I'm more interested in her being under me actually. You're not the only one who's had his eyes on that ass, believe me."_

"_That's it." Colonel O'Neill spat. The look on the Colonel's face was nothing short of murderous. If he had looked at Sam like that she'd be ready to run a mile, but Captain Reeves seemed oblivious to the apparent danger he was in. "If you ever speak about Captain Carter that way again you are going to find your sorry ass firmly planted to the ground! She is your fellow officer, who I have no doubt will very soon be ranking above you, now treat her with the respect she deserves!"_

"_Promotion eh? She must have really given it to you good O'Neill."_

_With that Jack made good on his word, as his fist swiftly flew into Captain Reeves jaw sending him plummeting facedown onto the forest floor. _

_Jack stood over him, panting heavily which Sam suspected had more to do with the rage written on his face and not the long hike he'd taken._

"_Are we clear now?"_

_Captain Reeves lifted his head off the ground and brought his hand up to dabble the small amount of blood that had trickled from his split lip._

"_Don't think I'm not going to report this." Reeves said indignantly. Sam could tell by the waiver in his voice that Reeves didn't believe he was capable of threatening Jack in any way, and certainly not through official channels._

"_You go right ahead."_

_Jack stared the man down as he climbed to his feet. Sam had almost forgotten what an incredible force Jack could be just in his ability to stand strong. He was stoic and unwavering, and every bit the leader of men. She knew nothing Reeves said would shake him._

"_We'll see if you still feel that way when the assault charges put a black mark on that spotless record of yours."_

"_Assault charges?" Sam thought Jack almost looked amused, but it was hard to be sure from the position she was in. "Captain, if you knew the things I've done… the people I've killed… you'd know 'assault' couldn't possibly put a black mark on my record…" Jack strode up to Reeves until he was standing inches from his face. "You can't get darker than black."_

_Reeves stared back at the Colonel for a moment, apparently dumbstruck. Then his eyes seemed to flicker with the realisation he was tempering with a man who could be truly dangerous if he chose to be._

"_Sorry sir, it won't happen again." Reeves muttered, his eyes falling to the ground._

"_Move out." Jack said simply, pointing in the direction of the Stargate._

_Reeves eyed Jack warily as he started to walk away, possibly afraid that Colonel O'Neill was about to evict some revenge. _

_Jack just stared after him until he moved behind the trees up ahead and out of sight. _

_Sam watched on as he inhaled deeply and bent over to rest his hands on his knees. _

_She wondered if he was attempting to calm himself after the scuffle or if he had something else on his mind. Perhaps he was dwelling on one of those blacker than black marks on his name? She knew whatever the past had held for this man, it was responsible for creating the person who stood before her now, and she had no doubt anywhere inside her that he was the most honourable of souls._

"_Are you alright sir?" Asked Sam, moving out from her position behind the tree._

"_Captain? What are you doing here?" Jack quickly stood up straight in surprise._

"_Looking for you."_

"_Is there a problem?"_

"_No, sir."_

"_You didn't hear any of that did you?" Jack asked warily._

_Sam nodded her head._

"_Is it true sir?" Sam asked after a moment._

_Sam could see the shame swell within his eyes before he hung his head. He thought she was talking about his past. _

"_Yeah. Yeah it is."_

"_I'm flattered sir." Sam said, striding towards him._

"_Huh?"_

"_About you checking me out, that is what Reeves said isn't it?"_

"_You heard all of that?" Jack's mouth hung open in shock._

"_Kind of."_

"_The man is a cad Carter, I trust you won't take anything that moron had to say to heart."_

"_So then you haven't been checking me out?" Sam asked, sounding disappointed._

"_I.. I.." Jack stuttered - that was a definite 'yes' to Sam. "Was there something you needed Captain?" _

_The emphasis he put on the word 'Captain' was a clear cut reminder that he was her superior officer and she should not be asking questions of that nature. _

_Sam just smiled at him, thinking how incredibly typical it was of him to shut her down by pulling rank. It was what he did when she got a little too close for his comfort. _

_She realized now that it had never been about him not wanting to be close to her. _

_He was scared. _

_He was acting out of self preservation by keeping her at a distance._

_Well not this time!_

"_What about that other thing he said?" Sam pressed on._

"_What thing?"_

"_That thing about me being all over you?" Sam said tipping her head to the side slightly in a manner Jack found spectacularly endearing._

"_Captain, I think I'd know if that were the case. Your conduct has been nothing short of exemplary - don't let him have you doubting yourself. "_

"_Do you want me all over you?" Sam moved into his personal space and the way Jack's breath hitched told her he was very aware of it._

"_Uhh… I think it's best if we head back to the gate, don't you?" Sam could hear in his voice that he was nervous._

"_No sir, I really don't." Sam said with a suggestive undertone that Jack didn't miss. "I like it here… nice and quiet don't you think?"_

"_Uh, Captain?" Sam had moved to within inches of Jack's lips and she could feel his breath press against her as he spoke._

"_Yes, sir?"_

"_I.. I really think we should move out." Jack stuttered, as if he was finding it hard to breathe._

"_But then everyone will see." Said Sam._

"_See what?"_

"_Me take all my clothes off, and that seems like it might be a bit awkward don't you think sir?"_

_Jack stood in silence for a moment apparently lost for words._

"_Carter are you feeling alright? You didn't drink something again did you?"_

"_No Colonel, I didn't drink anything…."_

"_You sure?"_

"_I want you."_

"_I'm sorry, what was that?"_

"_I want you."_

"_Am I dreaming? 'Cause believe me Captain, you could do a lot better."_

"_I'm afraid I'm the one's who's dreaming sir, and believe me…" Sam thumbed at the collar of his uniform "I'm going to make the most of it."_

_Sam threw down her weapon and quickly removed her jacket, she had gotten to lifting the hem of her shirt up her stomach when Jack stopped her._

"_Carter, I can't let you do this… Your career…"_

"_Let's not worry about that right now." Sam said as she backed away to lift her t shirt over her head. She tossed it onto the ground hurriedly, eager not to waste another second. She stood before him wearing nothing but a lace bra and pants._

_He gazed at her with a longing that burned into her, bringing a flush to her cheeks. Jack scrunched his eyes closed with all the effort he could muster and brought his hand up to his face to prevent himself from looking at her. _

"_I can't not worry about it Carter! You're too important! I have a responsibility to you."_

"_Do you want me sir?" Sam said, moving back towards him and standing so close that his shirt tickled the bare skin of her stomach. She could tell by the way his muscles tensed he was fighting not to touch her._

"_More than anything Carter, but we can't."_

"_I know we have responsibilities sir, and I'm not suggesting we walk away from them. We just need to figure something out, that's all."_

_Jack knew that looking into her eyes would completely crumble his resolve, yet he found himself helplessly drawn to them by the plea he heard in her voice. Her eyes swam into his with an intensity that he'd never known. She moved closer to nuzzle her face into his neck. _

"_Please, Jack?" She whispered against his skin._

_Jack broke beyond repair._

_His lips crashed into hers forcefully, barely waiting for her response before he slid his tongue in her mouth to taste her. This was not like the soft, seductive kiss she had experienced on General O'Neill's stairs; this was desperate, frantic need, the ferocity of which caught even Sam by surprise. _

_Jack pulled her hips into his, grinding himself against her. His hands moved up and down her bare arms and stomach, seemingly desperate to touch every inch of her._

_Sam slid her hands up over his shoulders and into his scruffy brown hair._

_In one swift motion Jack ducked down and grabbed the back of her thighs, lifting her off the ground and pulling her up around his waist. He carried her, stumbling into a nearby tree. Jack held her around him with one hand and used his other arm to shield the skin of her back from the rough bark of the tree trunk._

_Sam had never felt such passion in all her life. _

_In the past there had been men frantic to have her, and every time it made her want to pull away. Jack's need however only served to fuel her own. She could feel his hardness pressed against her and it made her curse the fact she was yet to remove her pants._

_Jack trailed his kisses from her mouth to her chin and down her neck. He breathed against her heavily, steadying himself for a moment before he pulled away._

_Sam stared into his eyes, begging him to continue. She could see every ounce of his love written there and she wanted nothing more than to quell his need to make her his._

"_Are you sure about this?"_

_Sam eased her grip on his hips and let her feet slide back to the ground._

"_I'm sure Jack. I love you."_

_He stared at her for a moment with a look so deeply loving that Sam felt her heart break a little._

_Her hands moved towards Jack's belt buckle as his lips fell onto hers in that same soft and tender way she remembered. She felt so happy she wondered if she might cry._

_Her hands managed to pull Jack's belt open and loosen his pants. He moaned against her lips as her fingers inadvertently brushed against him._

_His hands reached around her back and expertly unhooked her bra clasp. Jack moved his lips to her neck as he gently slid her bra strap down her shoulder. He kept his lips against her skin as his other hand pulled her bra down her arm and removed it completely._

_His eyes didn't look, but his hands explored their way up her hips, across the soft skin of her stomach and cupped her breasts._

_Sam's need was beyond desperate, and she moved her hands from his belt to her own. She quickly pulled her belt off and opened the button of her pants._

_She shuffled to inch them down, struggling a bit as she did. _

_Jack gazed into her eyes._

"_Let me?" Jack whispered. Sam smiled bashfully and bit her lower lip. She nodded gently giving him an encouraging last kiss before he fell to his knees._

_He stared up at her as if she was some goddess so beautiful he couldn't comprehend her existence._

_His pressed his lips softly against her bellybutton, his hands grasping firmly onto her hips. Slowly he slid them down the side of her legs, tugging her pants down to her knees as he did._

_Jack moved his hands down to her boots and fumbled with the laces. He leant his face against her inner thigh and nuzzled against her as he untied her boots. Sam felt a rush of warmth between her legs, and she prayed that he wouldn't keep her waiting much longer._

_He tugged her right boot off and tossed it aside, followed closely by the left. He slid the waistband of her pants from her knees all the way down to her feet and she stepped out of them. She now stood before him against the tree in nothing but black underwear and socks._

_Jack stayed in his kneeling position for a moment, surveying her form as if attempting to tattoo it on his memory._

_He rose slightly on his knees, bringing his face directly in front of her. Slowly he placed a kiss in between her legs, Sam could feel the heat of his breath through her underwear and it made her ache for more._

_Jack slid his tongue out and gently caressed the fabric with his tongue. Sam tried not to cry out, but the way he looked up at her told her she was less than successful. She pleaded with him silently._

_Jack smiled and climbed to his feet. He brought his hand up to cup her cheek._

"_You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen." He said before pressing another kiss to her lips._

_Sam sensed the heat rising from his body as his kissing quickly escalated to desperate once again. She slid her thumbs under the hem of his under wear and pushed them down, inch by inch. His tongue danced, and tempted and tasted every inch of her until she burned with desire._

_Jack's hands fell to her waist and he slid her underwear down over her hips a little before they fell to the ground._

_He pushed her into the tree, grinding against her naked form. His arms wrapped fully behind her back, protecting her delicate skin from any grazes._

_He kissed her passionately, and lovingly and deeply until the world spun around her. She needed him more than she needed to breathe._

"_Jack? Please?" _

_He pulled away from her just enough to look deep into her eyes._

"_Are you sure about this? Really sure?"_

"_More sure than I have ever been of anything."_

_She could see the glisten of moisture in Jack's eyes as he moved in position between her legs. _

_Sam began the climb to the heights of ecstasy as he entered her. She held onto his shoulders desperately seeking something solid to hold onto before she lost herself completely. As he began his torturously slow rhythm, his laboured breath rung in her ears._

"_I love you too Sam."_

_Sam whimpered against the skin of his neck, as a tear of the purest joy slid down her cheek._

"Sam? Are you okay?" Jack's finger swept away the wet sheen that covered Sam's face.

Sam opened her eyes, and it took a moment for them to focus on her surroundings… and another moment for realisation to hit her.

"Why did you wake me up?!" Sam grumbled. With a disgruntled moan she turned over on the couch to face away from Jack..

"I know I've said this before, but you're really not a morning person are you?" Sam made an unimpressed noise and dug her face further into the pillow.

Jack smiled to himself.

"At least you didn't kick me this time."

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**Just started wearing contact lenses, and they are great for writing! I'm not pushing my glasses up every minute or so thanks to looking at the keyboard. LOL.**

**I will now be writing a chapter rating at the top of every chapter so that people uncomfortable with M content can continue reading the story. ;)**

**Thank you lovely reviewers, as usual you are awesome! -**

**erinn80, Katetanic, Tel nok shock, Lillie Flowers (yay for sequels!), mmkbrook, dpdp, vcm, titousphinx, Yeahsureyoubetcha, roque872002, ShoeQueen (the rest of Galatea now please?), Yol.**


	21. Chapter 20

**THIS CHAPTER IS RATED K**

CHAPTER 20

"C'mon now Carter, don't make me get the hose." Jack warned the back of Sam's head – the front was thoroughly buried under one of the couch cushions. "You know better than anyone what I'm capable of. I'm sure you recall that time Daniel decided to push his luck? Okay, so technically that was a pot full of river water, but the end result will be the same."

Jack smiled at the memory of Daniel jumping out of his sleeping bag, hair drenched and glasses fogged, busily shooting him a look of contempt.

_He'd been given ample warning._

Sam had watched the whole scene play out in front of her, doing her best to hide her amusement and failing miserably. From the moment he'd grabbed the pot from beside the campfire and traipsed off in the direction of the local stream she'd known exactly what his intent had been. She'd put up her token protest of course, but Jack knew her too well. One of the reasons he'd done it was to see her smile.

_Plus Daniel wouldn't move his tomb-polishing behind._

Sam hadn't so much as twitched at Jack's half-hearted threat and he had a sneaking suspicion that she had fallen asleep again.

He was a little confused by her unfavourable reaction to being woken. Although he supposed it was understandable, she must have been exhausted both emotionally and physically.

_She'd been worn out enough to fall asleep on his front step last night. _

He was sure he'd be a little cranky too if someone woke him in the middle of a much needed snooze. Jack really didn't want to wake her, but he had thought she was in the middle of a nightmare - she'd been crying for quite a while. Sixteen minutes and thirty seven seconds to be exact. Every whimper was like twisting a vice tighter and tighter around his heart; he couldn't help but watch the clock.

She had earned every drop of sleep she was getting, and he wanted nothing more than to rest for as long as she needed, but he needed to know she was okay before leaving.

He wasn't sure whether or not he should attempt to wake her again. He would never hesitate showing Daniel a little tough love, but Carter… she was… s_cary._

Okay, so he knew she would never retaliate… but the looks she would give him if he ever tried something like that…

Not that he was contemplating dumping water on her, but he was having trouble deciding what to do, and the clock was ticking…

Jack glanced at the clock on the mantel and sighed.

He was due to leave for the base any moment, and he didn't want to leave her in the state she was in. She was quiet for the moment but he didn't like the idea of her waking up from a nightmare and him having left without word.

Jacob's funeral was tomorrow, and he was certain the next few days would be painful for her. Despite her claims about being just fine, Jack knew when it came time to say goodbye it would hurt like hell. He was intent on being there for her every step of the way and he would not have her waking up with tears in her eyes and no one there.

She was strong, she could do this on her own, but for once he wanted her to know she didn't have to.

_Not anymore._

He didn't want to leave without saying goodbye. A part of him wished for reassurance that last night had actually happened and he hadn't dreamt the whole thing.

Although when he would have had time to dream such a thing he wasn't sure - he hadn't slept more than an hour. Missing out on watching Carter sleeping on his couch simply wasn't worth the much needed shut-eye.

_That couch had never looked so comfortable._

He would have squeezed in beside her if there had been room, but the only way they both would fit would be if she was half on top of him - which he certainly had no qualms with.

_No qualms whatsoever._

But he wasn't sure how she would feel about that, and he couldn't very well wake her to ask, so he placed a blanket over her and moved into the armchair.

Not that admiring her from the armchair as the fire crackled beside him was anything to complain about.

He was flooded with a rush of memories of sitting around the campfire, back in the days his weeks involved exploring uncharted corners of the galaxy.

Many nights he'd spent on watch he'd found himself battling with his eyes – struggling to keep them off of Carter. Sometimes he just didn't have the will.

Last night as he'd watched her sleep, he finally felt like he was back where he belonged… like he was home again.

_Leading SG-1 through the gate… fighting self-aggrandized snake heads… _

This past year he had felt like his life was done. He still was useful of course, and he would go on being useful as long as possible. But in terms of hopes for himself… _he was done._ He lived and breathed for the rush of adrenaline in his blood.. for those that needed his protection.. for SG-1.. for Carter… without any of that and nothing but an ever-replenishing stack of paperwork and reports to go through everyday… _what was left for him really?_

Jack gazed down at a still slumbering Sam. That his heart beat with the joy of hope and promise again was a gift he would have to thank her for later.

"Sam?" Jack decided to take the more gentle approach, leaning down to run his fingers through her hair.

The blinding energy and exuberance Sam emitted would probably give most people the impression that she was the type of woman that bounced out of bed the moment her alarm went off. Working with her out in the field so many years Jack could attest that that was one hundred percent incorrect. Once she was awake she was off and running - she had the discipline to pull herself to her feet no matter how exhausted she was - but actually pulling her out of her slumber was not always so easy.

Jack figured it was because that superbrain of hers required an extensive recharge and wouldn't relinquish her to consciousness until it got it.

He was pretty darn eager to get her up to his cabin. There she could sleep _all_ day, and he'd spend every minute of it enjoying the fact she was sleeping in_ his _bed. Even if that meant he had to sleep on the couch… _That'd still be pretty sweet. _

He hoped she would let him lay in bed with her, but he wouldn't let himself get his hopes up.

She had just broken off her engagement, and she deserved a bit of time and space to work things out. He wouldn't expect anything from her, he'd just enjoy the fact that she was fishing…_with him._

_It was a good start anyway. _

"Sam? Sam, wake up!" He was tempted to kneel down beside her, but his knee wasn't doing too well these days. "Sam?"

It worked. She flinched just slightly, and in seconds she began to stir.

"Jack?"

_Oh how he loved it when she said that word._

She was yet to turn back over to face him, her voice was searching for him just as it had done the night on her bed.

"I'm here." Jack said, stroking her hair away from her face as she rolled towards him. Her eyes struggled to focus on him for a moment.

_Oh how he loved that too._

That moment when she was between asleep and awake, when she looked sleepy and unguarded - not a sight he saw a lot on Carter, usually she had walls built around her like a fortress.

"I have to leave in a minute. Are you alright?" Jack said softly.

Sam blinked up at him for a few moments before her brain ticked into gear. She immediately shot up and went to climb to her feet.

"Yes. Oh, I'm sorry, I'll be out of your hair in…"

"Sam!" She froze in position. That was his 'listen up' tone, and years of military training meant she had little resistance to it. "You stay right there. I'm leaving; you're staying. You're still banned from the base for the next few days at least."

"About that…"

"Don't even try it Carter. You need to rest up. I just woke you because I didn't want you to think I ditched you." _Cop out. Tell her the real reason. _"I wanted…" _Do it!_ "To make sure you were okay… You were crying."

_Now was that so hard?_

Sam stared up at him looking confused… and slightly…

_Flustered? Was she blushing? Her dimples were doing that thing they did when she was embarrassed._

"I'm fine." She said hurriedly while nodding her head vigorously up and down.

_Something was up._

"You sure?"

"Yes, I'm positive."

_Whatever it was she clearly didn't want to discuss it. _

Jack decided not to pursue the matter – she'd tell him when she was ready.

"Good. I'm sorry I can't stay. I'd cook you breakfast if I could." Sam smiled and bit her lower lip – _a girl could get used to this._ "I'll make it up to you tonight… If we're still on for that barbecue?"

"Of course."

"Sweet." Jack grinned that impish grin of his.

Sam returned his smile, but she could tell he was as nervous as she was. This was the first morning she had woken up in his house as his… _was she his girlfriend?_ The uncertainty of this unfamiliar territory was exciting but a little uncomfortable – a wonderful kind of uncomfortable if there was such a thing. She wasn't sure if she should expect a kiss goodbye anymore than he was sure he should kiss her goodbye.

Sam grabbed one of the couch cushions and pulled it onto her lap - perhaps as an unconscious way of protecting herself. Sam tried to think of something to say to break the silence that had hung in the air just a bit too long.

"Uhh, how long can I stay?"

"Well uh…" Jack was smiling and she could tell he was about to say something Jack-like. "I'm okay with… uhhh, _forever_."

Sam humoured him with a smile, but she hoped deep down he meant it.

"Seriously." It was more of a demand than a question.

"I'm sorry Carter, I don't to serious, you know this." Sam shot him an incredulous 'just answer the question' look. "I guess by five, since our barbecue is at six." Jack said finally.

"Thank you."

"While we're on the subject, I was wondering if there was something you might do for me, if it's not too much trouble?"

"Anything, sir." Jack really liked the sound of that 'anything', not such a big fan of the word 'sir'.

"Would you wear something for me?" Jack's long history of playing the class clown was the only thing that kept him laughing at the look of shock on Sam's face. He was purposely baiting her with that easily misinterpreted sentence.

"Uhhh…" Carter was lost for words. Jack supposed there was a first time for everything.

"Would you wear that outfit you had on the other day?"

"Which one?" Sam asked bewildered.

"The blue one you were wearing when…" Jack knew she could fill in the blanks. He didn't want to bring up that horrifically awkward moment on his back porch. Although it may have been a good thing that Kerry had interrupted - he might have blown Sam off because he was seriously lacking brain cells.

"Oh." Sam said surprised. "Uh, sure."

She'd have to go home and do a wash, but it could be done. She was a little confused by his request however, it wasn't like that was the most attractive outfit on the planet. Pete always liked her to wear revealing dresses, not cardigans.

"You look good in blue." Jack said, almost as if he'd been reading her mind.

"Thank you." Sam said, trying not to look as pleased as she really was by that compliment.

Blue was her favourite colour.

"Well, I better mosey, boss will be pissed if I'm late again."

"What boss would that be?"

"Ya' know, the President or whatever." Jack gestured vaguely. Sam laughed and shook her head in that 'you're-ridiculous-but-I-love-it' way.

"Have a good day."

_Well if that wasn't the most utterly domestic housewife-like thing she had ever said to him_.

Jack seemed to notice that too as he was clearly attempting not to smile.

Sam rearranged the cushion on her lap - although it had been perfectly fine where it was. She fiddled with its buttons, trying to act like she was completely distracted, and not at all desperately hoping he would kiss her goodbye.

Jack wasn't buying it.

He leant down to her level, and curled his fingers around her ear as he placed a soft, tender kiss against her lips. He let his mouth linger on hers for a moment, savouring the wonderful newness of the experience. Jack pulled back just a few inches to look into her bright blue eyes.

They were shining at him

"Yes, dear." Jack whispered, smiling at her lovingly.

He didn't say anything more as he moved away, but the playful, almost smug smile he had on his face told Sam he was silently teasing her.

He made his way up the steps and walked over to one of the dining room chairs, reclaiming the coat Sam had been clinging to the past few days. He slid it on happily, breathing in deeply – it smelt heavily of vanilla and _something_. "You get some rest okay?" Jack called through the opening into the living room. "That's an order."

"Yes sir." Sam said, laying back down on the couch and pulling the cover up around her. It was an automatic response - she had barely registered what he'd said. She was too busy floating.

At least she felt like she floating, everything around her seemed warm and hazy… slightly intangible.

"Carter?"

Sam jumped as Jack suddenly appeared about a meter above her as he poked his head over the top of the opening above the couch.

"Yes?" Sam asked, pulling the blankets away from her face a little.

"You look good in blue."

Sam blushed as she clutched at the blue blanket covering her from head to toe.

He grinned at her before disappearing again.

Sam listened as he made his way to front door. She heard the wind rustle louder as he opened it and flinched slightly when she heard it close behind him.

She kept listening all the way up until she heard the hum of his truck engine fade – it wasn't until there was no trace left of him to absorb that she finally allowed herself to close her eyes and drift back to sleep.

THREADS

Sam woke up several hours later, still feeling a little drowsy, and more than a little disappointed that she hadn't returned to dreaming after she'd fallen asleep. Where these short trips to heaven were coming from she wasn't sure, but she'd gladly sleep forever as long as she'd always be with him. Sam had to pinch herself for a moment.

_That wasn't the way she would usually think._

Then again this wasn't a way she had ever felt - so deeply in love that it enveloped every part of her.

Sam's eyes drifted over the mantel, scouring across the many commendations and achievements of the Brigadier General. She couldn't help but linger on the photograph of Jack with his wife and son.

She found herself wondering whether they'd be as happy as the family in that picture.

_Would he ever want more children after what happened to Charlie?_

Sam shook the thoughts off, telling herself it was ridiculously early to be thinking about that. She forced her attention to move elsewhere and her eyes inadvertently landed on the clock.

_Crap! 3.15. How could she possibly have slept that long?!_

Usually she slept no longer than 6 hours and never that long during daylight hours.

Sam jumped to her feet in a rush. She'd had so much planned for the day that there would no longer be time for.

_She'd be lucky if she had time to shave her legs._

She had a sneaking suspicion she'd be wearing that blue outfit back here slightly damp.

She quickly slid on her shoes, which she realised Jack must have taken off during the night. A smile flittered across her face at the thought.

As she walked towards the steps ready to leave her eyes caught the dustpan on the floor. It was yet to be emptied and still the sight of it made her a little sad. She crouched down beside it and picked up one of the pieces. Flipping it over in her hand she caught sight of her name.

_Sam._

Minus the 'antha' of course.

Ridiculous though she knew it was, she gently placed it into her pants pocket, hoping she wouldn't accidently cut her fingers as she did.

Sam bounded up the stairs and slipped through the front door, ready to head home and prepare for their barbecue dinner.

As she walked down the front path of the General's house, she smiled to herself, happy in knowing that she'd always have a small ceramic reminder of last night and everything Jack meant to her.

She wasn't even annoyed she wouldn't get any work done today.

_Well… not very._

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**Thanks to all my reviewers! You're awesome and very glad not too many were bother by the rating change. Personally the last chapter was my favourite. Strange because you can usually find me floating on a fluff cloud not splashing in the gutter. :)**

**Oh I am getting Sam*heart*Jack tattooed on my ankle soon. Ouch! Will upload a pic when I do. :) **


	22. Chapter 21

THIS CHAPTER IS RATED K.

CHAPTER 21

Exactly how he managed to do this every single time was somewhat of a mystery to Jack O'Neill.

It wasn't as if he intended to do it, and even in times when he went out of his way to avoid it, it seemed beyond his power to stop it.

"Well this is just _peachy_." Jack muttered under his breath.

He couldn't have left the grill for more than three minutes… and yet amazingly he'd returned to puffs of grey and black smoke rising up into the evening air.

He was sure it was the fault of the barbecue.

_Yep, that was it._

Clearly they'd sold him a dodgy grill. He'd have to go back to that store, and give that guy wearing an apron a piece of his mind.

Jack continued to flip the various assortment of meat over – each piece as burnt as the last.

Usually it would not be something he'd give a second thought; this was just what happened any time he attempted to barbecue something.

And he liked his meat well done anyway. Although most would probably consider it more along the lines of charred beyond edibility. Jack felt inclined to disagree, since he was yet to let it ruin a meal. On this particular evening however Jack _was_ giving it a second thought, because on this particular evening Carter was his dinner date.

He'd seen her tuck into many less than appetising meals over the years – roasted alien whatevers included – she was far from squeamish with her food. But after the stale Froot Loops he'd so chivalrously treated her to the night before he had hoped he'd do a little better this time…

Jack checked his watch for about the tenth time in the past half hour. He was nervous. Quite an unfamiliar state for a man like him, and he didn't like one little bit.

_Okay, he liked it a little._

It had been a long time since he had felt this hopeful. Although he was just about ready to jump out of his skin and he was grateful he had the task of preparing dinner to distract him.

It was 5:55… he knew Carter would be here any minute, because unlike Daniel, Carter was always punctual.

Any minute she'd come around that corner looking gorgeous in that blue outfit that was just so… _Carter. _

Casual, yet stunning.

_That described her perfectly. _

The woman could make sweat and dirt look sexy as hell. And while he certainly wouldn't mind seeing her wear something more revealing on their first date, it was best for his sanity that she didn't. He didn't want to spend the evening trying to keep his hands off of her.

_She needs time. Keep it together for her._

Jack tugged at the bottom hem of his blue, long sleeved shirt - this wasn't one of his favourite things to wear, but it was comfortable enough.

Usually he liked oversized shirts that afforded him some relief from the tight fitting uniform he was forced to bundle himself up in at work. Thank god he didn't have to wear his formal attire day in, day out, or he might just be tempted to hang himself with that tie. He couldn't get his mind around how Hammond had done it for all those years. BDUs suited him just fine.

He'd chosen this shirt for one reason, and one reason only…

_Carter liked blue. _

He wondered if she would notice that this was the same shirt he had been wearing on his date with Kerry.

Although he wasn't sure it could even be called a date - all they'd done before Carter showed up was discuss work. And after Sam had made her appearance there was nothing more than a few awkward exchanges before Kerry came up with some excuse to leave - for which he was grateful. He had to know what was happening with Jacob, and he couldn't seem to think about anything other than Carter and why she'd been standing on his back porch.

Kerry Johnson was a very intelligent woman - bright and resourceful - and he had certainly enjoyed their conversations.

But in contrast to how he felt sitting around a campfire with Carter, there was no comparison.

It felt stilted and hollow.

Their interactions lacked a familiarity… a warmth… lacked the comforting bond that never announced itself, but stood ever-present whenever Carter happened to be in the vicinity.

That Kerry had picked up on that connection instantly spoke highly of her perception.

Or perhaps what he had with Carter had become so potent that anyone could recognize it.

He still couldn't figure out how his luck was so bad that she would choose that moment to appear on his doorstep - the way he had fantasized she would hundreds of times over the years. Never in his fantasies did it involve him being on a date with another woman. All the years he had waited and hoped for her, she never came… Even when he invited her to his cabin…

_She never came._

He knew that was for the best. He should have known better than to have asked her fishing in the first place.

He wasn't sure why he'd allowed it of himself.

Maybe some part of him was hoping that against her better judgement she would say 'yes'. That she'd come along and things would fall spectacularly apart. Then finally they could put things together in a way that made sense – with him not having to pretend every hour of every day that he felt nothing for her.

Unfortunately, Carter always used her better judgement.

Jack turned and stared at the patch of grass where Carter had appeared only days ago. She was there… Just there, like he had always wanted her to be.

And it could not have been a worse time.

He wasn't certain what would have happened if Kerry hadn't come through that door when she did. But he was pretty sure things would have gone down one of two ways - he would either have shut down once again, finally destroying every last hope they had of making this thing work… or he would have broken his silence and told her the truth.

_Maybe even told her that he loved her._

How long he'd waited to say those words to her… the ones he couldn't bring himself to say for so many reasons… not for the least of which was that they terrified him.

What he felt for her terrified him.

Regulations had been a good excuse for him all these years - he didn't have to think about whether he should confront his feelings because military protocol made that decision for him. Once she'd become engaged to Shanahan however, he realized just how deep those feelings ran, and that losing her was a pain he would have to live with for the rest of his days.

He understood why she had to move on, he really did.

_But that didn't mean it didn't hurt like hell._

Jack O'Neill wasn't one to look at the world through rose coloured glasses - he saw things just as they were. He was sure deep down that she knew that he loved her.

_There was no way possible she didn't know._

Carter had walked away because he'd gone to every effort to give her the impression he was happy for her to go.

_He could kick himself for that one_.

_But what choice did he have? What choice did either of them have?_

Their fate had been sealed the moment he stepped through that gate eight years ago. The threat the goa'uld posed to Earth lay squarely on his shoulders. He may have been under orders, but at the end of the day, it all came down to him. He was the one who made an enemy of one of the most malevolent forces in the galaxy. He went in there guns ablazing. He may as well have held up a neon sign that said "UNAMBIGUOUS THREAT – PLEASE ATTEMPT TO CONQUER". He had a responsibility to every man, woman and child on this planet to protect them from the threat he had unleashed. He just wished it hadn't taken so long to kick the snake-heads off their less than subtle pedestals.

_Although considering the Tok'ra had been at it for millennia, eight years wasn't too bad really._

THREADS

Sam drummed her fingers against the steering wheel, willing herself to move. She wanted to get out of the car, really she did. Her legs on the other hand seemed to be on an entirely different page.

They'd inexplicably lost all strength the moment she pulled up in front of the General's house.

Sam glanced at the time display on the cars display panel. It was 6:03. She was _late_.

She was_ never _late.

Or at least she did everything in her power to avoid it.

What was going on? Wasn't this what she had been waiting for all these years? Here it was – waiting for her just around the corner, turning delicious tenders of meat into cinders as usual, and she was sitting here, apparently rendered paralysed by nerves.

Her whole upper body felt like it was made of lead, while her legs seemed to have turned into some sort of gelatine dessert.

She thought back to when she had sat parked in this exact spot days before. When she had sat here for a good ten minutes before she had finally convinced herself she had to face him.

_But why did she feel so anxious now?_

There was no fiancé she had to worry about betraying. There was no FBI agent in the General's kitchen waiting to appear out of nowhere and create a devastatingly uncomfortable situation.

It was just him… and he was waiting for her.

She could see the gentle swirls of smoke rising above the house and vanishing into the evening sky, which was beginning to turn a luminous gold behind the heavy clouds.

Sam watched as the clock ticked over to 6:05. Any minute now he was going to start wondering where she was. She could never stand being late for anything – a fact Jack was more than aware of. As a matter of fact he had mocked her on more than a few occasions regarding the matter.

On one mission, several years before, he had purposely made her wait until 1701 hours to dial the gate when they were scheduled to report back to base at 1700 hours. The only explanation he would give her being: "It won't kill you Carter." She still wasn't sure exactly what he'd aimed to accomplish there, other than annoying her and making her stomach clench up – the way it did when she was running late for anything.

Sam eyed the 6:05, hoping if she turned all her will onto it she could make it freeze and remain that time. A dream quickly dashed when 6:06 made its inevitable appearance.

_Come on Sam. You can do this. Just let yourself be happy… for once… just let yourself be happy._

THREADS

Jack looked down at his wrist once again – his watch checking having turned ugly. He was having trouble tearing his eyes off of it, and if it weren't for his iron-clad determination not to burn this fresh batch of steaks and sausages he wouldn't even bother trying.

It was 6:06. She was _late._

She was _never_ late.

Jack thought back to that mission years earlier when he had forced her to wait past check-in time to dial the gate. He remembered the way she stood over the DHD, the tension in her stance evident. The usually well disciplined Captain was clearly doing everything in her power to stop herself shooting accusing glares at him – which she failed to do. Not often he got to witness Carter fail at something.

One minute. One minute was enough to put her on edge.

He wondered what would have happened if he'd made her wait 5 minutes.

_That wouldn't have been pretty._

So the fact she was now six minutes late raised a red flag in his mind.

It wasn't as if Carter was _always_ on time. But if she wasn't there was usually a respectable reason - like she was on the verge of finally cracking one of doohickeys and couldn't tear herself away. Or one of her doohickeys did something unexpected while someone else was fiddling with it and she was on damage control.

But unless Carter had managed to smuggle one of her gadgets out of the base, currently she had no access to any distracting doohickeys that might make her late.

Jack poured half a bottle of beer onto the meat and watched it sizzle on the grill.

_You're reading too much into it._

People were late all the time. Why should Carter be held to a different standard?

Because Carter was… well…_ Carter._

"Hi, Sir." Relief washed through Jack's body at the sound of her voice.

Jack turned to see Sam walking towards him from the corner of the house, looking exactly as she had the other day but with a blue woollen scarf around her neck – which Jack found both sensible and incredibly adorable. The light wouldn't last much longer, and the chill of the night air was already setting in.  
"Carter! How did you know I was here?" Jack asked as Sam set her foot on the bottom step that lead up to the porch. She looked a little nervous, which strangely made Jack feel more at ease.

"I saw the smoke." She smiled up at him, knowing they were playing off what happened the last time she walked in on him throwing beer everywhere.

"Oh, yeah. That's the barbecue." Jack insisted. "May have to return it for a new model. It's faulty."

"I see." Sam said in a way that told him she didn't buy that for a second.

"So, what brings you to this neck of the woods on such a fine evening, to my backyard?"

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I was invited by someone?"

"Oh, yes. Knew I had something on tonight. Couldn't quite remember." Jack said reaching for Sam's hand and helping her up to the top step. "You know you're late? I was beginning to think you weren't gonna make it."

"Truthfully I've been sitting in your driveway for the last ten minutes, trying to work up the nerve to come and talk to you." Sam checked her watch... It was 6:10. "Okay, twenty minutes." Sam admitted. "But honestly, I've been trying to work up the nerve for a lot longer than that."

"Oh? Let me guess – you're sorry to bother me with this? But there's a very good reason that you're bothering you with this? And if I don't tell me now, you might never?"

Sam smiled.

"Something like that."

"So tell me." Jack tried to sound casual, but didn't quite pull it off.

Sam hadn't expected this. Honestly when she had come here after seeing the house Pete brought - or at least intended to buy - she had no idea what she was going to say. She only knew that she had to say something because this was going to be her last chance. She'd needed an answer to the question she had always been too afraid to ask.

"Well… I… It was actually more of a question I had in mind."

"So… ask." Jack said, as if it was the simplest thing in the world to do.

"I don't think it matters anymore." Sam said, not quite sure she wanted to walk down this path.

"C'mon Carter. What was it you were going to say to me the other day? I would like to hear it."

Sam swallowed. She already knew the answer to the question. Everything that had happened the past few days had made things perfectly clear. She felt foolish that she had ever doubted his feelings.

Still, even though she knew the answer, asking the question directly… was nerve-racking. Even after all they'd shared.

Sam took a deep breath.

"Do you feel anything for me?" She asked, forcing herself to look him in the eye - no matter how much she wanted to look away.

"Do I feel anything for you?" Jack looked at her incredulously before turning back to the barbecue looking almost annoyed. "For crying out loud, Carter." He grumbled.

That's what she was coming to ask him the other day?

_Did he feel anything for her?_

The question was so ludicrous he had a hard time processing it. It was bad enough that he had to pretend to the world she meant nothing to him for the past eight years, but now he knew she'd had the audacity to believe it! There was no way a woman as perceptive as her could be that blind. That question coming from her lips it was like a stab in the heart.

How could she not know? How could she not see how much being apart from her stung? What it did to him to see her with Shanahan? How damn hard he had had to fight every single day for the past eight years because of her and her perfect existence. How dare she not know what she'd done to him!?

Jack knew he wasn't angry at Carter. He was angry at the situation. He was angry at everything they had had to sacrifice. He was angry that that question made it repulsively clear how good a job he'd done at misleading her. But more than anything he was angry at himself.

All those times he could have lost her, out there in the field…

_She would have died wondering. _

Not being sure. Not being sure of a truth so obvious to him that he spent everyday running from it, without a snowballs chance in hell of ever escaping it.

He loved her.

He loved her to the depths of his soul and then some.

Sam watched silently as Jack flipped over the meat on grill one by one, not giving the meat a chance to sear before returning to flip it again.

She had no idea that he would react so strongly, and no idea why he was reacting the way he was. It certainly fell short of any fantasies she'd had about this moment.

Jack shutting down and pretending he had no idea what she was talking about…

Jack saying he was sorry but it was time to let go…

Jack telling her she was right in thinking marrying Pete was a huge mistake…

Jack finally letting his walls down and confessing that he did in fact have feelings for her and wanted her to wait…

All those scenarios she'd gone over.

Never did it occur to her that he might react with anger, and she couldn't even begin to imagine what was going through his mind.

"Maybe it's too soon to talk about that." Sam said, trying to undo whatever damage that had been done, although she wasn't sure exactly why he'd found the question so offensive.

Jack threw the tongs he held in his hand with a little more force than necessary onto the table next to the barbecue. It landed with a loud clang as Jack turned around to face her.

"Too soon? I hope that's a joke!" Jack demanded.

"I'm sorry?" Sam had absolutely no idea what was going on. For all the years she'd known him she still had no idea. Not about this part of him.

"Eight years! It's been eight years Carter. I'd say this conversation is a little past its due date wouldn't you?"

"Eight years?" Sam asked, confused.

"Eight years!"

"You've wanted to discuss this for eight years?"

"Haven't you?"

Sam considered the question for a moment. She wasn't really sure when the tension had built between them to the point where she had to acknowledge it. What she felt for him had been there from the beginning, but it had taken some time before she recognized it, and it took even longer for her to accept it.

"Yes."

"Then why so surprised?"

"I didn't realize."

"Of course you didn't." Jack said, somewhat snarkily Sam thought.

"I'm sorry? Are you blaming me?" If Jack had any intentions of laying this all on her he had another thing coming! He'd made things anything but easy for her over the years.

"How could you not realize Carter?!" He sounded as if he was accusing her of something, and Sam wasn't at all pleased.

"Well it's not like I could ask, could I? Even if I could do so without breaking regulations, you would have shut me down! The way you always do when someone says something you don't want to hear!"

"You're the one that didn't want to talk Carter. You're the one that suggested we leave it in that room and pretend like nothing ever happened."

"I thought that's what you wanted!"

"No Carter! That is not what I wanted! It's what had to happen for us to keep our jobs! But it was never what _I_ wanted! All _I _ever wanted was _you_!"

Sam couldn't help but feel it was entirely typical that one of the sweetest things Jack O'Neill had ever said to her was being shouted.

He had that same fury in his eyes that she'd seen when he refused to leave her to die alone behind the force shield. There was so much frustration, mixed with desperation… and sadness… and an overwhelming love that she had often told herself she'd imagined.

But there it was again, staring back at her - insisting there was no one in the universe that would ever love her as much as the man in front of her.

It left her breathless and completely wiped away any desire she had to continue arguing with him.

Jack turned back to the barbecue, which was now beginning to smoulder.

_What was he thinking? Why was he yelling at her? She'd done nothing wrong… _

Jack pretended to be engrossed by the sizzling food in front of him, which was looking blacker by the second.

"You still haven't answered my question." Sam's voice called over his shoulder.

Jack breathed deeply.

_How could he tell her he loved her after he'd just shouted at her?_

But he'd have to give he some sort of response, he couldn't just ignore her. Jack placed the tongs to the side gently, before turning around to face her.

Sam gazed at him with complete vulnerability in her eyes - almost as if she was pleading with him. Not for the answer she wanted to hear… but just to be given an answer she'd waited so long for. For him to respond with the same openness and trust that she found so hard to give but found within herself to award him anyway.

Jack could see she was leaving herself completely unguarded.

There was no soldier at this moment, no doctor, no scientist, physicist or any other label she had chosen to hide behind in her life.

There was just Sam.

And she was more beautiful, more perfect than she had ever been.

Jack was entranced by the emotions he saw written on her face, and he felt himself being drawn closer to her. He didn't even notice how close he had gotten until his boots hit the tip of her shoes. Jack brought his hand up to cup her cheek, stroking his thumb back and forth in a motion that was beginning to feel wonderfully familiar to Sam.

She closed her eyes, allowing herself to momentarily drown in his touch, but she didn't drift away for long… she was still waiting for an answer.

Although she knew this _was_ the answer.

She realized now that the love she felt coursing through her veins wasn't just her own… it was his too.

It wasn't _her_ love… it was _theirs._

He was a part of her.

Sam opened her eyes, and she saw a look in Jack's eyes that she had never seen before. She wondered if this was his soul shining through, unrepressed by the fear and pain that usually barricaded it deep inside.

"A lot, Carter… I feel a lot." Jack smiled at her earnestly, willing her to understand.

Sam chuckled and shook her head, tears momentarily falling from both of her eyes and rolling down her cheeks. She wasn't sad, far from it… but he flood of emotion was too much to abide, and her laughter turned to gentle sobs.

"Hey, come here." Jack took her into his arms, wrapping one arm around her shoulders and cradling her head in his hands. The other held her as close as possible around her waist. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, really." Sam whispered into his neck.

Jack kissed her hair gently, as he rocked her back and forth against him in a sleepy rhythm.

"No, it's not. You've done nothing wrong Carter. I have no right to raise my voice."

Sam pulled away slightly - enough that she could look into his eyes.

"We've been put in a very difficult position. We both did the best we could at the time." She said as she slid her hands up over his shoulders and draped them behind his neck. "But I'm sorry if I ever did anything to make you angry. It was never intentional."

"I'm not angry Carter."

Jack buried his face into her neck, and she deeply regretted having chosen to wear a scarf – she would love the feel of his lips pressed against her skin.

His scent was intoxicating; she really had never known anything like it.

Sam savoured the warmth that washed over her - the heat of his body combating the sting of cold air that was turning progressively colder as the last of the light was draining from the sky.

Jack shielded her from the chill of the freezing gust that blew black smoke straight in their direction. Sam leant her head against his chest as she turned in the direction of the barbecue. She highly doubted anything on that grill was edible.

"You know, you're really not that good at cooking." She said, eyeing the charred meat.

"Are you kidding? I'm great with cooking! It's barbecues that hate me."

"You'd better turn it off before the fire department shows up."

Jack released Sam from his grip, and reluctantly stepped away. He turned the grill off before grabbing the tongs that were unrepentantly hot.

"I'm guessing we're ordering in tonight?" Sam quipped.

Jack was busily throwing pieces of burnt meat onto a plate.

"Not so fast. I'm sure some of this is salvageable."

"If you want to develop cancer by ingesting polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons, then maybe."

Jack shot her a look that said 'maybe I do, smart guy'.

Sam smiled and looked up at the handful of stars that had made their appearance. The sky was dark and gray now - Sam guessed all the stars would be visible in about ten minutes - the light wouldn't last much longer.

The cold wind picked up and swept around her. Goose pimples prickled her skin underneath her sleeves. She really hoped once Jack was done with the grill he'd return to where he'd been, with his arms snugly wrapped around her.

"Hey, Carter?" Jack called.

It was hard to hear his voice over the wind rushing past her ears and the screech of Jack scraping the coals from under the grill.

"Yes?" Sam answered.

"You do know I love you, right?"

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**Arg! I'm really, really, really, really, really sorry it's been so long since I updated! Combination of losing my computer, writers block and not quite giving a stuff. **

**But, hey, hey – I did end up getting my tattoo! Change of plans – got it on my arm. Will leave the link to the picture at the top of my profile. **

**Thanks for the reviews guys! **

**Narellew68 – thanks for the motivation! **


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